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Well i been off and on havin attacks .. due to being off my panic meds ... due to lack of insurance so i am sittin here right now just thinkin about long term lock up in the hospital just to get back on the meds and get my body back on track !!! i so tire of wakin up and worryin about is today gonna be a crazy day !@ ... so i feel like a continous roller coaster of the up and down my emotions never makin sense ... i am debating on the hospital right now but i dont know if they will admit me or not .... i mean i aint really suicidal right now ... but i am more along the line of not knowin what i am gonna to do i dont really feel in control of my actions !!!....

I mean i am goin through all the emotions of anger sadness cryin .. explosive all over the map !!! i dont even know what i am gonna do !! ..

the voices get so loud and over powering ... almost to the point i am afraid to be in my house alone ... i am so scared cause the voices are screamin!! inside my head there all over me i find it hard to find my own voice ..

heck i dont even know if i am makin sense right now !!>.

;)

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Deep breaths, deep breaths... Do you have some benedryl to get you some sleep for the night? If you dont have insurance, and you go in the hospital that bill is gonna be sky high. Try looking for one of those county clinics that dispense emergency meds. Sometimes the soup kitchens dispense meds for emergency. If you decide to go to the hospital find out first how much it will cost, Most likely they will only give you 2 pills at the most. Talking to someone about how panicked you feel will get out all those weird feelings and not make you feel so alone in your head

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well right now my medicaid status is all about pending ... so i am waitin ugh the wait !Q! sucks so hard core...

it sucks when ya dont have the insurance cause the bills stack up to the roof !

---i just dont know what to do sometimes

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the best i can say is make sure your pdoc knows about all of this, and that she treats you to the level of your disorder. it doesn't sound like your seroquel dose is enough. she'll have to cough up for samples to help you through until medicaid comes in. they've got to believe in your medicaid, otherwise they would have kicked you out already.

i believe you'll get medicaid too. just light a candle and focus on it, and i believe that if you do that and send your thoughts in that direction that it will happen faster for you.

there is no excuse for it to be taking so long- since august? i got mine in 3 weeks! that is so unfair. i probably got it faster because of my ssdi, but still, that's just plain wrong. people have bills and need treatment!

get her to write a higher klonopin script. obviously the klonopin you're taking isn't high enough, and neither is the seroquel. she shouldn't be afraid to bump up the seroquel to the level of your symptoms.

she's responsible for your medical care right now, and for making sure your voices are under control. that's her job (your pdoc).

if you feel like you're in a psychosis and don't know what you're capable of doing, then GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!! they'll have to admit you. most hospitals have programs where they "rate" you according to your income and obligations. don't be disuaded. get the medical treatment you need right away. if that means the hospital, then that's what it means. that's what the hospital is for.

get better and brightest blessings-

loon

edited to say- without benzos, the best you're gonna be able to work with is your seroquel. you've got to have enough of it, to contain the voices and the anxiety. if she needs to RX different meds, then she has to do it.

i personally believe in aggressive treatment, especially of aggressive disorders. there's no reason to have to live like that, especially since it has been brought on by lack of benzos and they are easily affordable for most people (i know your case and they're not affordable for you).

i'll pm you.

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Ya ... i would love for them to write me scripts but they would just stack up with all the other scripts i have that have been writen for me that i cant fill cause i dont have the fuckin money .....then ya only get so many samples cause they are watched on what they give out to people ...

---So i am hopin maybe sometime this month or next month i can hear from the medicaid and i can maybe get back on my meds all of them!@!!...

---As for goin to the hospital i am still debating on it .... i am gonna wait and see how i react this weekend but i am still gonna keep that in the front as far asi an !! ...

--i just despise the way of livin that i endure .... sure maybe your state owns cause ya got your medicaid fast my state (indiana) is rated the WORST in mental health care and treatment in the united states ... so thats why everything here moves even slower then normal ..

i just want to be able to control me !

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...and accordng to NAMI, OH is rated the best in mental health care, and i live in OH. i'm very lucky. there are a lot of services, you have to look for them but they're there- for the MI. i obviously can't speak for rural areas and other cities, but in my city i'm very lucky to get the free treatment i get. all of my treatment has been free. now that i have medicaid, i get scripts and not samples so i do have copays (like $2 or something for a month), but i'm fortunate, i know.

i think it is obvious that you're flipping out because you're not on meds/enough meds. she can RX you all the meds she wants until the cows come home and if you can't afford them- and who can afford them?- then you're up a shit creek. i had to pay for a couple of months of my meds before i got into the clinic, and i was virtually bankrupt by the end of that. lamical alone is a monster, even the generic stuff from canada.

can your family help? can your order meds from canada (how illegal)?

i have to say- that is really stupid that they have to regulate how much in samples they can give to people. at my clinic they gave me whatever i needed. i guess there really are huge differences in our health care systems.

edited to say- the reason my state is so hell-bent on making sure we get the best in outpatient care is that they don't want to pay for inpatient care. with our system, if you go to a state hospital, everything is free. totally free. they don't want to cough up that kind of money, hundreds if not thousands a day (i'm not sure really how much an inpatient day costs), so they make darn sure you aren't in the hospital again. that makes a lot of sense. i wish other states would have some sense and follow this example.

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Welll i am goin nuts cause i am off alot of my meds i cant afford them so i do the best i can on my own tryin to keep my sanity .... its not always a easy battle for me but oh well.

--yea i kinda wish my state had good medical care when it comes to the mental ill folks ... but sure my docs keep tellin me theres so much that i can get into as soon as i get insurance .... go figure ..

---i hate my life ;):)

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Loon, how did you get your Medicaid in 3 months?

I went to a lawyer for my SSDI and he said the AVERAGE wait is 18 months. So that means I must live broke for over another year before I get my SSDI hearing, and I am not guaranteed it even then. I am lucky that my 3 recent hospital stays have been written off and/or covered by charity.

I am like Kharama, I sort of wish I could be shipped off to the state hospital for about 6 months until I get my shit straight. I told my pdoc this and he said that is not something I would want to do. He said you permanately lose some civil rights once you go into a state hospital. Is this true? And if so, what "rights" does a mental patient lose?

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