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Hello everyone. I'm glad I found this board.

My dad was mentally ill. He was basically disabled and estranged from my family for most of my life.

I have problems with depression and anxiety. They have kept me from being as successful as I should be and want to be. My relationships haven't been as good as I'd like them to be. I'm wracked by worries about money, success (and lack thereof), and being unlovable. Most of my friends are getting married but I don't even have a boyfriend. I just started grad school and I wonder if I've made a mistake in the field of study I have chosen. I worry that I drink too much sometimes. Then I worry that all of my worries drive people away. Worries, worries, worries. They never stop!

These sort of thoughts make me worried that maybe I'm "crazy" like my dad.

Medication helps but only so much and only some of the time. Also, I get side effects. I'm in therapy too, but it only helps so much. Even my therapist said that I seem to take one step forward and then two steps back. Anytime things are going well (let's say I accomplish something I set out to do) I do something worrisome (like drink too much) or have a "crisis" over something. It's like my psyche wants to hold onto these painful patterns...it's as though I relive the traumas of my childhood through every painful crisis I go through.

I don't know where I'm going with this except to ask do you think there's any chance for me...that I'll find someone who'll love and accept me...that one day maybe I'll have a family and be sucessful and maybe a little bit happy?

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Hiya LC-

i'm with tom, we know how you feel. when my depression and anxiety are bad, all i want to do is curl up in a ball and die, or go and drink. i often wonder the same things, like if i'll ever get (re)married, or have a family, or be happy for a long, sustained period of time.

it is good you're working through your issues in therapy. you recognize your own patterns and can even articulate exactly what you're doing. the issue now is how to bring behavioral change into the picture.

what meds do you take? are you depressed or perhaps a form of bipolar?

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If your medication doesn't help enough, you should see if you can't stop drinking entirely.

One of the guys talking about depression(not bipolar) in the video at the URL below, I think it was Fava, says that alcohol really interferes with antidepressants.

http://www.mgh.harvard.edu/madiresourcecen...rdepression.asp

I was lucky enough to attend those talks and, since I was trying Ritalin that day, I got a lot out of it. Might be worth watching.

Forgive me if I don't discuss peculiarties of gender below. I don't think they're very relevant to the particular things I'm saying. Plus I'm not entirely sure of yours, tho I have a guess.

If it helps, I can tell you that my life after 30 (I'm now 47) is generally much more pleasant than before 30. Of course, there's no guarantee the same will happen to you, but maybe it will, if you decide (or perhaps you have) that you're worth some trouble and you're going to keep at it until you feel better. And in the family territory, I can't advise. The thought of a family gives me the willies. It might be like the one I grew up in!

Other than antidepressants and therapy, try to take care of yourself in other ways, as it will help with your mood. Stuff like getting enough sleep at the same time each night, eating a balanced diet with lots of veggies and not too much of any one thing, and exercise. I've found exercise especially good for increasing energy (at least once I'm used to it) and reducing anxiety, although it is habit forming and in fact I'm feeling a strong need for a bike ride at this moment.

It's been said before, but I think one key to a good relationship is to feel ok about yourself. This helps other people feel good about you, and it makes you less desperate. You already have some friends, so that's a step in the right direction. It takes some pressure off the relationship if you don't have to get every emotional need filled by it.

Hello everyone. I'm glad I found this board.

My dad was mentally ill. He was basically disabled and estranged from my family for most of my life.

I have problems with depression and anxiety. They have kept me from being as successful as I should be and want to be. My relationships haven't been as good as I'd like them to be. I'm wracked by worries about money, success (and lack thereof), and being unlovable. Most of my friends are getting married but I don't even have a boyfriend. I just started grad school and I wonder if I've made a mistake in the field of study I have chosen. I worry that I drink too much sometimes. Then I worry that all of my worries drive people away. Worries, worries, worries. They never stop!

These sort of thoughts make me worried that maybe I'm "crazy" like my dad.

Medication helps but only so much and only some of the time. Also, I get side effects. I'm in therapy too, but it only helps so much. Even my therapist said that I seem to take one step forward and then two steps back. Anytime things are going well (let's say I accomplish something I set out to do) I do something worrisome (like drink too much) or have a "crisis" over something. It's like my psyche wants to hold onto these painful patterns...it's as though I relive the traumas of my childhood through every painful crisis I go through.

I don't know where I'm going with this except to ask do you think there's any chance for me...that I'll find someone who'll love and accept me...that one day maybe I'll have a family and be sucessful and maybe a little bit happy?

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