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i think i just realized my problem... when i have sex, i get scared.  sometimes i dont know why i'm scared.  the image of a man on top of me makes me scared, and thoughts keep racing through my mind and i have to tell myself 'he loves me, he wouldn't hurt me, he really loves me'.  and he does love me, yet when sex comes into the picture, i get scared that he doesn't REALLY care about me and the sex is just for him. 

i've always been afraid of sex.  i used to do drugs to try and enjoy myself. 

and i've been thinking about this, and talking about it with my boyfriend and came to realize that its almost like a flashback when i get scared.  i just never could figure out what this flashback was from.  since nobody has ever held me down and forced me to anything, i thought i couldn't have ptsd.

then again, i've been in positions where i wanted the guy to get OFF of my me like RIGHT NOW.  and having sex when i was 13 and feeling like this probably was the cause...

i think i have ptsd and i think this is why.  it feels better to know that there is a reason for my low libido... and that maybe it won't be like this forever.

please someone give me some support ;)

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Hello Ammity

This may not apply,but at times

while having sex

I have had anx attacks,

leading to the escape reflex.

I'm male so my perspective is different

Does make your partner perplexed

Stasis

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Hello Ammity

This may not apply,but at times

while having sex

I have had anx attacks,

leading to the escape reflex.

I'm male so my perspective is different

Does make your partner perplexed

Stasis

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ah yes my partner is very perplexed i think =/

;)

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Ammity,

Flashbacks with PTSD are very scary because you feel exactly like you did during the trauma. You can hear the same sounds, smell the same odors, and feel the same sense of fear, fright, and often helplessness. What you are experiencing is very difficult but it is also very real and not uncommon for PTSD sufferers. Because PTSD oftens results from some sort of sexual abuse or trauma it does often interfer with our sex lifes.

It is great that you have been able to sit down and talk about this with your boyfriend. Continue to help him understand, and you need to understand, that what you are feeling is a typical reaction. Try to work out a way you feel safe during sex. Be sure you can say no when you are feeling uncomfortable and make sure you stop or do whatever you can do/need to do to feel safe again if another flashback happens during sex.

You can get help for PTSD and things can/will get better. But for now you need to feel safe and secure. The best thing to do is to get into therapy with a good tdoc who understands PTSD and anxiety disorders. Are you in therapy now? Do you have a pdoc or tdoc or both? If you do you may want to bring up this topic during your next session. If you are afraid to bring up the topic, one thing that many people have found helpful is to print out their post and take it with them to their next appointment.

Hang in there, there is hope, there is a way through this. It just sucks so much shit for now.

Erika

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Just a suggesstion, as long as this isn't from aprevious bad sexualexperiecne. Why not beon top and be more in control over everthing. Also,instead of jumping right into sex , which guys are wont to do, maybe slowly get into the mood with extended foreplay and just some nice , non-sexual touchingand snuggling. stuff like that. I watched a berman and berman show- they are sex experts and that is what they suggeds. mel

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Are you in therapy now? Do you have a pdoc or tdoc or both? I

Hang in there, there is hope, there is a way through this. It just sucks so much shit for now.

Erika

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Erika.  I have a psychiatrist but not a psychologist.  I need to find one that has evening hours so I can go after work.  Are there medicines that would help with this?  I'm bipolar so I take Lamictal, and for 2 weeks have been on Effexor. 

I'm not sure about why this happened, but I used to be promiscuous... how could I be promiscuous if I am afraid during sex?  Why would I do that?  Only thing I can think of is that I wanted to get back at men maybe, or take control by doing it.  I'm not sure.

Either way, I don't understand it.  I don't understand that in the beginning of a relationship I can be totally cool about sex, but then I get where I don't want to do anything sexual and it messes up my relationships.  My boyfriend cares about me so much and I hurt him by not acting sexual towards him.  I love him and am attracted to him.  I dont show it though and that hurts me and him.

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Just a suggesstion, as long as this isn't from aprevious bad sexualexperiecne. Why not beon top and be more in control over everthing. Also,instead of jumping right into sex , which guys are wont to do, maybe slowly get into the mood with extended foreplay and just some nice , non-sexual touchingand snuggling. stuff like that. I watched a berman and berman show- they are sex experts and that is what they suggeds. mel

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I feel uncomfortable during foreplay too.  I feel uncomfortable with anything sexual most of the time.  Snuggling is great, I feel cared about when I do that.  It's so stupid, I'm scared of being touched!  what is that?!  I've got to be demented.  I'll probably never have a husband with my messed up feelings about sex.

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I feel uncomfortable during foreplay too.  I feel uncomfortable with anything sexual most of the time.  Snuggling is great, I feel cared about when I do that.  It's so stupid, I'm scared of being touched!  what is that?!  I've got to be demented.  I'll probably never have a husband with my messed up feelings about sex.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You certainly are not demented. And your fear of being touched has its roots in your past traumatic experience. Nothing is your fault. Therapy can help. So, see if maybe your pdoc can recommend a good tdoc who works with PTSD clients. It may also help for your boyfriend to go with you sometime, if you feel comfortable with this, so PTSD and its ongoing effects can be explained to him. Also, maybe your boyfriend would be willing to read some of the links I have pinned on top on the board that help to explain PTSD and ways of coping. Would he be willing?

One someone you loves has PTSD

As far as medication, the Lamictal may very well help you with the depression. I am BP and Lamictal has greatly help my depression (although I take a large dose 400mg to get the anit-depressive effect). I know Effexor can be helpful some people with anxiety, and has been suggested to me for dealing with social anxiety, I am not sure if it helps with the type of anxiety that accompanies PTSD. Effexor can also be difficult to discontiue once you start it. I am not trying to scare you from taking Effexor because if it works for you then that is great. Some people have some success with Lexapro for depression and related anxiety. PTSD is an anxiety disorder. Different benzodiazipines are often Rx'd for different types of anxiety. Of course, with all medications YMMV.

Many tdocs do offer evening hours. Shop around and with help of your pdoc see if you can't find one who does. While medications may help with the depression, anxiety, and often rage (Trileptal is good for dealing with rage), therapy is a very necessary factor when dealing with PTSD.

I'll keep looking for helpful information. In the meantime, remember that you are not alone in your feelings and pain, many people have shared experiences. You are not the only one. You have a disorder that with the right combination of help from others can get better.

Erika

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i dont even know for sure if i have ptsd, i never talked about it extensively with a dr.  on monday im going to tell my psychiatrist.

is this a slight ptsd maybe cause i wasnt forced to do anything... it was always that i let a person do it when i didnt want to because of guilt. sometimes i wonder if that is worse since its almost like i made it happen.  if i would have pushed a person off of me then maybe it wouldnt have been so bad... but i didnt push anyone off when i felt uncomfortable because i was afraid to... felt like i was overreacting or would hurt his feelings . but it scared me.

cause rape is physical i thought. but i learned in school that if you engage in sex and then tell the person u want to stop and they continue, then it is rape.  but who believes that?  is it really rape?  or even trauma?  i sometimes think it was my damn fault for saying yes in the first place.  i feel like maybe i have more guilt because i wasn't physically forced to do anything.  ppl have told me that what i experienced wasnt rape.  i dont *really* care what its called.  it hurt me... bad.

and yes i believe my boyfriend will read your link.

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i dont *really* care what its called.  it hurt me... bad.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is all that matters, you were hurt and you are still hurting. It wasn't right that is why you hurt. Don't deny your pain, it is real.

Erika

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I know how you feel about sex, I act like some kind of porn star, like I really get into it, but I feel like bashing his head in and biting him until he bleeds! Yeah, I have those reactions too.

I think that you had sex before you were really able to consent to it. 13-year-olds don't know what the emotional and psychological consequences of sex are! And you have values and cultural norms of however you were raised, whether that was strict or less so. I know I feel guilty for having sex, even though I believe it is healthy and normal to have sex.

Anyway, do not ignore your pain. It is a good idea to talk to your boyfriend about it, so he doesn't think it is his fault. Maybe other intimate activities, like massage, would help you feel close and not violated? We mentally interesting people have a whole lot going on in our heads, and who knows where half of it comes from!

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Damn, I feel I should have a doctorate talking about this stuff.  Must be how I have so many friends.  May I?

Sex's addictive quality is its release.  (You may have a different view.)  Man, I love sex.  I just hope it doesn't kill me.  And hell will freeze over before I feel guilty about partaking of something I am hard wired for.

Sure it can get out of whack.  Easy.  Maybe I fuck like a guy- I have fun.  Sexist!

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Hi Ammity,

Lately Iam repulsed by my husbands touch, let alone foreplay or sex , DONT TOUCH ME1    This isnt completely undseerving but itoo like a previous p0st can really get into sex ina an all consuming way. 

  I guess  that I just wanted to relate to you with what i am giong through now.  It is very confusing. But in a way I feel like I am taking control  w/o trying to activly hurt him.    Right now , sex  play make s me physically react in  negative ways.  best to you and all of you here.  ( by the way , I just learned that lol means lots of laughs when I thought it meant lots of love, still learnibg)    doxie

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Damn, I feel I should have a doctorate talking about this stuff.  Must be how I have so many friends.  May I?

Sex's addictive quality is its release.  (You may have a different view.)  Man, I love sex.  I just hope it doesn't kill me.  And hell will freeze over before I feel guilty about partaking of something I am hard wired for. Sure it can get out of whack.  Easy.  Maybe I fuck like a guy- I have fun.  Sexist!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I do not think it is a question of feeling guilty about sex when one has been sexually abused in the past. The problem is when sex is associated and very often inseparable from a fearful reaction due to past trauma(s). I agree that sex is nothing to feel guilty about when one is healthy, free of fear, and not suffering from PTSD related to any kind of prior sexual abuse.

Maybe I have misunderstood your post? I like sex too, think it is a great thing and often a good stress reliever. I was sexually abused as a child and raped when I was 21. Through therapy and time I know enjoy an active and pleasurable sex life. But I do not think the issue being discussed here is about guilt and sex. It is a problem of sex being related to a sexual trauma and how therapy and working on PTSD issues can help one be able to return to a healthy sex life. The guilt is about feeling like the abused person did something wrong to bring about the sexual abuse and rape rather than guilt being related to any sort of sexual activity.

Erika

Erika

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