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Aura of negativity

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I am freaking out! I have waited 8 years for my ex-boyfriend, to come back to Costa Rica. And now he is here!!!! This is probably the happiest news of my life!!! And look at the state of me....depressed, what a mo ;) morbid face, I can barely look at myself. And people around me just dont know how to react. Crying all day, worrying that its the end of the world and Jesus is coming! He has to if my father is fucking my brothers ex wife and is now married to her. I try so hard to be nice to her but it pissed me off especiall that she is younger than me. She is 23! But I have to bite my tounge, to live in a happy ambiance and get support for this fucking illness.

I want my man to marry me and take me back to Israel. I know that sounds even crazier!!!With war and all... And what rrrreally pissed me off, is why does he come when I am fucking depressed, I always break out on my skin, I feel disgusting. When a few months ago I was turning heads left right and center! I wish I could chill about things, I feel I am carrying a load on my back, the strain between my brows wont go away as much as I say to myself, smile smile smile! I am drained with my thoughts of negativity that its exhausting me. Music is the only thing that cheers me up really.

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