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I think I may have an episode


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It's very much related to stresses in my life. Money...we have none. My husband rubbed my 20 year old daughters ass the other night when he was drunk, he wants a divorce but we can't afford it and he says he would take our three children, my job is screwing up my sleep cycle which in and of itself could cause an episode.

I have a bottle of 60 hydrocodone. I'd like to count them out and take them all. But I won't. I wouldn't want to ruin my 13 year old's birthday. She would take it as an affront.

But I truly can't take anymore. We moved last June and I still miss my old home. Husband threw 13 year old across the room last spring so she decided with her sister to go live with their dad. My oldest, 20 year old, is with her dad, youngest three are at risk of being taken by my husband. I have given birth seven times and I'm going to end up all alone? It breaks my heart into tiny little pieces.

I am about to crack.

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he threw your 13-yr-old and grabbed the 20 yr-old's ass? that's abuse! that's the same ind of shit that we're fucked up over. imagine being 13, so small compared to this guy, and being thrown across the room by him, then imagine your mother standing by this guy and not you, so you have to leave!

that's how she feels. that's how they feel.

why are you staying with someone who is abusing your children and making them leave you? i think you should think long and hard about this. why did he grab her ass? if someone grabbed my ass he'd get the shit knocked out of him, pronto, and i'd leave for sure.

summon up your maternal instincts and put your kids first. the money will come. yesterday i got a disconnection notice in the mail from the electric company, and when i spoke with them they said they could only give me a 10-day grace period. i freaked- where would i get the money? today a check came, out of teh clear blue sky, from our state auditor's office for close to the amount of my bill. miracles happen. i believe strongly that things do work out somehow.

don't stay with someone who degrades you and your children. do you want them to end up f-ed in the head like we are because of it? i moved between relatives constantly due to abuse and neglect. that's no way for a child to grow up.

edited to say- if your other children testify of the abuse they've suffered at this man's hands, there's no way he would be granted custody of them. you would have custody. if you were deemed VERY VERY "unfit", then they'd go to foster care until you could prove that you are "fit".

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Hi Waterfall,

What a terrible situation you are in! No wonder you may be headed for a breakdown.

While I understand where loon is coming from about putting the children first, I do KNOW how hard it can be to get out of a marriage, especially when there are chilidren involved. I stayed in a dysfunctional marriage/relationship for 10 years. I finally made the decision to leave my ex, but at a very high cost. I am in a wonderful relationship with a man who truly loves and cares for me, but am without my three children. I had a mental breakdown two and a half years ago and because it only got worse after the initial episode, my children where finally given to their father this year. I struggled under so much stress of trying to raise them by myself, and with the added stress of dealing with Bipolar, I finally had to make the decision to place them in fostercare. I never got them back, and likely never will. I know what is to miss children like you must be.

But you have to find a way to take care of you first. Thats the only way you will be able to take care of your kids. I learned that thru hardship. I do agree that you should leave your husband. But I cant say you must leave him. Only you can find the way out of your situation. Thats harsh, but its true.

Good luck,

Selene

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I probably should have explained better. The time he threw Heather across the room she had hit him very hard in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him and it was a knee jerk reaction to push her away. Not that it makes it okay, but it's not like he is in the habit of tossing people around. That was the only time he ever abused any of the children.

The thing with my 20 year old is the most disturbing. He was totally drunk when he did it and doesn't even remember it. Not that it makes it okay. I think that one can blow over as she gets used to coming over more often.

He keeps talking about splitting up at some point in time. I've been married twice before and I'll kill him before I divorce him. I won't go t hrough another divorce. Or maybe I will and go with my lesbian tendencies. Maybe men just aren't for me.

I'm alll over the place here. I feel better now that I took my hydrococne and had some dinner. He's not home yet.

I just wish things could be different.

Did I mention I am having eye surgery on Tuesday? One thing after another, after another, after another.......ad nauseum.

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Your 20 year old daughter should not EVER have to GET OVER having her ass rubbed by her step-father. That should not be something that you even think about "blowing over." If he did it once, he'll do it again.

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She has a fused spinal column in her neck and gets terrible knots. So he has been massaging her for years because he is much better at it than I am. He will not be massaging her anymore. I have no doubt that he would never do anything inappropriate again.

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Your 20 year old daughter should not EVER have to GET OVER having her ass rubbed by her step-father. That should not be something that you even think about "blowing over." If he did it once, he'll do it again.

I agree with Becca. ;)

I hope things work out for you, Waterfall. I don't really have any advice or suggestions, but I will send good thoughts to you. Good luck with your eye surgery.

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he threw your 13-yr-old and grabbed the 20 yr-old's ass? that's abuse! that's the same ind of shit that we're fucked up over. imagine being 13, so small compared to this guy, and being thrown across the room by him, then imagine your mother standing by this guy and not you, so you have to leave!

that's how she feels. that's how they feel.

Loon is right, it is horrible to watch one parent stand by. I watched both of mine stand by and LIE.

My father and a paternal uncle were my perps. The abuse with my uncle was by far the most severe. I found out as a 30 something woman with a child of my own that my parents KNEW. They knew and hush, hushed it all because my granny was sick and her and my uncle were a package deal. They sacrificed me, a true virgin sacrifice, to keep it under the rug. A rug the size of Alaska. Horrible. To be the sacrificial virgin. Then my father had to add the brutal insult to injury when I was a teenager.

It's never too late to save a child. Even an adult child. I don't envy you your situation.

Blessings for you and your children.

S9

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Hi Waterfall

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. It sounds kind of like you're trying to talk yourself into doing something...I don't know...I guess I just want to throw in a few words of encouragement. I'm a mom and I've been through divorce, too.

You won't regret doing whatever you need to do to keep your kids safe and well and loved.

That is the truth, it will always be true, no matter what. No man, NO man is worth sacrificing your kids for. Nope. No way.

I just wonder if maybe some of the despair you're feeling is the pain of knowing, yeah, I have to do something and boy, is it going to be tough. I could be wrong and if I am, I'm sorry if I'm overstepping. But I've been there. I had to pull the plug on one hell of a bad situation and I was BROKE. B-R-O-K-E. But somehow, my kids and I got through, people helped us, we pulled through and when I look back, I have no regrets. I would never go back to that old situation, no way. It was just the right thing to do, to get out.

I know you have to do what you think is right. I'm not trying to be preachy and maybe this isn't the right time or maybe you really want to stay with your man, I don't know. But be careful, both with your babies and with your own sanity. You and your babies are worth peace and goodness in this life.

Take care,

Cat

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Waterfall--and all--isn't it interesting how easy it is to say to others, "Why, I would never allow that--I would just leave immediately." And doesn't that make us all feel so much better?

But Waterfall and I know--and many of you other do too, if you will admit it--that its not that easy, it just don't work that way. NO ONE on the face of the earth is totally bad--and I believe you can control to some extent every part of your life except one--who you fall in love with.

And that, my sanctimonous friends, can make all the difference. He isn't all bad, he doesn't act like a jerk all the time, at one point you loved him, you still do in a way, and so that's a large complication. Add children that you created together, and the mix thickens.

The other complication (which may not afect Waterfall--) is physical. If you are 5'2" on a good day, he is 6'3" and 250 lbs. and he doesn't want you to leave, let me tell you--YOU DON"T LEAVE

I am not in any way condoning physical abuse or sexual abuse--but many times, its just not that easy to "just leave", or call the cops, or whatever. And so while you wait this out, and try to figure out what you need to do and how you're gonna do it--you need two things. A friend you can count on TOTALLY, and you need to be healthy. Which means you gotta take care of yourself. If you have kids depending on you, you have to stay well for them, especially if leaving is not an option for you, no matter what your reasons.

If you feel yourself falling into the trap of "who cares, it won't get better, there's nothing I can do, let me just go to bed", stop and PM me. I have been there, I KNOW and I will do what I can to help you sort things out.

You count, you are important, you are strong, and you will do whats right for you and your kids. And it may take time--

Love, china

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I hope that you're doing okay, Waterfall. I know you've got a lot on your plate and after reading the last post, I just wanted to make sure you know that I didn't intend in any way to come across as judging you at all. I never, ever sit in judgment of others here. I have my own problems, believe me, and I have nothing but concern and care...I just hope you feel strong enough to do whatever you think is best for you and your children. I know you care so much. It comes through in everything you write.

Please take good care of yourself. Have a peaceful weekend.

Cat

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--isn't it interesting how easy it is to say to others,(XXX)

... if you will admit it--that its not that easy, it just don't work that way. ...

And so while you wait this out, and try to figure out what you need to do and how you're gonna do it--you need two things.

A friend you can count on TOTALLY,

and you need to be healthy.

Which means you gotta take care of yourself.

If you have kids depending on you, you have to stay well for them,

especially if leaving is not an option for you,

no matter what your reasons.

If you feel yourself falling into the trap of "who cares, it won't get better, there's nothing I can do, let me just go to bed", stop and PM me. I have been there, I KNOW and I will do what I can to help you sort things out.

You count, you are important, you are strong

, and you will do whats right for you and your kids. And it may take time--

Love, china

this is a very triggery topic for me

so I just want to make sure

you've read what China is saying here

very important that you don't just fall into the trap and go to bed

been there and done alll the above

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It's gotten worse. It turns out he's been giving her alcohol behind my back since she was 15. He started massaging her when she was 17 or 18. One night her pants were pulled down and he was massaging her all the way down her ass cheeks and his hand "slipped" for a second. He pants should not have been down in the first place!

He also recently started giving my 13 year old massages in which he had her undo her bra. She felt uncomfortable and woudn't allow any more massages.

I have to find a way out. But he says he will keep the little kids. How can I let him have them? ANd where can I go? I have no bank account because my credit is so bad. This is very bad.

He has agreed to counseling to figure out why he has such a lack of boundaries. I think he was sexually abused as a child, but he has no memories.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Oh and guess what? I ran out of my Wellbutrin and I can't get ahold of my pdoc. His mailbox is full!!! All I need is to slip back into a depression.

Thanks for listening.

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Honey, take a deep breath and listen to me. First, right now, call your local women's shelter/abused women's hotline.NOW. I would give you the number but I don't know where you are.

Then, call the police. NOW. If you do not have this person locked up, he will not stop with your girls, if he hasnt already branched out to their friends.

I KNOW you feel helpless, scared, and to some degree--very guilty. STOP. There is help--if you cannot find the abuse hotline, in most areas you can call "211" on your phone and get United Way who will give you the infor you need.

NO COURT IN THE WORLD WOULD GIVE HIM CUSTODY OF ANY CHILD, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR DIAGNOSIS IS. He is trying to scare you into inaction--do not let him win. You have done nothing--you have a mental illness for which you are in treatment. He is a criminal.

You must get him out of your house--immediately. The Women's shelter will help you with details, and the United Way should be able to help you get to your pdoc or someone who can refill your WB.

Please, please, darling, do not wait. Every day you wait will mean more damage to you and your children.

PM me if you need to and I will help you find numbers, etc. I have done this many times, professionally, as a family support worker. PLEASE don't be afraid--its not you he wants, its the girls--and you must act, because they cannot. You must also be prepared for the fact that the older one may support him--sort of the Stockholm syndrome. And lets be honest, she may have been aroused by his actions, which makes her feel more guilty and more tied to him.

Waterfall, I really care about you and your kids--and I want you to know that you are NOT helpless, you are NOT to blame and YOU MUST ACT NOW.

with concern and love,

china

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Hi Waterfall

First, China is right...acting on your instincts here is important. If you feel you need to leave, there are organizations in place that will help you do this. You do NOT have to do this on your own. Many women in your position have been very afraid and felt alone just like you do and those organizations will welcome you with warmth and care. I know...I have experienced this with friends of my family.

Second, please do not feel that you are betraying your husband. He needs help. If you must leave to protect your children (and humbly, if it were me, I would do so), your husband is a grown man. It is not your problem.

Third, your pharmacy should be able to give you some Wellbutrin to hold you over while you wait to hear from your doctor. My husband does this sometimes when his dopey doctor doesn't return calls in a timely fashion. Call the pharmacy or just go in and tell them the situation. Please.

Finally, stay in touch. We are here for you. We care very much. Do not give up or lose heart. No one is going to take your little ones away. My husband is an attorney and his best friend is a family attorney. I know enough to say this with confidence. Trust me...no one would take your babies away and entrust them to a man who is doing what you have described.

Cat

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You can do it. Call the police and go to a shelter. You can have a relationship with all of your children. The ones who have left will respect you more once you leave this man (their step father). Your 20 year old is an adult and can decide if she wants to come with you or not. I know how hard it is to leave when you have no resources at the moment but you must. You are in an abusive household and have only seen the good in him up until now. You were here saying that this is not charasteristic of him and that he would never do it again and now you know differently. This is scary. The administrators of this site should be contacting the police to get suponead for your ISP address to trace your location for your kids to be protected. You will loose your children if you don't act now on their behalf. So do something. Because world WILL get out to the authorities.

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Actually, being a medical professional, I have a legal responsibility to report this--I an be prosecuted for NOT reporting it. But I can't do much if I don't know where you are.

The moderators of this board have no such legal obligation, tho possibly a moral one.

I want to help--but I need you to meet me half way. You have my word I will not call the cops unless it becomes obvious you are going to let this continue. But I don' twant it to be this way--we can do this together, there's help, it doesn't hav to be cops and all. If the cops are notified, YOU need to do it , and right away.

Please lets work together--we have lots of resources foryou--

Just let me know you are OK, and the kids are OK--I am alreay worrying, and will until I hear from you.

Please get in touch with me--PM me and I wil gve you my e-mail or phone number or what ever you need.

I am here for YOU.

love,

china

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Your 20 yr old went 5 years before disclosing this! There is not much communication between the two of you. I expect there to be more. Your children will trust you and speak once distanced from him. Better you hear from them what is happening and you act on it then to have someone show up at your door from CPS sometime in the future. You say in another post that he routinely bathes the little ones 5yr old, 4 yr old, and 18 months. You say he is responisable for putting them to bed and "I can't possibly do it". This has got to stop too. He is an alcoholic and your family needs help. How about your drinking? Sorry to shake things up more I don't think you are being honest with us. I've been reading your other posts. You say that there were other minor instances after your 10 (?) yr old was hit by him. What else has happened that you are not facing? About Rachel, is there anything that has gone on between her and your husband (her stepdad) that can be explain why she physically acts out and lashes her father? What is going on with you that makes you think you will loose your children to him?

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Waterfall, the universe is screaming at you to get help for you and your kids. If you keep not listening, the chaos and the incidents of abuse will keep getting worse.

You NEED SUPPORT.

Chinacat is offering to HELP YOU. Please PM her.

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please listen to china. we all are here for you and can't stand to see you and your children suffer. i can't fathom any court in the world giving custody of children to a child molester.

the financial situation is bad, but there are resources, like shelters for women and children, and the united way. there are lots of individuals, often through the UW, who take in women and children in your situation for a safe haven until things get settled. i offered a safe haven once to an abused woman and she had to be with me for a week until she found some other arrangements.

under no circumstances should you live with a monster. when you consider that he is a monster, it will be easier for you to do what you must do for yourself and your children.

think better of yourself, and if you're not doing it for yourself, then do it for them. they deserve better.

we're here for you and we're standing with you.

loon

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i know it is important for you to move out.

please don't get too stressed out. take some deep breaths. maybe come up with a game plan if you need. just don't let yourself get too stressed out. this may be the hardest thing in your life to do. approach it as if you are treating a disease.

in the meantime, do not leave your children unsupervised around him. if it is possible to do this, then your head might have time to clear up. things are happening rather quickly and they can be overwhelming.

if you can get out now, please take chinacat up on her offer, she knows how to help.

it looks like a mountain, but right now you are in a hole. leaving your husband and protecing your children is getting out of the hole. standing at the bottom of the mountain is your fresh start. who knows? it might just be a hill. i take it you have been in this type of state before. you can do it again. be not afraid.

be careful not to make excuses for him, defend him. i am not saying this to be hurtful, i have just heard that it is common and you should not feel alone. it is so easy to feel that way, but if you know in your heart that it is true, then, please do something. sounds like there is help.

best of everything,

kathy

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To Lachesis--can you honestly judge someone you do not know, and in whose shoes you have not walked?

Do you honestly think these postings are supportive or helpful? There is no place in this situation for snide remarks, or judgement, or just plain being mean.

Please--in this case especially--think before you post.

china

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Waterfall,

right now, if at the very least you can focus on what you need to do, and keep talking to us if you can, because above all i think people here want that you not feel so alone, and to talk with you in a way that can help you see that you have options.

i don't think the above sentence made very much sense, but the parts of it are truly what i meant, so.

be safe

pj

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Waterfall,

It is time for you to perform your most important responsiblity in life: protect your children. You CANNOT leave them alone with your husband one more day. Someone has to be removed, either him, or you and the kids.

You should have a very reasonable suspicion that more may be going on than you have already learned in the last couple days. It will take some time and professional help to sort this out. In the mean time, you cannot allow him access to the children. REMEMBER: IF YOU FAIL TO TAKE ACTION KNOWING THAT ABUSE HAS OCCURRED, YOU CAN BE CHARGE FOR FAILING TO PROTECT THEM, AND END UP LOSING ALL THE KIDS.

I recommend call 911 right NOW. This will get you all sorts of help, from people who are trained professionals.

If you refuse to call the police, then open the phone book and call a women's shelter NOW. They will help get you and the kids out of the house, get them fed, arrange to meet with counselors who can interview the kids and find out if anything else has happened.

All your other concerns are secondary. Take care of the kids first. their next meal, credit cards, work, divorces, what happened before in your life do not matter. Take care of the kids and everything else will take care of itself.

A father does not get blind drunk.

A father does not get blind drunk while taking care of children

A father does not see his teenage daughters as sources of sexual gratification, regardless

A father does not massage his daughter, lower her pants and grope her

A father does not massage his 13 year old and remove her bra.

These are not normal things for any family. You should not lower your expectations of any man to allow this. Do not fail your children by lowering your standards for yourself.

Get on the phone and call the police or call a shelter. NOW. No matter what time of the day or nite it is.

You know that your two daughters already need some counseling. Your concious will be unbearable forever if you allow things to continue.

Wishing the best for you and your family.

a.m.

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My mother was an abused spouse I PM'ed you with some information on leaving. Ignore the negativity and focus. You can do it. You're just really emotional right now and everything seems like a big ball of confusion in your head. So the most important thing is: to get out now. That's it. Find a way to get out with your kids. You can work the rest out later. I know you have a lot fears about the relationship and supporting yourself and the kids but they can be worked out.

Take the kids and leave at the first opportunity. If you feel like you can't get out by yourself, call the police, tell them the situation, and then ask them to stand there while you collect your things so your husband can't flip out on you. Then leave. Or sneak out anytime he's not there. Just leave.

You can do it.

Goddess bless

lilie

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Sorry I haven't responded. I had cataract surgery on Tuesday and I am still recovering. I can't lift anything over 5 pounds or bend over. So it's not like I can go anywhere anyway, not to mention there is no where to go! He's not abusive to me, my daughter was over 18 when it all happened so it's just considered sexual harassment. He is getting therapy to figure out why his boundaries are so screwed up.

Don't worry, my children and I are in no danger. We will most likely be getting divorced, but we can't afford it right now. He considers us separated and sleeps on the couch and has taken off his wedding ring.

I don't feel like I'm going to have an episode. Thank goodness for psychotropic drugs!

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;):) AM said "A father does not get blind drunk.

A father does not get blind drunk while taking care of children

A father does not see his teenage daughters as sources of sexual gratification, regardless

A father does not massage his daughter, lower her pants and grope her

A father does not massage his 13 year old and remove her bra."

it doesn't matter if your child is over 18, it doesn't matter if she's 28 (my age) or 50. that's your DAUGHTER. his STEPDAUGHTER!!!!!!!!! that's plain disgusting!!!

allowing them to stay for a second in that environment is cruel to them. they'll want to go live with their dad if you don't protect them. it is your duty as their mother, as the first woman in their lives, as the one who gave birth to them, to protect them and love them in spite of it all. it doesn't matter what kind of surgery you just had. you can call the police, call a women's shelter and the united way, and get out of there. now. no excuses, no waiting. it doesn't matter if you'er over the coo-coo's nest or not. it doesn't matter how crazy you are. you're crazy if you stay. :cussing: there is, of course, the battered women's syndrome, where women feel powerless and like they somehow "deserve" the abuse. don't get into that situation. please save yourself and especially your children. they are powerless in this world without you, except for your children over 18. and you've said you want to have good relationships with all of them. well, a good place to start is by not letting them be molested. my mom let her boyfriend molest me, and even beat me into telling social services that i had lied, just to protect him and the illusion that everything was ok. don't do this to your children. they deserve a strong mother. :wtf:

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He didn't remove her bra. He had her undo the straps so he could massage the knots in her back. There is no doubt in my mind that he never did anything sexual to Heather (13 yo) or any other of the children. Running away willy nilly would distrupt my son's schooling. HE is the one who will have to leave, or we will both leave and go our separate ways. Nothing will ever happen to any of the children because he is not allowed by law to be with them without me there. My daughter's boyfriend's mother called CPS which did nothing but add another piece of drama to an already dramatic situation. She didn't know the facts and thought that Heather had been molested which isn't true. She should not have called without knowing all the facts.

Look, I am not trying to defend him. I just know that everyone is safe. He is not abusive to me and he can't be abuse with the children because I have to always be here by law. So why flee like a fly being chased by a swatter? To confuse and disrupt my children's lives?

I"m trying to come to terms with what happened with Emily, the 20 year old. I think I am still in shock. I don't want this. I want my life to go back to normal. I know it won't, but it's not like I have to run screaming with my children tucked under my arms. My two middle daughters live with their dad anyway and only come on the weekends and only when I am home. He would never do anything to the three little ones. He is not a pedophile. He has severe boundary issues. He is interested in women, not girls or boys. Again, not to make excuses but to explain why I don't need to go flying away with my children on my broomstick.

NOTHING is going to happen to me or my children. That I can guarantee.

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Oh and if I were to call the cops they'd ask what the problem was and I'd say my husband sexually harrassed my 20 year oldl daughter, and they'd say she has to take that up in court. Then they'd ask if he was abusing me or any children and I'd say no and that would be the end of that.

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First, I am so proud of you for your strength and determination to keep your kids safe. I have to say, tho, that what you are saying sounds painfully familiar to me--"He never hits the kids, only me." "He never sexually abuses the younger ones only the older one." ( And you know what? In my case, he DID hit the kids, I just didn't know it till last year--20 years later.)

That may be true, but you honestly cannot be there every minute. Now--let me ask you this--what are you getting from this relationship? Whats the payoff? (not counting money) or as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working for you?" I agree it is his place to leave your house and your children, and I still honestly believe that would be the best for you all.But you are the only one who can make that decision.

"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck--its probably a duck" I understand he is your security, and you feel safe, for the moment, and believe you are doing the best for your kids. But please, please remember--grown men who have any sort of relationship with teenage girls, especially their children or step children are NOT going to change, and they are NOT going to stop. And someday, your little ones won't be so little.

Its time to do some hard thinking about your future and your kids. Where do you want to be in a year? In five years? Spend some time and work on some goals--one step at a time. You are doing what I love to do --"thinking globally" --"Its all OK, it will change (or never change) I can't ever afford to support my kids alone". Yes, you can, but it will take some work and some planning.

Please know that we all care deeply about you and your kids, and we want you to make good sound decisions about your life. No one can tell you what those decisions should be--but if you listen to your gut, you will know what you need to do--now, next year, in 5 years.

There is lots of help for you to make those decisions--and it does NOT mean you take off for a battered women's shelter, or call CPS. It means you find a group for whats calld "Displaced homemakers"--women who have no means of support other than their partner. (Call United Way) You talk to a women's center and get some legal information, and make your plans for your life, and your kids' safety and future.

I am a bit older than you, but I went back to school when I was 40 in the middle of physical abuse, drug abuse, divorce,inappropriate sex everywhere (and I was part of some of it) and more unbelievable shit in my life than you could imagine. And I did it--I just kept at it, because I had a goal. I used to study in the afternoons in a bar, because I had no where else to go. My kids hated me for a while--but they turned out to be my biggest supporters. And you know who else turned into a real support? The ex, when he had to go to court-ordered counciling and realized what his actions were doing to his family.

So--if I canhelp, or you just want to rant, whine, complain, or even bounce some ideas off me, I am here--we are all here.

And we love you--

china

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Thank you so much for that. It means so much to me that I can vent here.

Where do I see myself in a year? Five years? Doing something better than working at Target, that's for sure. I love school. I'm 38 and want to go back to school. For what, I'm not sure. I thought of nursing, and I may still persue that. I just don't know right now.

I know I'm not ready to be angry yet. I'm still in shock. Give me a few weeks and you'll be getting a full head of me. Trust me!

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Hi Water fall. Glad to see you back from your eye surgery. I am still concerned for your wellbeing. You have said that after you raged (attacked/assaulted whatever) at your husband that he was violent back and much worse than you had been to him. This is domestic violence between the two of you. I don't know what arrangements you use for childcare when you are working at target, but it better not be him. If he is court ordered to not be around children without your presense then obviously he has some issues regarding children and there has been trouble. He WAS physically violent with the one who was "thrown across the room." Obviously your children have learned to be violent within your household because two of them have recently been violent with him. Alcoholism, domestic violence, mentally interestingness, and criminal history are big issues. Do you have a court ordered therapist for any reason or is there a court ordered professional supervising the home? Are they aware of all of this? Your T and pdoc better be. I'm sure your personal therapist would have reported the incident with the "throwing across the room" and I wonder what the outcome is? You were saying that he would take the kids and this has bothered you. This does not make sense. How would he get to take the kids if he can't be alone with him? This is not adding up.

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Hi Water fall. Glad to see you back from your eye surgery. I am still concerned for your wellbeing. You have said that after you raged (attacked/assaulted whatever) at your husband that he was violent back and much worse than you had been to him. This is domestic violence between the two of you. I don't know what arrangements you use for childcare when you are working at target, but it better not be him. If he is court ordered to not be around children without your presense then obviously he has some issues regarding children and there has been trouble. He WAS physically violent with the one who was "thrown across the room." Obviously your children have learned to be violent within your household because two of them have recently been violent with him. Alcoholism, domestic violence, mentally interestingness, and criminal history are big issues. Do you have a court ordered therapist for any reason or is there a court ordered professional supervising the home? Are they aware of all of this? Your T and pdoc better be. I'm sure your personal therapist would have reported the incident with the "throwing across the room" and I wonder what the outcome is? You were saying that he would take the kids and this has bothered you. This does not make sense. How would he get to take the kids if he can't be alone with him? This is not adding up.

You are confused, LOL. He can't be alone with Heather for now. This is just until the findings are considered unfounded, which I am sure they will be. She is 13 and not his biological dd. She does not live with us. He takes very good care of our three biological children and there hasn't been an issue with that. He watches our kids when I am working. He is very good to them. And he never drank alone with them.

Biggest problem now is money. We can't pay our bills. No more alcohol for him, partially because we can't afford it! Alcohol has always been the key to all shenanigans.

Anyway, thanks for thinking of me. I have an appment with my pd tonight. I need more Klonopin. I'd better go call and tell them I will be late. Thanks again!

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