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Hi! im new here....


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Hello! I have never posted on something like this before. But I found this site and I honestly think you guys are amazing. Sometimes you just need to hear and see for yourself that you are not the only one struggling. I was diagnosed with clinical depression almost two years ago now. I was a senior in high school taking way too many honors classes, trying to swim four hours a day with my crazy club swim team, and trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me. It's no wonder I broke down and developed a pretty severe eating disorder. In hindsight I had probably been depressed for years but it took the outward physical effects of an ED for anyone to notice. Its amazing how realization of one disorder, like ED, can open up the door to so many of your other problems being realized for what they are (like anxiety and OCD). Fortunately, I got help quickly and got sufficiently scared by threats of hospitalization to at least actively work on improving myself. I graduated on time and got into a great college. But now everyone thinks everything is fine and dandy with me. I gained all my weight (plus too much) back so everything must be perfect, right? I think I'm just slipping back down now... and I can't tell anyone cause I don't like the feeling of everyone worrying about me. I'm afraid my mom will make me leave school if she finds out how i am really doing. But on the other hand, I am desperately scared of failing (cause I've never failed at anything and people expect me to be the one getting straight A's... but that just isn't going to happen anymore). I think Lexapro (20mg) has worked well but I am getting stressed by conflicting advice... my dad doesn't like that I have been on it for 1.5 years, but my mom is all for it (cause she takes it too). I know if I go off I will have to deal with some my problems that I am just not ready to face. So I wish I could say that I am over and recovered from everything that hit me in high school. But then I have days like today where it is almost 4pm and I haven't left my room all day because I lack all motivation! I'm starting to learn this is a journey that is not just going to simply end...

Anyone, thank you guys for having a site like this and being so candid!

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Hi Micki, welcome!

Glad you found us. Feel free to post. If you need help Pm any of the mods.

Yeah, we're in it for the long haul. The key is to not let things slide till you crash and everything falls apart.

You are the expert on YOU! So, when you know that you need adjusting, don't let parents good intentions stand in the way. You should direct contact with a pdoc, and a therapist. Meds and therapy together work better than either alone. Frosh year is the toughest, and you ought to have a therapist available.

Hope things improve.

best,

a.m.

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