Stupid advice given

[Angeljasmine]

Vent time for me. Stupid advice I was just given. It was maybe meant well but it SUX.

I sent a few txts to someone (who knows all about my depression) and I said I'm going to pdoc this week to be put back on meds as I'm not well and all I do is sleep and lie in bed all day and not eat.

He replied asking if my house is tidy at the moment, if I'm stuck for something to do.

Well DOH. I'm too depressed to even get out of bed, even getting in the shower takes an effort, need milk but instead of getting in car and going to get some, I can't, I think I'll leave it till tomorrow, even if it means I can't even have a cup of tea till then.

It's not being lazy, it's just due to my depression I can't be bothered doing anything, the less I do the better at the moment. I don't want to feel like this, but I don't see the point of anything let alone the point of my life, my body resists doing things, I get an automatic feeling of "dread" when I think about doing something, or else I just think "nah". Like I was going to go to the movies today but I didn't see the point of that either. So stupid. I don't want to feel like this.

[Bernard]

People suck! Stupid advice.

I feel exactly as you do. In fact, I need a cup of tea but there is no milk as I have avoided going to the shops to get some.

The worst thing is when someone tells you to "Snap out of it!" or "Get over it" I just want to slap them but I know there is absolutely no point so I don't do anything.

Feel for you. Hope you feel better soon. Did you get some meds?

Bern

[praxis]

Yeah, that was pretty dumb advice. Your friend may be aware of your MI, but he obviously doesn't get it. I think you really have to have some first hand experience understand that you really can't lift a finger to help yourself when you are in the depths of a bad depression. Fortunately, meds do help. Hang in there.

[lysergia]

He replied asking if my house is tidy at the moment, if I'm stuck for something to do.

a more appropriate response from him would be "is your house tidy? can i help come clean it before it gets overwhelming?"

nobody ever thinks about that unless they've been depressed themselves, huh.

sorry you're feeling rotten. housecleaning can wait. good for you for going back to the doc.

-lysergia

[AirMarshall]

You gave a perfect description of depression.

People who have never been depressed cannot fully appreciate how debilitating it is. They just can't.

I suppose the thing to do is to take his comments as an attempt to be helpful. Along the lines of "gee, if you had something to keep busy with, you would feel better, and feel better for having accomplished something".

Keep that pdoc appointment, and realize that once you feel better, little things like this won't seem 'quite' so annoying.

hope you feel better soon,

a.m.

[lilie]

what a freakin idiot. tell his ass I'm too DEPRESSED to clean my apartment so if YOU'VE nothing to do at present then you can bring your stupid lack-of-understanding ass to my house and clean it for me.

arrgghh

lilie

(I hope you get better soon the pit sucks)

[Penny Century]

oh man. i've gotten shit like that. "you should go on a walk, what you need to do is get out of the house" or "you need a hobby." i mean walks and hobbies are great... but sometimes we CAN'T.

i know people are trying to be supportive, but it also feels invalidating in that they don't understand that it isn't something you can just get over through force of will. and like lysergia said, why don't they come and clean for you, actually help? i dunno.

People who have never been depressed cannot fully appreciate how debilitating it is. They just can't.

i hate this.

because it's true. and it can feel very isolating. sometimes i feel like it creates a wall between me and "normal" people because depression has been such a large part of my life. it's hard to remember that there are parts of me outside of depression, and that those parts can relate to "normal" people. but, in the depths of depression, "normal" people are like aliens. and sometimes they are really fucking annoying aliens.

[resonance]

A couple people told me that it would help with agitated depression if I made sure I was listening to happy music every day.

wtf.

Yes, I would like a band-aid for my broken leg, please. Thank you.

[wifezilla]

This is not mental stuff and hard to compare, but I think I had a little taste of what you are talking about....

I fell while roller blading and jammed my elbow. It hurt like hell and I was having trouble moving my arm. Hubby and friends insisted I just needed to "pop" it and tried to yank on my arm. I kept telling them it did not need to be popped and to leave my arm the hell alone. They bugged me all night and actually accused me (ME?!?! Big burly amazon ME?!?!) of being a wuss.

Well, it was worse the next day and I finally (against hubby's wishes) went to the Emergicare. IT WAS FUCKING BROKEN! Dumbasses. Hubby and I had one of our few and far between fights over this one.

[Angeljasmine]

Thanks everyone for the posts. I asked him to bring me some milk in the end, which he did.

I suppose the thing to do is to take his comments as an attempt to be helpful. Along the lines of "gee, if you had something to keep busy with, you would feel better, and feel better for having accomplished something".

I've heard this one too, from the same person even. Yeah maybe temporarily you feel better for a short time, but it isn't a cure, and sometimes you cannot even get out of bed, let alone "keep busy".

oh man. i've gotten shit like that. "you should go on a walk, what you need to do is get out of the house" or "you need a hobby." i mean walks and hobbies are great... but sometimes we CAN'T.

Next time I saw him I asked him to take me for a walk, which he did.

At the moment I feel that ... I want to get better (desparately!) but that I just cannot do it without support. If I had someone to encourage me and to accompany me on walks now and then, who made sure I ate properly and that I got out of the house by taking me somewhere. I feel like I have a "disability" even when I am perfectly capable of getting in my own car and going out to do stuff. I just don't see the point a lot of the time in doing things ALONE.

I don't want to walk in a park alone see first hand all that I'm missing out on life, the couples walking hand in hand, the families with husband and children playing, families going on picnics. It makes me feel like an outsider. I don't need a reminder or to have it "rubbed in" how much I'm missing in my life.

I was told by one teacher that I'd be so much better if I just woke up and said to myself "I'm going to be OK today" and it was all about "positive mental attitude."

A positive attitude may work fine for those who are not MI. If you're depressed, I feel no amount of so-called "positive thinking" is going to have any effect unless you're actually in the process of healing, and are getting help.

A couple people told me that it would help with agitated depression if I made sure I was listening to happy music every day.

I find that certain music or certain songs can actually make me feel HAPPINESS (a rather alien but welcomed feeling for me), but it only lasts for a few seconds before that feeling is gone. F*n frustrating I tell ya.

Can't wait till my rescheduled pdoc appointment. Stupid me was too sick to attend my much-awaited pdoc apptment, specially when it was self-inflicted. :-( Not my intention to miss it, was due to extreme emotions and circumstances things got out of control.