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So... I'm not clinically diagnosed as anything, yet. I'm actually kinda scared to find out what all might be wrong with me, so I'm just wading through life as I can. Eventually I'm sure that I will seek more professional help, but for right now I'm finding some outlets and seeing if those offer me any kind of relief from the madness that's in my head.

Back this past spring I had a health scare and found myself in an oncologist's office. A CT Scan, PET Scan and bone marrow biopsy later and thank heavens no cancer cells were found, but my oncologist did put me on Wellbutrin at first as a means of elevating my energy level (which was at an all time low) but then she told me that she had also done it because she was worried that I was depressed as well. (Could have been my random crying sessions while at their office? Hmmm....)

When I finally had my physical ailment diagnosed and started to recover, I weaned myself off the Wellbutrin, but now wonder if I should have stayed on it because my obsessions and desires seem more rampant than ever and I find myself giving in to things that put me closer and closer to the edge of insanity. In particular I have a very bad addiction to sex. I can have the most emotionally satisfying relationship with a decent sex life and still find myself drawn to other guys for sexual release... it's not about having an emotional connection with these other guys... in fact I don't want an emotional connection, just sex.

So... that's my vague introduction. I'm sure I'll find topics to flesh things out more as I read more and more of this board.

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Hi welcome!

Feel free to post. If you need help, pm any of the mods.

You should find plenty of ideas and suggestions, though of course self diagnosis is bound with perils. Since you suspect something may be wrong, don't be shy about seeing a psychiatrist. A pdoc can give you a good idea of whether you need treatment for something, and what is perhaps lesser issues.

Given the you mention depression, and risky sexual behaviour, you might want to take a look at bipolar disorder. http://www.psycheducation.org is a good site. It is written for BPII, which is milder than BPI, but has good general info.

Cheers, a.m.

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I'm sure I'll find myself seeking professional advice and help at some point, but right now I just don't think I'm ready for it. I don't know what it's going to take to get me to the point where I'm ready, but I'm sure it will come. If I'm not ready to hear what a professional has to say and accept it, then it really won't do me any good.

Holy crap... sometimes I don't realize just how messed up my thinking can be until I start to lay things out like that. Wow.

And I've done therapy before - a Christian counselor when I was a teenager because my parents were concerned about some behavior issues, but they pulled me out of that after 4 visits because they thought I had gotten all of it out of that I could have. (I hated going to see that counselor and hated even more the "homework" she gave me to do, which included Bible reading and writing down what I thought God would think about my thoughts and actions.) And then I saw a therapist almost 4 years ago when I was having marriage problems, before I left my ex-husband. Had about 6 sessions then, but it was mainly to discuss the marriage and then the impending divorce.

I guess I'd like to think that I'll just straighten out on my own. Wishful thinking, I guess.

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hi and welcome...

You're certainly not alone in wishing that you could straighten yourself out on your own - I think most of us have been there, done that. At some point we do realise that we have to wade into the perilous world of psychiatrists and meds. BUT of course everyone's different. It's okay if you're not at that place yet. Reading and chatting to people here may well help to resolve things for you.

see you on the boards!

M

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