Jump to content

ambivalent


peeej

Recommended Posts

i've been cutting

i told my new pdoc.

i .. am starting to think that it's ok.

that when i get upset, it's ok to do. i want to do it more.

especially when i'm dissociated, and need to get back.

i know that's kind of fucked up.

but succumbing to it anyway.

i don't want to stop.

i've been avoiding reading this forum completely so that it doesn't trigger me.

so i don't know.

i hope i can come back to check this topic. i hope i don't get into reading too much stuff about si.

;) i just want to be alone, in my room, painting on my skin in dark sweet crimson. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's good to be honest with yourself. And to understand that you can't conquer what you think doesn't need conquering.

Do you know why you feel this way, now? Did something change, or just your awareness of how you feel about it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you know why you feel this way, now? Did something change, or just your awareness of how you feel about it?

i don't know.

maybe just everything is getting .. looser and this is the best way to deal with it. it works.

and there are people i'm talking to and i feel safer in sharing which has the paradoxical effect of making things .. more readily manifest(ed).

somehow going back into hiding isn't such a good thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

;) Hang on by mine instead. Then we'll have two birds down with one stone.

Oh gosh, I hope that wasn't horribly inappropriate. Does levity help or make you feel worse, because I really can shut up on request!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you are right. sometimes there are things that are more important, things that have to come first, before you can even actively focus on not cutting. you can't do it all at once. focus on one thing at a time and take care of yourself...

luv ya, pj

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you are right. sometimes there are things that are more important, things that have to come first, before you can even actively focus on not cutting. you can't do it all at once. focus on one thing at a time and take care of yourself...

luv ya, pj

thanks opie. <3

i have done ok today but i'm starting to even not like the language i'm using like 'i did bad' or 'i did ok' because because because

yeah.

i'm not bad.

even it's not bad.

there are other healthier helpful things but it doesn't mean this isn't helpful.

i'm trying to take a break and focus on other things. like i want to do more yoga.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

polysporin is my friend.

i really did a number a few days ago.

i knitted wrist warmers.

and i have a headache. *pout*

i want to do more because i've been dissociating today. i don't know but they go together.

i want to stop

i don't want to stop

i want to stop

i don't want to stop

i want to stop

i don't want to stop

working with a palette knife is a decent alternative, but i hate trying to mix colours when it's dark out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...