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wracked with guilt about not working


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I'm not working because I'm planning our entire wedding in like a month and a half AND we want to move 300 miles away as soon as possible after that (so my future husband can work at his parent company, and we can get out of this rural area.)

I decided not to accept any assignments from my temp agency a month ago because I know that I can't handle working full time and the massive, all-consuming wedding planning (our wedding is this Saturday). I'm having a simple wedding but it is still so much for one person to do. My fiance can't help because he is working 80 hours a week, 7 days a week. I know I'm in a privileged position and I should just shut my mouth but I can't help but feel guilty for not working. I want to do it all. I want to work and plan all this stuff but I know my limits.

I guess I feel that since I haven't done the greatest job of becoming a self-sufficient adult because of my disabling depression and anxiety, I don't deserve "breaks" from work like this. I have serious issues when it comes to work. I avoided it as a teenager because of severe social anxiety, I didn't work for almost two years as an adult because I spiraled down into an intractable severe depression and was becoming agoraphobic and nobody tried to force me into treatment (not that it's their responsibility, ultimately). Basically I feel like I need to do penance and grovel at employers' feet and do whatever they want and never not work again if I ever want to get anywhere in life or be a respectable person in anyone's eyes. So not working makes me depressed.

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You are not taking a break from working. You are working, but it is unpaid work. Is paid work the only work "worth" anything? If so, I'm wasting my life because I stay home with my kids, as are many other parents out there.

Ultimately life is about more than money, and a person's worth has nothing to do with what job they have, how long they have had it, and their salary. Please do NOT feel guilty if you do not have a conventional job right now! Living with mental illness is a job in and of itself, and add to that all the stressors of planning a wedding, and then starting a marriage?? That IS a full time job, without "breaks," and it is not worth less than anyone else's job just because there isn't a time card attached.

The best sign you are a self-sufficient adult is that you knew your limits and didn't accept those temp assignments when you knew you couldn't handle them. So don't beat yourself up over this! Guilt is a big part of depression, please remember that. It is groundless here, so don't give into it. This is a hectic time and it is feeding off the stress. Don't forget to take care of yourself- and be nice to yourself- during all of this. (And congratulations ;) ).

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this is a job big enough for a few people, like a wedding planner, a mover, a pdoc...and you're doing it all! as faith said, it is work, but unpaid work. we tend to undervalue and not recognize the value of this work in society. in economics (my college major), i learned that a woman staying at home taking care of the kids and house would be worth almost 60k if being paid in dollars!

how much would you be paying a wedding planner, mover, pdoc to keep it all in line? lots more than what you'd make as a temp. you're doing work that is worth well above what you'd otherwise be making. know this and be proud that you're creating a beautiful moment for yourself and your future husband, and a life for you as a couple beyond your rural horizons.

\

EDIT- that part was for you, this part is for me! i'm on ssd now. there is a part of me, yes, that feels like i should get up and go to work. but i also know that i make valuable contributions daily, whether appreciated or recognized by others or not, and it is not the destiny of every person in teh world to be a paid member of the work force. some, like faith, are taking care of their children. others, like me, devote themselves in other ways to other people. that's what you're doing! your work is no less important than what you'd be doing in a job-job. my work right now is to get well and spread the love (so to speak)- to be a positive and uplifting person for others. these are contributions that we can make on our own and no one else in the world can. we are unique people!

i'm happy for you- congratulations!

loon

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hf:

If I had to choose between what you are doing and what your fiance is doing, I think I'd prefer the latter. So you're not taking the easy way out. Don't beat yourself up about this. I'll bet, compared to using professionals for the arrangements, that you're saving more money than you could make. (Don't forget that you don't have to pay taxes on money you save.)

I don't undervalue work for others, mind you. I've been looking for it for years now, and not finding it much. But it looks like I'll have a good job starting next week, and someone called me up for a few hours of work today. It felt good, although I've been (mentally) biting my nails for weeks. On the other hand, I don't have a wedding to plan.

May you have a wonderful honeymoon.

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