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Just out of the hospital and depressed again.


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If you remember back in October I was very depressed and I needed to be hospitalized, I made a plan on how I was going to take my life. But people were telling me to get help so I told my mom to take me to the hospital. The hospital stay was horrible in a few ways. I had to be locked up with the immature teenagers who thought my problems were funny and I was getting laughed at and made fun out of there. My fiance was no allowed to visit me. So I was really angry. The first night nobody gave me a damn pillow. The hospital didn't help. I had bad panic attacks in there. I got done with partial hospitalization and everything by October 26th.

Now, I'm getting depressed again. I'm also having anger rages and being a bitch then going back to being nice. I'm drinking, sleeping all day, having no energy, I find it hard just to get up and shower every day and racing thoughts.

I feel like my fiance wants to leave me (no he hasn't really given me a reason to think so).. I mean this slut that he's talked to online for 2 1/2 years now wants to give him a lap dance..

I just feel like nobody in life cares, I don't even care about myself. I don't even know what to do anymore. ;)

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If you remember back in October I was very depressed and I needed to be hospitalized, I made a plan on how I was going to take my life. But people were telling me to get help so I told my mom to take me to the hospital. The hospital stay was horrible in a few ways. I had to be locked up with the immature teenagers who thought my problems were funny and I was getting laughed at and made fun out of there. My fiance was no allowed to visit me. So I was really angry. The first night nobody gave me a damn pillow. The hospital didn't help. I had bad panic attacks in there. I got done with partial hospitalization and everything by October 26th.

Now, I'm getting depressed again. I'm also having anger rages and being a bitch then going back to being nice. I'm drinking, sleeping all day, having no energy, I find it hard just to get up and shower every day and racing thoughts.

I feel like my fiance wants to leave me (no he hasn't really given me a reason to think so).. I mean this slut that he's talked to online for 2 1/2 years now wants to give him a lap dance..

I just feel like nobody in life cares, I don't even care about myself. I don't even know what to do anymore. ;)

I hate to say it, but hospitals are only there for "stabalization." Really they are only there for you to keep from killing yourself. Outside of that, they are not a miracle fix (as I have learned). I have been hospitalized three times in four months and I was often worse after I got out. You can't expect to get well in a week or so, especially when you're dealing with medications that take 4-6 weeks to even take effect. I don't know how long you were there, but I doubt it was long enough to become completely stable.

When I was in, the docs kept insisting on Geodon. I wondered why I never felt better after I got out and it was because Geodon makes me feel like utter shit. I had to finally convince my regular pdoc that Geodon wasn't for me (which wasn't easy). Now I feel 100 times better.

How long have you been on your anti-depressant? If you're still depressed, maybe you need a change. I know what it's like to have racing thoughts along with depression, as well as panic attacks. It is worse than hell. I kow what it is like to sleep all day and have no energy (I currently experience that too). I feel like just now, after four months of total hell, that my brain chemistry is finally getting sorted out. Maybe you need to see if you can't see your pdoc once a week or maybe every other week until you get it all straightened out. It takes time. I know that is no consolation now, but persistence is the key. There is a right med combo out there for you somewhere.

Hope you feel better.

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I hate to say it, but hospitals are only there for "stabalization." Really they are only there for you to keep from killing yourself. Outside of that, they are not a miracle fix (as I have learned). I have been hospitalized three times in four months and I was often worse after I got out. You can't expect to get well in a week or so, especially when you're dealing with medications that take 4-6 weeks to even take effect. I don't know how long you were there, but I doubt it was long enough to become completely stable.

I know I wasn't stable enough to get out. I was hospitalized 8 days and did partial hospitalization for 6 days. On October 12th they changed my Abilify from 5mg to 10mg and added another 50 mg to my Luvox.

I've been on Luvox for 2 months.

Before I was on Abilify I didn't show any emotion or anything. So because I am talking more and having eye contact and my speech isn't "flat" my pdoc thinks I'm great. She won't change the Topamax because she thinks this is a good medicine combo.

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Do you have any psychotic symptoms?

I have always found that the AAP's work well for me in the short term to get me over my disorganized thinking and mild psychotic symptoms, but in the long term they drag me down. After I get over my mild psychoses, I tend to do better without them. All I know is that while I was on Geodon, my head felt like it had a hurricane going through it at all times. Now I feel much more calm. My pdoc wanted me to stay on it as a "mood stabalizer" but even if my mood is stabalized I HATE the feeling the AAP's give me. The side-effects are not worth the benefits for me. But everyone is different.

I am on Seroquel now, but only at a very small dose. I find that it works VERY well as a sleeping pill and as an anti-anxiety agent. I just hope my pdoc doesn't want to raise the dose because I fear that it will give the same feeling that Geodon gave me.

Take Care.

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Do you have any psychotic symptoms?

I have always found that the AAP's work well for me in the short term to get me over my disorganized thinking and mild psychotic symptoms, but in the long term they drag me down. After I get over my mild psychoses, I tend to do better without them. All I know is that while I was on Geodon, my head felt like it had a hurricane going through it at all times. Now I feel much more calm. My pdoc wanted me to stay on it as a "mood stabalizer" but even if my mood is stabalized I HATE the feeling the AAP's give me. The side-effects are not worth the benefits for me. But everyone is different.

I am on Seroquel now, but only at a very small dose. I find that it works VERY well as a sleeping pill and as an anti-anxiety agent. I just hope my pdoc doesn't want to raise the dose because I fear that it will give the same feeling that Geodon gave me.

Take Care.

In august I had pretty bad psychosis and they wanted to hospitalize me. But I ended up going on Abilify 5mg and everything was great for a while. And now its back to psycohsis, its not that bad but I can't drive because of it. Come to think of it on the 1st the psychotic symptoms came back. I was driving with my fiance and it was a hell of a ride for him..

I have a question does the bipolar cause the psychosis? Because when I was hospitalized they said that PTDS can also cause it.

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I have a question does the bipolar cause the psychosis? Because when I was hospitalized they said that PTDS can also cause it.

I think both PTSD and bipolar can have psychotic features. I wouldn't say that the bipolar causes the psychosis though.

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