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I have always been an introverted person.

Somehow, I have more friends now than I've had in a long time. However, sometimes I just feel left out. For example, I am part of this group of friends who bowl together and do yoga together. I hang out with them sometimes, but I'm never really invited to the things they do on a weekly basis. This makes me feel sort of sad. Then again, maybe since I'm naturally sort of a loner, they don't invite me because they don't think I'd want to go? I probably wouldn't want to go every week--I don't like feeling obligated--but it would be nice to be invited and not feel like I'm just an outsider.

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I often feel that way too... that I have many friends but that I am not often included when they plan things together. I have always found it easy to make friends initially, but it is hard to become close and to really feel part of the group. maybe they sense that I am too reserved, too shy, and unable to reveal everything about myself and just go out and do embarrasing, fun things. But I am making myself work on this! Some ideas for getting more involved in the group: try to plan and invite them to one of your own events... next time you are bowling or doing yogo suggest that you go out for coffee afterwards or to a new movie that is coming out or just anything around town. Making the effort to invite them yourself might show them that you are a more committed member of the group and interested in hanging out outside of your normal, scheduled activities. If you don't want to invite them somewhere yourself, you could always ask them what their plans for the next few days are... and they might volunteer the information of a group get-together and let you in on the gathering because you asked about it. I think its a matter of getting on their radar as someone who wants to join in... they might not leave you out on purpose, but just didnt think of you when calling each other to make plans.

Sometimes I need to listen to my own advice because I get very sad when i feel left out too! Hope things work out for you!

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i had that happen to me in high school, where at first i had these really good friends, just us core people, then other people started getting added-on while i was getting kind of pushed out, then suddenly i was an outcast and looking in at the group. i wasn't even invited to my "best friend's" (best friend at that time) graduation party!

i felt really terrible about all of this, like i imagine you feel terrible about not getting invited to do stuff with your friends.

my guess is that they aren't malicious, they just don't know that you're interested in going. you could always ask if you can come along, or ask them to something you invent. i think, after years of reflecting on my crappy high school experience, that it was me not taking the initiative that let me get forced out of the group. had i been more outgoing (and there it is, outgoing, and we are not outgoing), then i could have stayed as a main member of the group. instead i had to find new friends, who were just as outcasted as i was (not that making new friends is bad, it was just bad under those circumstances).

i think you should try to invite yourself, tactfully, to go with them. ask if their bowling team or whatever is open still, and if you can join. ask if their yoga class is open or if it is closed for so many sessions, and if you could join. maybe the league is closed, and maybe they're at a different yoga level or the class is closed. there are a lot of things that could be happening that maybe you don't know of, or maybe they're stuck in their own asses and never thought to ask you. in any event, go and fix that!

loon

former outcast, now hermit

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I found the best thing to do was to plan something and invite them, or do something for them, just to show that I cared about them, and they were much more warm and inviting toward me. Sometimes you have to bust out of the introvert trap and be friendly!

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Is either bowling or yoga something you'd like to do on a weekly basis? If yes, then ask if you can join in. They won't know you're interested unless you tell them. Even though I'm not all that introverted anymore, I still need a lot more time alone than most. My friends recognize this and more or less invite me to invite myself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have always been an introverted person.

Somehow, I have more friends now than I've had in a long time. However, sometimes I just feel left out.

I've felt this way most of my life. I can remember being at my own first grade birthday party in my own house with about 10 little girls around me and feeling left out.

Over the years I have learned that I unconsciously send out a vibe that discourages people from inviting me to do things with them. Sometimes I consciously send out that vibe, because I just don't feel like dealing with people. I find that I have to be the one doing the inviting, and when I do I frequently get a positive response. Try extending an invitation and see if they reciprocate.

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