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I still don't like the fact that I am BP but I am getting much better at accepting it. Still there are many days when I do hate it, I don't want to take anymore meds, I get sick of taking my meds, but if I didn't take my meds I would probably hate it a lot more.

BTW, did listen and did hear you!

Erika

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I saw my pdoc on Fri. and I told her I felt like a junkie. She also informed me that dI will probably be on multiple drugsfor life ormostly unless they come out w/ something better. Iwill never make any sort of announcement about being bp. Only 4 people know: my tdoc, my pdoc, my older sister, and mydh. It does suck.

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I hear you and am listening as well... it sucks, i know.  None of us chose this path and, unlike Erika, I don't think that I have gotten any better at accepting it.  It is hard a lot of the time, but sometimes being here and learning from other people's experiences and having such support helps out a lot.  We're all here for ya

~Ophelia

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i hate it. i feel so out of control of my life.  right now, i can't enjoy hardly anything. i'm afraid to go places because im pretty sure i'm going to get in a bad mood and i might have just as well stayed home and slept or sat at the pc.

what i was saying i hated was life.  but u guys are right, i hate being bipolar.  really my life would be much better if i was mentally stable, but its not going to be.  maybe one day. actually maybe a whole week at a time, but then it sucks again.

i feel so alone.

thank you all for posting.  it was uplifting.  glad i could get that out.  nobody wants to hear I HATE IT I HATE I HATE IT. but it just feels so good to just say it... and to be actually listened to by people who understand wth i'm talking about.

thanks ;)

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I don't hate being bipolar anymore, I just got tired of that after a while, and anyhow, my life would've been a whole lot less "interesting" if I were normal.  Whatever that is.  And all the therapy has made me actually begin to like myself some so now I can't really wish that were different.

But I hate being alone.  I'm 46 and spent so much fucking time being a drama queen, trying geographic cures, abusing my body and my mind and everyone around me, that I managed to stay firmly single, afraid of what would happen if I let anyone close, since everything used to be so painful.  Now it's just me and the cats.  A lot more than others have, but I'm tired of comparing myself to homeless people or people starving in war-torn african countries.  I want someone to put their arms around me, besides the nice people at my AA meetings I mean, someone who just likes me.  I hate being single and afraid I'll never get to share more of my life with someone.

And right now I HATE HATE HATE how slowly I have to go up on lamictal.  I hate medications fucking me up and then having to go through trials of multiple others.  I hate the handful of pills I have to take morning and evening because I have to stay on everything else until the lamictal works or doesn't work.  I have the patience of a 2 year old and I want to be done now.  Thursday I told the pdoc I didn't want to get stable first on Depakote I wanted to start on lamictal now because I don't want two more med changes instead of one.  What was I thinking?  All I want to do is sleep and whine.

Piss.  I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.

Hmm. It does make me feel better.

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When I'm not on the right meds and before I got treatment, I hated being BP. Now that I have drugs that work and a pdoc I respect and like, I think I am "normal" for now. I feel like my BP has given me, no matter how painful the lessons, a perspective on life that not too many people have, and I am a better person for all the trying and pain. I know that any time I can go nuts and all this will fly out the window, and I do hate that thought.

I hate what BP did to my life before it was controlled, especially my fucked up marriage. But I am better (for) now!

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For what it's worth, I'm casting my vote with the non-haters. To hate it would be to hate myself. I even delighted sometimes in the pain of it all. Mostly, I was quite miserable, mind you, but my consolation prize was living at depths unknown to most normals (or mortals ;) . Ignorance is bliss. Would I trade my "talents" for obliviousness? Don't know. But since I'm stuck with this, I'd better say no.

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i hear you

iv been trying to find the right combination of meds for erm Gawd since i was a young kid in therapy, im now 22 nearly 23 AND STILL TRYING!!

never loose sight of dreams you have, as one day they will be acomplished

lots of love hugs

x

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