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It's happening all over again


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I know I haven't posted much for ages, but I can't find anyone to talk to right now. I just need to get this out.

I have been totally fine all evening, enjoying my TV and things. Until about 15 minutes ago when my parents were semi-arguing without the loudness. My dad is accusing my mum of stuff again on her phone, his insecurity I think because he left all those years ago, and then my Dad said "this is our house" when i asked him to stop it nicely. I hate fighting. I think I took it wrong though, I don't know. I said "don't try to win a psychological war with me. it's already knackered enough as it is" and then i came into my room. It was all calm, no shouting or anything. I am so tired and I want to go to bed, but now I can't. Now my parents are downstairs doing something and talking, maybe about me, i don't know.

I'm 14 again, it's happening all over again ;):):cussing:

(Note to mods: make a crying emoticon)

I made some breakthroughs tonight in my thinking in wanting to live and get better but why why why do I bother. Nothing ever changes

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when you get emotional and upset, sometimes you do things that don't make sense. like when your parents fight, it is your option to go to your room if it upsets you, and not say anything to them. it only makes the issue worse.

if they're fighting, they're fighting. there aren't that many couples that don't fight, and they're probably either cutesy-sick or mental. not everyone sees eye to eye all the time. expect that from them.

go easy on yourself and them. i know it is hard when they fight and you can't stand it, but just remember it is their fight, not yours, and you can retreat.

loon

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I agree...their relationship with each other is a separate thing from their relationship with you. Don't involve yourself in their arguments! They are both adults and capable of speaking for themselves and dealing with each other- something they undoubtedly did before you were born and will continue to do after you have moved out. When they start to upset you, leave the room or the house altogether and take a breather. Don't take it to heart and let it throw you off.

I hope you are feeling better by now. Remember, you can't control your parents or their behavior, but you can control yourself and how you deal with it.

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I don't know how old you are or your situation, but can you move out? I had/have the exact saem problems with my parents when I lived with them and now the only solution is physically leave. Let them deal with their own fucked up relationship without it stressing me out.

OT: knackered?

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Super knackered is like tired, too worn out. Easy I'm sorry your parents are upsetting you. can you put on some headphones and tune them out til you fall asleep? Or can you call someone and vent your frustrations for a while? anything with headphones on so you can shut them out for a while.

lilie

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when you get emotional and upset, sometimes you do things that don't make sense.

Yes, sorry I didn't calmly rationalise everything from a neutral perspective like you would have done, but thanks for the advice.

FYI Loon and faith, it isn't them arguing that bothered me last night. They argue when I'm in the house when I'm in worse moods than last night and it just goes straight over my head with a "meh". It's when my Dad starts accusing my Mum of doing things with other men and asking to see her phone to check up on her and then her refusing that bothers me, because it takes me back to the "good old days" when my parents broke up.

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i can see how that is traumatizing for you, however no matter what (unless he is physically abusing her, in which case, defend her!), don't worry about their fights. if you have to, physically leave. go to your room and tune it out, or go outside, or for a drive, do whatever to just ignore them.

it isn't fair of him to say those things to her, but they are adults and can have their own fights. remember, no matter how much it bothers you, it is their fight.

and if they break up again, that isn't your problem either. it is their problem. you're an adult and can handle it. don't get caught up in those prevoius years and previous feelings, where you are just desperate to keep things solid. things are fluid and you can't change them by interrupting their fights. remember, you are not a relationship changer. they have their own business to work out, obviously some trust issues.

maybe when you're alone with your mom you can suggest marriage counseling (if you can get it with those NHS waiting lists from hell), and maybe they'd even pay for it so they don't have to wait 20 years for it. that's how i'd deal with it. if you have to say something, do it in private, when the heat is off, with one or both of them individually, in a calm way. just say that you know their fighting is stressful and suggest that they may want marriage counseling. end of story.

your job as their son isn't to break up their fights, unless there is violence involved.

loon

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