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So here I am again, going down the path to bed all day, so much stress at work, isolation, and severe anxiety about all of the things I'm not doing.

Right this moment I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not actively thinking I want to off myself, I'm just not motivated to do anything, anticipating huge stress, and just am immensely tired all the time.

Been pushing through work, but I was only semi-conscious all of last week. I haven't been grocery shopping in forever, so I guess my diet is not the greatest. I have a job, I have Thanksgiving to look forward to (taking off and visiting home and lots of relatives), but still I just feel useless and like a loser.

Don't know what good posting here is doing. I should be doing laundry or taking a walk or god going to the grocery store or picking my insurance (open enrollment ends next week).

I've lost almost all my friends, and the ones I haven't are very far away. I don't know why I'm letting myself get down about this - I haven't really had friends for a while now and I managed to suffer through without getting this depressed.

Sorry, I'm rambling....and I'm about to go to the convenience store looking like complete crap to get a coke. Just across the road it's the farthest I've gotten this weekend. If only there were a grocery store that close. I am dreading the energy it will take to shop.

--bayta

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You really don't feel all that great, so try to ease up on the expectations that you have of yourself. You don't have a whole lot of motivation right now and it's because you are probably a little [maybe more than a little?] depressed. I don't know what your personal moodrating scale is, so I am really not sure where you are at.

Sometimes it can be for a few days. Sometimes more.

But it is ok to realize this and adjust your plans, what you need to do, what you should do, what you want to do. Also to change how you do all of those things.

If you really can't handle grocery shopping right now, but you can handle going across the street [i'm guessing it is a convenience store or minimart] you could probably get some juice and milk there, and often you can get some fruit and a couple of salads there. Some soup.

It's still not the greatest, but it is easier than the grocery store and a little bit of 'grocery shopping'. And you can bring a back pack maybe if it is too hard to cary that stuff in a regular way.

If you can't take a walk, than you can't. If you feel as though you are spending to much time in your bed, maybe you could just get out and try some simple stretches, or just spend a little more time in another room or even sit outside.

Doing laundry is a really big chore. I find it very difficult to do. I don't have many suggestions for that. If you have a roomate, maybe they will be kind enough to let you throw in a couple items with their wash if they are doing laundry.

God, I feel like I'm giving you Hints from Heloise or something and not really being all that helpful.

Generally, it is reallyreally hard to not get down on ourselves when we start 'heading down'. I have been having a hard time keeping friends that I have had for a really long time, too. It's just hard. But I think it is hard anyway to find and keep really good friends for a long time. Life just throws you a lot of stuff and it's hard to find people who can handle it with you.

I just want to say that I feel the way you do sometimes and really all I can do is throw myself out of bed [literally, otherwise I won't get up] and force myself to stay out of it for a certain amount of time. It's hard. Sometimes I can't do it, but the world keeps on going with or without me.

Instead of making a list in your head of the things you should be doing, maybe it would help to pick one or two important things that you think you could or will do.

I do find that eating crappily only hurts me, so I try to fix that when I can. And don't miss the insurance stuff- maybe there is someone who can go through it with you if it seems a lttle overwhelming right now? Things you aren't doing will get done eventually. You have to take it slow and one step at a time.

I hope things will come around again. The holidays and seeing people might help.

LR

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Hi Bayta! I read through your post a couple of times, and I really wanted to respond and say something helpful and insightful, but I have had a really hard time coming up with "the right thing" to say. But I know if I posted about how lonely and depressed I feel (which would not be a stretch in the least bit because I've felt pretty much like that all week), I would want to know that people were seeing it and noticing me so that I am not all alone in my sorrowful state. So, all I can say is that we have all been there and indeed it really sucks.

But I agree with LR that you can't start expecting too much from yourself during these times because it will only make you feel worse that you can't seem to get everything done that a "normal" person should be doing. Take it one step at a time. I think going out to the convience store is a huge step... you got out of the house!! Give yourself permission to be take things slow and see each step forward as an accomplishment. I hope tomorrow is a better day, and if not, then maybe next week!

Feel better!

Micki

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Thanks for responding guys. It's one of those things where I've been trying to give myself a break for weeks and still haven't been able to get much done - laundry, uh.... wearing clothes without washing many more times will be disgusting.

And the insurance stuff is gonna freak me out really soon. I've been forcing myself out of bed during the week but I really wish I could be productive for a few hours during the weekend...maybe even feel good. I just can't seem to get the sleep thing right....i should take something now maybe force myself to sleep.

Here's hoping tomorrow is better, but work makes me a ball of stress i get home and have no energy.

Again, thanks for the responses it really does help to know you're not alone, hoope we all feel better.

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Depression compounded by anxiety. That's what I've dealt with all my life. I know the sensation. Paralysis. Darkness at noon. The corner store is 100 miles away. This is no "cyberhug," Bayta. I just know what you're going through.

What helps me out of the paralytic stranglehold is something Micki mentioned. One thing at a time. Maybe you have a dozen things to do today and the prospect is overwhelming. Pick one. Just one. Never mind the others. Focus on the one. Say, if there's a heap of dirty dishes, require of yourself nothing more than washing those dishes. That's all you work on until the task is done.

I don't know if it would work for you as it does for me, but after finishing one task, the paralysis eases up significantly. Repeat the process. Pick the next task. Each one becomes easier than the last.

If you have an anxiety-provoking task, such as figuring out the bills or preparing for a job interview, break it down even further. Isolate sections of the task. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I know that's kinda cornball, but it's true.

The worst thing you can do with anxiety-provoking tasks is procrastinate on them. I still do this myself even though I know better. Procrastination is illusory relief.

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