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desperate for it to stop


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This is liable to be a long post. Sorry. I've read over some of the other posts just trying to get a handle on this thing. I've thought about replying to some but I just don't know what to say.

Just recently diagnosed as BPI and am still trying to get a handle on this thing. To tell you the truth I doubt the diagnosis. Something is wrong. One day I'm feeling good, the next I could blow my brains out, the next I'm aggitated and ill as hades, and sometimes I'm all of the above. It's been a month with almost no normal moods. Either up or down. I can't take the stupid medicine they gave me cause I know it'll kill me. I'm ashamed to go out in public I don't know how to make plans and i'm trying to keep this stupid thing under my hat. I can't go anywhere because it's obvious something is wrong no matter if I'm up or down. The doctor wants to hospitalize but that scares the @#$( out of me. I never bought a ticket for this carnival ride and I want the &^*$( off. I'm desperate cause I feel like I'm going to explode and I don't know what to do. Is there anybody out there that has had a similar experience?

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Deeep breaths. It's ok. I know how you feel. Most people here know how you feel. You are completely not alone.

That said, if you don't feel you can safely take your prescribed meds to get this thing under control, or you feel like you are just plain out of control or a threat to yourself/others, you need to be in hospital. I'm sorry to be blunt, but there it is. Trust me, it is MUCH BETTER to go in of your own volition than be brought to it involuntarily.

And it is nothing to be afraid of. I was scared too when I went, and thought of every awful stereotype, but I am so glad I did because I'd be dead if I hadn't. It is just a place where they can help you get everything under control and keep you safe while they do and work out these issues you have with the meds. When you're feeling like this, you aren't safe. The best thing you can do is get yourself to an ER and have them call your pdoc or clinic or wherever you receive treatment. Have somebody else drive, though, or take a cab if you can.

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