Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Hi, I'm invictus, and I think someone is going to murder me in my sleep.


Recommended Posts

My husband works nights. And I can't sleep because I am obsessed with the idea that someone is going to break in and kill us. Checking things is so freaking frustrating to me. It lasts for hours and hours and hours. If I wake up to pee, it happens again.

I was dxed as OCD when I was a teenager, but my pdoc thinks it is part of mania for me. I don't feel manic. Just panicked. And anxious. And paranoid. And I see things out of the corner of my eye too.

I dread night time. I just want to stay awake all night.

Why am I so freaking paranoid? Why?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

You are not alone in this fear. Its one of the main reasons I cannot live by myself. I know part of my problem comes from childhood and there was a serial killer in our neighborhood who struck at 2-3 am - when everyone was sleeping. I have not got past it and now im 31.

even living with others - i check the locks several times. and when i come home or to a place im staying - i check out every room & every closet. Ive been doing this my whole life, i dont think i am capable of change.

when im in a place by myself - even a hotel room. i cannot sleep.

I dont have any words of comfort other than to let you know you are not "crazy." or, we are both equally crazy when it comes to being alone at night.

love,

december

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to do that too because my parents were violent and attempt to harm each other or us during the night. I also had a stalker as an adult. Even now I put bells on each door and a heavy piece of furniture in front of each entrance. I put dowels in the window slots. It's all so I have time to reach for a weapon. Your thoughts are just a type of safety measure for you, but on overdrive. Maybe the doc can help you use tools to help you know that once you've locked the door it IS locked. The fear that someone will break in is a hard one to break. Maybe go to Wal-mart and get those alarms that scream if anyone opens the door or window. Maybe having more alarms may help. I don't know but I sympathasize.

lilie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Obsessive thoughts about dying or having bad things happen to you or people close to you can be part of BP. My first psychiatrist didn't explain this to me very well, and it was one of the big things that made me feel like I was really losing my mind. I would spend hours checking and rechecking locks and windows and then lying awake waiting for someone to break in and kill me and my family. I would spend hours more following my kids to school or calling to check on them at school because I was sure something would happen to them.

For me, the right BP medications help.... A LOT. I still have occasional thoughts like that, but once through to make sure the doors and windows are locked and I am satisfied.

In the book "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder", it talks about this aspect of bipolar and how obsessive and pervasive it can be. That helped me and my husband both realize that it is a normal symptom of bipolar and not another, overlapping MI.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to have a lot of paranoid thoughts about someone breaking in and I still do worry. What helped me was risperdal, an AP, and taking a self defence course. Now I know that if someone did get in, I'd stand a better chance of being safe and defending myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My husband is an airline pilot and gone about 2 weeks a month. I used to obsess about being murdered or raped at night while I slept. i had an alarm system installed and it still didn't help.

Then I was attacked by a man at a restaurant/ bar. He pulled me into the mens room ansd started to rip off my clothes and someone walked in before I was actually raped.

After that i was in the bed depressed and scared for 2 weeks before it hit me! Get a dog. A big fucking scary ass dog. I got a german shepard that weighs about 150. If anyone comes around the house he goes nuts. i know i am safe with him around and he loves me. I was thinking about getting a doberman pup to be his brother. No one would dare to open my door. Add that to some klonopin and i am never scared any more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Psychotic affects such as delusions (paranoia) and hallucinations (seeing things out of the corner of the eye) are not uncommon with mania. Estimates are that upwards of 20% of BP'ers experience them at some time.

It's good that you reconize that these are not real, but that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. I can imagine that your regular Seroquel dosage previously kept this in check. You need to keep in close contact with your pdoc. Only you know exactly how badly this is affecting you. You may need to decide to forego nursing in order to keep a level mind.

Hope you feel better.

a.m.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The big dog suggestion is a good one, I have had German Sheps for years, usually at least two at the same time and they are house dogs.

Now I lock them in the bedroom with me at night. When the kids were small the dogs had the run of the house at night but I was still apprehensive.

Even when I lived in an apartment that only allowed small dogs I had a little yappy one and a shotgun just in case.

kane

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...