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ok i need to write about this cause i cant stop thinking about it. i need to get it out of my head. i am not saying i will do it, just that at this point i cant stop thinking of it.

;)

i had a dentist appointment today and had a big needle to numb my mouth.

it got me thinking.

i have trouble cutting badly anymore because i am at the point where i actually feel pain when i do it.

but i still have a strong desire to cut.

Then i started thinking could i use numbing cream, the stuff u buy from the chemist, that they give u when u r getting ears pierced etc. to numb the area before u cut.

has anyone done this? would it work.

:)

Once again i am NOT saying this because i want to do it. Its that old "curiosity killed the cat thing". where if i dont talk about it i may do it.

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Nope..will not work..I could tell you how I know but it is unpleasant. NOT because of cutting though..

you seem like you want someone to tell you not to do it..Ok..don't. please..

Are you talking to anyone about these urges?? I hope so..It sounds like you need an outlet...I kinda like pain too..I bought a spinning bike..It works for me.

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Are you talking to anyone about these urges?? I hope so..It sounds like you need an outlet...I kinda like pain too..I bought a spinning bike..It works for me.

dunking my head in a sinkfull of cold water with 2 trays of ice cubes works when other skills don't help me. just thought i'd share my fail-safe, so to speak.

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Iona,

I can't in good concious recommend it. Further I don't think it would work since it is very superficial. We don't have such cream available OTC in the US.

I have used a rubber band around the wrist, snapping it to break the thought train. Next level is to get up go to another room, or go for a walk. Hard to do anything harmful out in the road. Penny's technique with the cold water is another way to kind of shock the system and break the mood.

Having SI urges is not just a normal part of being ill. They are a strong indication that you are NOT doing well and need immediate attention from the pdoc. If you can't get hold of the pdoc, go to A&E and tell them you are having urges to hurt yourself. They can give you meds to calm things down.

a.m.

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the problem is everyone is sick of hearing my problems (everyone being my parents, my partner, my docs)

i have been to see 4 different gp's as well as my pdoc in the last week cause i am so "off the rails"

they have started me on resperdal as well as my mood stabiliser but nothing is working.

i just REALLY want to hurt myself, cause no one is listening and helping. this isnt getting any better.

im so so tired

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the problem is everyone is sick of hearing my problems (everyone being my parents, my partner, my docs)

i have been to see 4 different gp's as well as my pdoc in the last week cause i am so "off the rails"

they have started me on resperdal as well as my mood stabiliser but nothing is working.

i just REALLY want to hurt myself, cause no one is listening and helping. this isnt getting any better.

im so so tired

from someone who has been there and done that... hurting yourself will only hurt you. you need to pamper and love yourself, even when it feels like the rest of the world doesn't care. and try to remember that they probably do care, they just don't know what to do. are you seeing a therapist? do they have DBT or transference focused psychotherapy where you are?

i know it's exhausting. it's unfair and it's bullshit. and i understand why you want to cut. i really do. i'm just trying to urge you to find another way to release your pain. read up on mindfulness, try alternative measures that release endorphins, try to find something inside yourself that you love. and love that something. give yourself the attention that you aren't getting from others. i know i sound like a cheesy new age corn ball, but the only way out of this pain is through yourself. you've made it this far, gone through all of this pain. you are strong. love that strength in yourself. recognize that in that struggle you are loving yourself, that you have been taking care of yourself and loving yourself because you're here and you're still standing. i'm sorry if your doctors are being shits. i hope the risperdal helps. it will get better. just keep holding on. and be proud of yourself for how long you have held on, how long you have taken care of yourself. it isn't fair to that you have to feel so much pain and emptiness. not fair at all. but try, and i know it's hard, almost impossible sometimes, to look inside yourself and see all your strengths, all the things that you have accomplished, all the work that you have done to get better, all of the caring you have given yourself. try to focus on that.

be good,

penny

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As a recovering self injurer, I must admit taht I have bought creams that are suposed to 'numb' or 'freeze' not going to say their names as it would be method trading and that is very wrong in my book.

I would use them but end up in a lot of serious trouble with the injuries I ended up with, although the creams didn't realy serve their purpose, I only used them to make my injuries more severe, not something I would recomend.

Ultimatly even concidering using them is a danger, please please talk to you t.doc or p.doc as it concerns me a lot that this is in your mind.

You are worth so mcuh more than si.

There are healthier ways to cope, it is about living with the distress instead of the distress controlling you, yes it is easy to self injure, but it takes a braver stronger person to acknowledge their distressing emotions and to tolerate them until they subside.

You can get through this.

x

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so far (2 weeks) of being on resperdial and havent felt any relief i havent cut since i have been on it but i am looking at my freshest scars and thinking.

i dont want to continue to do this. but i am in a rut. i have dug a big hole and i cant seem to get out of it.

i want to exercise and be healthy but i cant break this cycle.

how can i help myself. what do i need to do to push myself out of this black hole.

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  • 1 year later...

I'm new to this site so going over old topics reading them. I use a numming cream when I SH as I can't bear the pain yet do it anyway (how fucked up is that!). I know what it's called but not sure whether to put it on here or not coz I don't want to incourage it. Do I mention the name or not? Anyway the chemist where I buy it from recognises me (I'm prob the only person who buys it) and I can only find it in 1 chemist in town so I can't go elsewhere. Anyway can anyone think of a plausable reason why I would be buying it? I'm guessing that if I said I wanted it for diabetic injections I would either A need it more often or B be able to get it on the NHS. Any other ideas?

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That's precisely why I didn't use any names. Rabbit37 was definately right about me needing to read the posts more closely - I'm crap at reading things carefully when I'm feeling like this. Still haven't thought of a reason why I need to get the stuff from the chemist. I feel that I need to justify a reason in my head even if no-one asks...man I'm weird!

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Are you talking to anyone about these urges?? I hope so..It sounds like you need an outlet...I kinda like pain too..I bought a spinning bike..It works for me.

dunking my head in a sinkfull of cold water with 2 trays of ice cubes works when other skills don't help me. just thought i'd share my fail-safe, so to speak.

I'm... impressed? Dunking anything in ice water is much more unpleasant than it sounds. It was used at my undergrad in psych experiment as a punishment... Dunking your hand, not your head was, that is.

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Are you talking to anyone about these urges?? I hope so..It sounds like you need an outlet...I kinda like pain too..I bought a spinning bike..It works for me.

dunking my head in a sinkfull of cold water with 2 trays of ice cubes works when other skills don't help me. just thought i'd share my fail-safe, so to speak.

I'm... impressed? Dunking anything in ice water is much more unpleasant than it sounds. It was used at my undergrad in psych experiment as a punishment... Dunking your hand, not your head was, that is.

i know it's unpleasant... but that's kinda the point. a lot of people snap a rubber band on their wrist, but that never did it for me.

besides, in the end, ice water is more pleasant than cutting. more pleasant than stitches. more pleasant than scars for life.

and it gives me the same ...relief/rush/whathaveyou that cutting does.

i'm not creative enough to have come up this on my own. my old tdoc learned about it from marsha linehan at a borderline conference and he suggested it to me. when there's no ice available i take a cold shower. sometimes i have to stay in there until my lips are near blue for the urge to ease. but it's well worth it.

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faith.clarke

You sound like you want us to help you justify using/buying the cream and to ease your conscience re: buying/using it. Also, to provide you with a technique should you come across a situation where you may have a problem getting it or are questioned.

HI. WE DON'T ENCOURAGE SELF HARM HERE.

Just making that clear.

Hope I am totally wrong in the interpretation of your posts.

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I'm new to this site so going over old topics reading them. I use a numming cream when I SH as I can't bear the pain yet do it anyway (how fucked up is that!). I know what it's called but not sure whether to put it on here or not coz I don't want to incourage it. Do I mention the name or not?

ok, what others already said: please do not mention the name. mind you, if someone really really wanted to find out what it was, it would really not be to hard to research it. But, yes, mentioning it would be encouraging the behavior, which is actually against the rules of the self-injury board 9it is one of the pinned threads on the top). we are all here to help and work toward recovery, not feed each other's habit.

Anyway the chemist where I buy it from recognises me (I'm prob the only person who buys it) and I can only find it in 1 chemist in town so I can't go elsewhere. Anyway can anyone think of a plausable reason why I would be buying it? I'm guessing that if I said I wanted it for diabetic injections I would either A need it more often or B be able to get it on the NHS. Any other ideas?

well, yes, i would think that some people might need something to ease injections, whether it be for diabetes or numerous other conditions that necessitate people to administer injectable meds. Lots of these people do without it, but some cannot, which would lead me to believe that you are probably not the only person who buys that product.

All of that aside, though, did you really think that we were going to help you brainstorm ideas for you to justify to a chemist why you are buying a numbing cream? That is very much in the category of "encouragement" as well.... it is a two-way street. So, i'm sorry, but if that is the way you wish to go... well... you are on your own with that dilemma. BUT, if you really see buying this stuff embarrassing or troublesome or whatever, why don't you try to stop? Earlier in your post you said that you do not cut, you cannot cut without the cream because you absolutely cannot take the pain of cutting. Try to take the cream away... don't buy it. AND go to therapy. Do this in order to work to stop cutting. What do you have to lose?

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Hi all. I'm not looking for someone to encourage me (I'm doing a fairly good job of that myself). I certainly wouldn't want to encourage anyone else to do it either. I guess I was just trying to express how I was feeling because I have no-one to talk to so I think I was just trying to get stuff off my chest on here. Don't want to offend anyone. Anyway just come back from my GPs and I actually told him how I was feeling (except it made me cry) so now I'm back on my meds (was med and SH free for 9 months). Now feeling like a total failure because I though I was managing without them.

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You have to realize that this is a VERY sensitive forum, and any type of encouragement, whether real or perceived, is stomped upon. That said, *don't* feel like a failure because you didn't manage well without meds. Most of us don't, and there might come a time when you're able to go med-free again. Have you considered a therapist? Because that goes hand-in-hand with a lot of SI. Drugs alone can't/don't always work at an optimum. If you have no one to talk to, I'd highly suggest it.

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Hi Rabbit. I've done the whole shrink thing way to many times...they either think I'm an attention seeker, I don't trust them or get on with them, they bang on about mending a crack in the wall (like I care how to do it because it's the councils job) or they gave me a diagnosis and suggested tablets yet never told me or anyone else so I only found out what was wrong and what may help about 7 years later when I was reading my medical notes. I had a really nice female counsellor in Sheffield but she left and I moved out of the area and I don't think there is any female shrinks/cousellors in my area and I've been through all the shrinks etc.

F

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It's really hard finding a psychiatrist you like, I'm sorry you are in that predicament right now. I'm trying to find a new one myself.

I know it's hard to not feel defeated or like a failure if you have to go back on meds when you thought you could do without them. It seems though, in the veery least for the time being, that you do need to be on meds. It isn't a punishment and it isn't a moral declaration. It doesn't make you a bad person or mean you don't work at functioning well or anything like that. There are simply things beyond your control right now and you need the assistance of medication to patch up the parts that you can't.

And that's ok.

You aren't a failure. Try telling yourself that. Maybe it will make you feel a bit better.

I hope you can get hooked up with a doctor that helps.

Have you really been through all of them or does it just seem like that?

Have you gone through the phone directory?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Don't use numbing cream! If you feel pain, that's good. It's telling you something.

Medication can take forever to kick in.. get a support system together.

Holding ice on the spot you want to cut can hurt pretty bad after a few minutes and leave you with a red spot for a little while.. it helps...

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  • 1 month later...

Are you talking to anyone about these urges?? I hope so..It sounds like you need an outlet...I kinda like pain too..I bought a spinning bike..It works for me.

dunking my head in a sinkfull of cold water with 2 trays of ice cubes works when other skills don't help me. just thought i'd share my fail-safe, so to speak.

Yes, I will definitely try this dunking head in ice water trick. Thanks!

Sorry that I but into the middle of this thread, I have never posted on this forum before, but I have been reading and I think that is a brilliant idea- I would of never thought of it but I think it might be worth a try . The rubber band thing was suggested to me once by my therapist and honestly, it made my urges worse. My wrists and arms ended up covered in tiny red spots from broken capillaries, black & blue and swollen bubbles- just from those damn rubber bands. It's probably best to avoid the details here as far as how I managed to do so much damage with rubber bands, so lets just say I got a bit out of hand with those suckers. The rubber band thing definitely isn't for everyone. I actually cursed the method thinking my therapist an idiot for suggesting it but I see that it is helpful for some people here so maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her (my therapist.)

I also tried the squeezing an ice cube thing...that really seemed pointless but I will try what is suggested above next time I get in that way. I'm a bit more hopeful about this technique.

Thanks again.

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