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BP II and BPD? confused


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I wrote a 2 page handwritten letter to read to my pdoc, b/c I'm always so nervous I can't make sense to him OR me. We then had the best conversation we have ever had. He encouraged me to keep writing, and I actually felt like an intelligent person there. He said I described my mood disorder symptoms succintly and that I'd been born with this, it's patholological, only now being recognized and I am NOT jumping on the "bandwagon", which I had feared. (I had doubted his dx from the start, feeling that I'd fooled him.) He reduced my meds and said I'm doing better, (also to try to get rid of the tremors ) even though I wonder if I am. He referred to the extremes of the moods and the rapid cycling, but didn't say much about it.

Then my tdoc suggested (after she had talked to pdoc) that I join a Borderline support group, that many of my "issues" like childhood abuse, quickness to react emotionally, (I thought that was rapid cycling), and I don't remember what else, could be helped there.

The impression I get is that the tdoc, anyway, is looking at a combination of BP II and BPD. I know the labels don't mean shit and they're both trying to untangle the mess that I am.

But I feel like I've been a liar and a fraud (survival as a kid) all my life, and the defensiveness is worse all the time now, (except for that letter to pdoc).

I've been so afraid that my personality is the problem- and that there is no redemption for me, even tho I seem to be more stable (fits of depression, tho) on 2 mood stabilizers- so I guess it's obvious that I am CONFUSED!

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It is certainly possible to be both Bipolar and Borderline.

I'm impressed that your therapist is talking with your pdoc. Based on education and training I would tend to defer to the pdoc for diagnoses unless your therapist actually has a PhD in psychology, at which point I would look to have the two agree.

Writing things down before going to see any kind of doc is a good idea. Just be sure that you aren't holding back or sugar coating things. Failure to disclose your real condition can only hurt you.

Give the borderline support group a try. It can only help. Good ones tend to be very practically oriented, and you can probably pick up many coping skills and better understanding of yourself. If it doesn't work out you can always drop out.

good luck,

a.m.

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good advice, a.m., thank you.

I think my therapist has a masters in pychotherapy (maybe wrong term) but tends to lean towards her skill training approach to medication, even though she says it's very important to be compliant with the meds. Some mixed messages there which I'd really like to sort out with her if I get the guts!

But ya, to be talking to the pdoc is great. they consider which support group I should attend..lol..Last time it was Anxiety which I declined- too anxious!!

And one thing I found in the writing (which I've found in general writing for a long time), is that I am much more honest, I think, than face to face. Shy, anxious- all that.

I'm open to giving the Borderline group a try. Thanks again

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