Jump to content

my ex makes me want to die


Recommended Posts

this isnt really an ex problem its a me problem.

my first ever real serious boyfriend smoked heaps of dope. his family hates me for no good reason. and despite all this i loved him to bits and he never committed to me. not even to living together after 3 yrs of dating. i broke it off with him when i thought i met someone better.

Someone better turned out to be an abuser. he cheated on me and gave me a nasty STD which lead to cancer cells having to be removed (STD all gone, but memories of him ever haunting)

could never go back to first guy because i was so ashamed.

now i find out 2 things

1. he was actually going to propose to me, he had a ring and all, but was waiting til christmas, we broke it off in november.

2. he has a new girl and is totally in love.

the asshole 2nd guy, also has a new girl so i cant go back to him.

My other ex i just found out is having a kid with his new girlfriend

Why are they all so happy. why am i so selfish i expected them to stay loving me? Why do i want to die over this shit? I want them all to disappear from my mind and life so i never see them again.

i hate this i feel so bad. i had to run to the toilets at work today and cut to try and relieve some of the mounting tension.

please dont tell me i will meet someone else etc etc cause i have such shit self esteem i cant even talk to new people at the moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why are they all so happy. why am i so selfish i expected them to stay loving me? Why do i want to die over this shit? I want them all to disappear from my mind and life so i never see them again.

even though one is getting married and the other is having a child, they aren't necessarily happy. maybe the new girls are hose beasts.

i don't think holding on like this is selfish. some people (*waves hand*) have a hard time letting go. and, not to connect everything to borderline, but shit like this can really fuck with abandonment issues. marriage, having a kid, these things seem like guarantees that everything is stable, that those women will never be alone, and of course it's upsetting that they have that and you don't. (even if these men sound like shitheads.) and, maybe, because these guys are are your ex's, the fact that they are committing to other women when it did not work out for you, maybe that feels like "proof" of your flaws. validation of fears. (but remember that feelings, while they are really fucking important to acknowledge and deal with, are not reality. i feel like an ass saying this because i'm having a hard time seeing reality right now, but remember that emotions change the way we see things.)

and all i can try to say about that (if anythign i said is trueish) is that it's okay to feel jealous and pissed off and lonley. let yourself feel it, really feel it, and then let it flow away.

i hate this i feel so bad. i had to run to the toilets at work today and cut to try and relieve some of the mounting tension.
i'm sorry. it really hurts to feel that bad. to feel overwhelmed by emotion.

please dont tell me i will meet someone else etc etc cause i have such shit self esteem i cant even talk to new people at the moment.
no, i'm going to tell you something way more obnoxious. no man can complete you. those women, your ex's, they haven't reached nirvana.

but you will work through this. the tsunami of pain will end.

and you're working hard in therapy. you'll get to a place where your self esteem is better, i really believe that.

in the mean time, hang on. (maybe call your therapist, ask for an emergency session?)

take care of yourself.

best,

penny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you know i used to have multiple boyfriends, and i've gotten it trimmed down to one now, boyfriend #1 was the selection.

but you know, i hate him sometimes. after 4 years together you'd think he could lift a box to help me move, or perhaps live with me, but he's already ruled out these things, even helping me move (bad back, can't lift those light boxes you know!).

why do we stick around losers? you dumped boyfriend #1 because all he did was smoke dope and his family hated you, and then you find out he wanted to get married, and now he's in relationship heaven with this new girl and they're having a baby.

and boyfriend #2- he was an abusive freak, so you did the right thing and dumped him, only to see him happy (and you miserable) due to his new situation, so you feel like shit.

if i went and dumped boyfriend #1, and then found out he had a ring for me, i have no idea how i'd feel about that. sorry? upset? 'too little too late'? you just never know.

if it matters, i think you did the right thing. relationships come and go. yes, it was 3 years, but obviously it wasn't meant to be now that he's in relationship heaven with someone else. it is time to celebrate being single and go pick up some hot stud for a good time! that's my answer to everything! lol

all the best,

loon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Um, I kinda doubt having a fling is real good for people who get too attached to the wrong person.

Work on liking yourself. The more you like yourself the easier the rest of this stuff is, and the more it will feel good. No guy can really rescue you, at least unless you are doing at least half the job yourself. I know that's not easy to do. I didn't get a long term s.o. until I had started to feel a bit more confident. Now, I suppose it's possible for women to get in relationships without a little of that confidence, but it's probably not a good idea. You need to have some sense of yourself and what you are worth. First of all so that you take care of yourself properly, but also so you'll tend more to pick a guy who will be good for you, and so that you will insist on being treated properly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...