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I can't figure out if my therapist is a love interest, or a father figure, or -- Gd forbid, how Oedipal -- both. I suppose I could be using the feeling to shed light on how I relate to my husband, or feel I need from my father, or whatever. But I'd rather just not feel it. Does it go away on its own, or do I have to work on it, and if so, how? And no, I'm not going to bring it up in therapy. I'd really rather be eaten by weasels.

Really embarassed to be saying this,


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I KNOW it is totally embarassing....

BUT transference is an excellent tool for therapeutic work!

It makes you vulnerable as all hell, which brings up tons of feelings of insecurity to be processed.

In my opinion, transference is a GOOD sign...I think it means you are doing some real work in the way that you relate to your therapist...I mean think about it....

you are telling this person your darkest secrets, being very intimate with him in a verbal friendship kind of way...so it kind of makes sense these other attraction feelings would evolve.

Mine went away AFTER I brought it up in therapy. And my face turned 8 different colors of red, and I felt weak and powerless....but it taught me so much.

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I'm dealing with similar issues---here's a link to an article I found from Psychiatric Times:


I'm finally going to lay it all out for my doctor next Tuesday. I think my "feelings" toward him are preventing me from improving my relationship with my husband (or deciding that I need to leave my husband). I've already introduced the fact that I find my pdoc attractive by telling him he's handsome, so I think I'm ready to come clean.

Thanks for the inspiration!


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I think many of us deal with those issues. I think my therapist is the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world. She might really be, but I know she is a really good therapist and that is what I really need much more. Besides it doesn't hurt to have a therapist that is, as we say in Texas, "Easy on the eyes."


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i agree with the mind that transference can really help your work in therapy.

i'm in "transference focused" therapy right now and it kind-of circles around my relationship with my therapist and how that relates to my early attachments.

this is the second time i've done this type of therapy. the first time i had major transference on both a father level and an attraction level. when i first started therapy i was incredibly angry at my father and also in a very needy position in relation to him. when i left this therapist (i moved) i was no longer angry at my dad, and no longer expected him to relate to me on an emotional level that he just doesn't go to and so i'm able now to have a healthier and more realistic relationship with him. (i'm not saying i gave up on my dad, but i understand that he's just not ever going to be able to fill the hole that not having a present mother left, if that makes sense.)

anyway, with my new therapist there's not so much attachment. and also not so much positive work being done... and not because i've worked out all my issues with men or worked through the issues revolving around my early atachments. part of it is that i don't think my current therapist is as good of a doctor. (or maybe i don't think he's as good of a doctor bc he's less attractive than my old therapist? i'd like to think therapy is more complex than that... who knows...) and part of it is that there's just not any real transference going on, which may stem from him not being as good of a doctor. heh.

i never flat out said to my old therapist that i was attracted to him (though my then boyfriend, now husband knew i was and teased me about it, which was funny to me). but i don't think i had to tell him. for me that attraction strengthened the theraputic relationship and i think it can be a natural and powerful energy in therapy.

i'm sure it can also be detrimental if your therapist isn't someone who should be trusted with that much emotional investment.

whether you tell your therapist or not is another question... but i do think that you can have transference and have the transference help you with your current relationships.

as for if these feelings just go away... they didn't go away for me, but maybe they would have had i stayed with that therapist and progressed on to other issues.

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