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Hi everyone,

I've been a bit of a snob lately and haven't checked in much. I also haven't emailed anyone much or rang anyone or done anything at all social so it's not just you guys don't be offended.

I haven't had any positive symptoms for a couple opf years now buut I'm still not right. The only time I socialise really is when I'm at work and I mostly socialise with two year olds (last week one of my toddlers gave me a flower and said it was our "marry flower" "because we're in love" and that made mme feel good)...sorry a litle side tracked. Disorganisation comes and goes and deficits are fairly constant and I'm just wondering if i will ever be the same as I was ten years ago? It's hard to talk to my pdoc aboutthis stuff because i don't really know what's not right I just know somethings are not right (and not socialising with adults I have noone to tell me if I'm acting odd).

;) It's really not late at all, but it's time for a hot chocolate and bed.

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Dan,

My dd has said the same thing...it doesn't feel right but she can't put her finger on it. I would encourage you to talk to your doctor. Our doctor has a way of asking questions after comments like these that somehow brings sense to what might be going on and that is a huge relief to our dd. I think it almost bothers her more to feel "wrong" but not know what it is. I also think that comes with the illness and meds but when you know the cause and what can be treated, etc. then I think it's easier to cope with, kwim?

I don't know if anyone with any illness is ever the same as they were. That's a hard pill to swallow. It's a matter of finding as much of "you" as you can and really holding on to it. Face it, these meds are as bad as the disorders in the side effects that they cause, etc.

This is my take - you are doing quite well to be working and socializing at work, even if it's just with toddlers. The longer you go not socializing with other adults the more difficult it is to return to it. I would find something that forces you back into a setting with other adults - whether that be a support group for others with the same illness, volunteer work at a homeless shelter, a young adult church group, or just going somewhere consistently such as a coffee house. You might find tht there are others like you who are just shy or lack social skills vs. you, a person with social skills but an illness that tends to circumvent it.

Don't feel like you are alone. I constantly encourage my dd to stay social. She's going to college and while it's a commuter college (which means you don't really get to know anyone, it's still being "out there" and she will join in on the class conversations, etc.), she has a job where she interacts with adults (this might also be an idea - get a second job at a store or something that serves adults). I have to say, though, that I love that you are working with toddlers! Aren't they the most accepting, open human beings you've ever encountered! Kudos to you for making a difference in their lives!

DMF

'

Hi everyone,

I've been a bit of a snob lately and haven't checked in much. I also haven't emailed anyone much or rang anyone or done anything at all social so it's not just you guys don't be offended.

I haven't had any positive symptoms for a couple opf years now buut I'm still not right. The only time I socialise really is when I'm at work and I mostly socialise with two year olds (last week one of my toddlers gave me a flower and said it was our "marry flower" "because we're in love" and that made mme feel good)...sorry a litle side tracked. Disorganisation comes and goes and deficits are fairly constant and I'm just wondering if i will ever be the same as I was ten years ago? It's hard to talk to my pdoc aboutthis stuff because i don't really know what's not right I just know somethings are not right (and not socialising with adults I have noone to tell me if I'm acting odd).

;) It's really not late at all, but it's time for a hot chocolate and bed.

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  • 3 weeks later...

There is always hope Dan

I walked around in a psychotic, under-performing state for 5 years, I wasn't interested in anything, couldn't work and everything felt like a colossal effort.

Getting the right meds helps, it's all about the meds

I love Zyprexa!

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Hi Dan,

I've been sitting here thinking of how to answer your question.

In many ways I agree with DMF who said that you are never the same after an illness. I am not the same as I was before my illness. In some ways that is bad but in other ways that is good. Prior to my illness I was not completely sane. I had dysthymia even before the MDD and schizo hit. So I'm glad not to be back in that state. But I do miss some things about myself. I used to be spontaneous, self confident, outgoing. I'm just starting to get those traits back with the help of medication. Before medication I was super creative and I don't have that as much now. BUT I do have my sanity now. I can walk around without seeing/hearing things that arent' there. I'm not in a state of major depression. I'm not trying to kill myself. So I would say that things are better now than before medication.

Its hard when you know something isnt' right but you aren't sure exactly what. For me that is often the first sign of a relapse. These past few days I started taking vicodin (for my ankle) with my psychotropic drugs and I instantly started to have that feeling that something wasn't right. Then a friend pointed out to me that vicodin shouldnt' be taken with psych meds. I stopped taking the vicodin and now I'm back to status quo. So sometimes it is something simple that is causing that feeling of unrest.

Pay attention to that feeling of something not being right. It is your gut telling you what is going on. Remember you know your body/mind better than anyone else does. So if something isnt' right pay attention to that and share that with your pdoc.

Shana

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