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Help me with my personals ad


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Is it a good/prudent idea to be upfront and mention one's depression in a personal ad? Wouldn't that save time and incovenience to everyone involved and also filter out the 'wrong' people? I was thinking of mentioning that I take anti-depressants but am stable and functional on them.

Or is there something inherently negative about this approach?

Please share experiences if possible?

And on a slightly different note, maybe I should just mention that I'm looking for replies from similarly placed women only; only those who have had or are experiencing depression but are on meds and making progress. Is that even a worse idea than the former?

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I wish I had some data on this to share! But I don't.

I am a freak in a lot of ways, but if someone met my other criteria, knowing that they were actively and successfully controlling their MI *and* that they were interested in other people doing the same would be a bonus. For me.

However, you will be filtering out people who might otherwise date you.

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I don't think you should hide it, but I don't think you should lead with it either. A bit heavy for the first date, I'd say, but if there's a spark you had better discuss it fairly early. My s.o. and I both take antidepressants. She probably needs them more, but they work. Because we've discussed our issues frankly, sometimes it's possible for me to see that some of her behaviors aren't especially intentional but are manifestations of the problem. This takes some, but not all of the sting out of the ones that might otherwise hurt. (Not so much the depressive ones alone, but impulsive speech with a touch of pessimism and catastrophizing can be hard to take if you don't understand what's going on. I understand that sort of thing from the inside, unfortunately for me.) However, I don't think either of us thinks of depression as the single most important thing about us. My memory is pretty lousy so I don't remember how much we talked before it came up.

I think my s.o. and I chose each other based on how much fun our conversations were, and I know I was turned on by how smart she is. Plus, I suppose, the physical thing works pretty well for us.

I suppose some of this may be tinted somehow by the different gender roles involved, but I'm sure some is relevant as well.

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i wouldn't go there in an ad, because your MI is not who you are and is not the most important thing about you. you want to talk about who you are and what you can offer, not what your medical status is. when you meet someone who is right for you, you'll know it. that person won't be shallow and will be good about your MI, regardless of if she is MI or not. you only have so much space it an ad- let it be about you and shine in it! trust me, you'll have the depth and understanding to screen out shallow people who won't accept your MI. there are a lot of great people out there who are understanding and mature about it too- you just need to find yours.

good luck,

loon

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I think it's a bad idea for a personals ad. Like Ido said, I think it's too "heavy" for an ad for first date. The personals ad is where you lay out the absolute deal breakers and then a bunch of cutesy random-but-somehow meaningful bullshit that kind of gives a "picture" of what kind of person you're like. Don't lie- if you're a homebody, you can dress that up like "loves to curl up with a good book, even on a Friday night" or something, you know?

I posted an ad on craigslist (kind of as a test run) a few weeks ago and got something like 250 or 300 responses within a couple of days. It was insane. A lot of them were garbage, and I didn't really respond to very many people and only met one of them, once. But it was a neat experience and I'm thinking about doing it again more "seriously" this time, because I kind of know what to expect.

I didn't mention anything about mental illness. I might of called myself "mercurial" ( ;) - it's a personals ad! There's always a way to dress it!). But it's something I'm pretty open about.

I'm usually attracted to the kind of guys who obviously have some mental issues of their own, though. So it's usually not that big of a deal. Heh.

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If you had diabetes, would you mention it in a personals ad?

Now... if you're interested in meeting other people who are mentally interesting, I think there's actually a site for that. It's mean mentioned here before. I'll look for it if you want.

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If you want MI dating online then www.nolongerlonely.com might be for you. I wouldn't mention MI on a personals ad because I agree with Loon, there is more to me than that.

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If you had diabetes, would you mention it in a personals ad?

Point duly noted. But you'll have to agree that MI affects the quality (and spheres) of one's life that diabetes doesn't.

If you want MI dating online then www.nolongerlonely.com might be for you. I wouldn't mention MI on a personals ad because I agree with Loon, there is more to me than that.

Thanks for the link, Karuna. I had a look at it and it seems like a good idea, although there aren't too many people from my area on it, as of now.

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I think it's a bad idea for a personals ad. Like Ido said, I think it's too "heavy" for an ad for first date. The personals ad is where you lay out the absolute deal breakers and then a bunch of cutesy random-but-somehow meaningful bullshit that kind of gives a "picture" of what kind of person you're like. Don't lie- if you're a homebody, you can dress that up like "loves to curl up with a good book, even on a Friday night" or something, you know?

I posted an ad on craigslist (kind of as a test run) a few weeks ago and got something like 250 or 300 responses within a couple of days. It was insane. A lot of them were garbage, and I didn't really respond to very many people and only met one of them, once. But it was a neat experience and I'm thinking about doing it again more "seriously" this time, because I kind of know what to expect.

I didn't mention anything about mental illness. I might of called myself "mercurial" ( ;) - it's a personals ad! There's always a way to dress it!). But it's something I'm pretty open about.

I'm usually attracted to the kind of guys who obviously have some mental issues of their own, though. So it's usually not that big of a deal. Heh.

Actually, I was also planning to post an ad on CL myself. In fact I had posted this a few days ago. A few people actually wrote back and it was pretty interesting to hear from them and to read their personal tales.

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