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husband's best friend


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So...my husband and I have been married for 3+ yrs, together for over five. Last year, he met this woman working at a bookstore, and through working together found out they have alot in common. They both are artistic, like to drink, don't give a shit about money or being responsible with finances, etc. Anyways, my marriage has been SHITTY lately. We separated for three months over the summer and he stayed with her. We are living together again, but as always, they speak every day and I swear I should start charging rent for the amount of timme she is at my house. Now, I've had NUMEROUS conversations with him about this, my feelings on this, etc and he insists that if he wanted to be with her he wouldn't have moved back in with me, he would have just ended things with me. He swears he doesn't think of her like that, and he just happens to be very close to her.

We are both in our late 20s.

Now, my question is...am I being old-fashioned? Or is it weird to anyone else that his best friend is a girl? And that they spend so much time together? ;)

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The writing is on the wall. Time to move on with your life.

No, married men do not keep close personal relationships with other women. In any case, if you have had several discussions about how uncomfortable this makes you, and he hasn't been willing to let quit contacting her in order to save his marriage....well there you have it. The personal pleasure of her 'friendship' is more important than the well being of his wife.

Don't beat yourself up, you are not at fault or being unreasonable. At best, you have a selfish husband who doesn't respect your feelings, worst case, she is his plaything.

Good luck.

a.m.

[edit] I missed this first time "He stayed with her"!!!? He's cheating on you and laughing every day. Dump his sorry ass.

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No, married men do not keep close personal relationships with other women.

I agree with most of what AirMarshall has to say, but this statement is simply not true. In college and grad school, my best friend was a woman, and I was married. Other than being my friend, the only thing she was, was a study partner.

Tommy

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Now, I've had NUMEROUS conversations with him about this, my feelings on this, etc and he insists that if he wanted to be with her he wouldn't have moved back in with me, he would have just ended things with me. He swears he doesn't think of her like that, and he just happens to be very close to her.

Sounds like what happened to a friend of mine.

This guy sounds like both a liar AND a cheat. He's waiting on the right time, until he's sure. It's only a matter of time.

I sympathise with you.

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my best friend (a male) lived with me for about 6 months last year (until our fighting got too bad!). we still love and respect each other, just living together didn't work.

it isn't that our relationship was TOTALLY innocent, we had a few moments of non-penetrative sexual activities, and had no shame walking around naked in front of each other, but other than that, it was strictly platonic. we just had a few scattered episodes of "i'm horny, how about you?". those were "friends iwth benefits" moments, not indicating that we had a romantic relationship (though i would consider it with him).

the question is- do you really, honestly think that he could be spending so much time with her that she should be charging him rent and not have at least some level of "friends with benefits" thing going on? at least on some level? my now ex bf #1 was FURIOUS that i had a male roommate and almost dumped me for it (oh well, good bye good for nothing scum). my ex bf was right that it wasn't totally innocent, but wrong in that it was some kind of romantic relationship.

well, who knows about your hubby? maybe it is a friends with benefits relationship, or a full-blown affair. but something IS going on. he's just considering finances and other things that could get in the way of him leaving. he also loves you still and it is hard to say good bye. it isn't like dumping your high school girlfriend or something- this is your wife, who you made vows to.

so, in closing this rambling session, i say don't believe him. he's full of it, on some level, if not on all levels. just tell him you don't believe him, and kick him out, and tell him that if he's so close with The Other Woman that he should go live with her.

move on. you have better things to do, and you're worth more than a scumbag like him.

loon

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He has the best of both worlds....

A responsible wife to take care of him and a drunken girlfriend to party with!

A man who is commited to his marriage would not be in a friendship that brings doubt and distrust to his wife. He would not be spending time, effort and resources that should go towards the marriage on another girl.

You are being used....or he is a complete moron. Either way...aren't you better off without him?

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i don't find it odd that a married man would have a female for a best friend... i find it odd that he is ignoring your wishes on the matter and not taking your concerns seriously.

i agree with what everyone here says on the matter. the issue isn't his friends, the issue is his lack of respect for you.

abifae

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