Ammity Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! k, thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batou Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I still don't like the fact that I am BP but I am getting much better at accepting it. Still there are many days when I do hate it, I don't want to take anymore meds, I get sick of taking my meds, but if I didn't take my meds I would probably hate it a lot more. BTW, did listen and did hear you! Erika Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel1 Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I saw my pdoc on Fri. and I told her I felt like a junkie. She also informed me that dI will probably be on multiple drugsfor life ormostly unless they come out w/ something better. Iwill never make any sort of announcement about being bp. Only 4 people know: my tdoc, my pdoc, my older sister, and mydh. It does suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ophelia Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I hear you and am listening as well... it sucks, i know. None of us chose this path and, unlike Erika, I don't think that I have gotten any better at accepting it. It is hard a lot of the time, but sometimes being here and learning from other people's experiences and having such support helps out a lot. We're all here for ya ~Ophelia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammity Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 i hate it. i feel so out of control of my life. right now, i can't enjoy hardly anything. i'm afraid to go places because im pretty sure i'm going to get in a bad mood and i might have just as well stayed home and slept or sat at the pc. what i was saying i hated was life. but u guys are right, i hate being bipolar. really my life would be much better if i was mentally stable, but its not going to be. maybe one day. actually maybe a whole week at a time, but then it sucks again. i feel so alone. thank you all for posting. it was uplifting. glad i could get that out. nobody wants to hear I HATE IT I HATE I HATE IT. but it just feels so good to just say it... and to be actually listened to by people who understand wth i'm talking about. thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! k, thanks for listening. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Been there, done that... feel your pain. Still listening. Path Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NARS Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 I don't hate being bipolar anymore, I just got tired of that after a while, and anyhow, my life would've been a whole lot less "interesting" if I were normal. Whatever that is. And all the therapy has made me actually begin to like myself some so now I can't really wish that were different. But I hate being alone. I'm 46 and spent so much fucking time being a drama queen, trying geographic cures, abusing my body and my mind and everyone around me, that I managed to stay firmly single, afraid of what would happen if I let anyone close, since everything used to be so painful. Now it's just me and the cats. A lot more than others have, but I'm tired of comparing myself to homeless people or people starving in war-torn african countries. I want someone to put their arms around me, besides the nice people at my AA meetings I mean, someone who just likes me. I hate being single and afraid I'll never get to share more of my life with someone. And right now I HATE HATE HATE how slowly I have to go up on lamictal. I hate medications fucking me up and then having to go through trials of multiple others. I hate the handful of pills I have to take morning and evening because I have to stay on everything else until the lamictal works or doesn't work. I have the patience of a 2 year old and I want to be done now. Thursday I told the pdoc I didn't want to get stable first on Depakote I wanted to start on lamictal now because I don't want two more med changes instead of one. What was I thinking? All I want to do is sleep and whine. Piss. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. Hmm. It does make me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loon-A-TiK Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 When I'm not on the right meds and before I got treatment, I hated being BP. Now that I have drugs that work and a pdoc I respect and like, I think I am "normal" for now. I feel like my BP has given me, no matter how painful the lessons, a perspective on life that not too many people have, and I am a better person for all the trying and pain. I know that any time I can go nuts and all this will fly out the window, and I do hate that thought. I hate what BP did to my life before it was controlled, especially my fucked up marriage. But I am better (for) now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 For what it's worth, I'm casting my vote with the non-haters. To hate it would be to hate myself. I even delighted sometimes in the pain of it all. Mostly, I was quite miserable, mind you, but my consolation prize was living at depths unknown to most normals (or mortals . Ignorance is bliss. Would I trade my "talents" for obliviousness? Don't know. But since I'm stuck with this, I'd better say no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammity Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 i've never found the right meds yet. im 22 and been trying since age 17. been on most all of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbow_tears Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 i hear you iv been trying to find the right combination of meds for erm Gawd since i was a young kid in therapy, im now 22 nearly 23 AND STILL TRYING!! never loose sight of dreams you have, as one day they will be acomplished lots of love hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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