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To the main problem. Being bisexual in Utah is hard. For the last few years I have tried dating women exclusively. I can't seem to meet anyone. Anyone I do meet become big drama. I've been thinking of going back to the gay scene, which is pretty active in this valley. The problem (at least around here) is that the scene is very predatory. Most everyone is looking for Mr Right Now. I want to form friendships and maybe then relationships, although relationships are very scary to me.

Any advice?

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  • 4 weeks later...

one thing that happens here, that seems like a great way to spend time with people, is the bar pool leagues (yes, some of the people drink, and there are problems with social scenes revolving around a bar, but with the gay scene, sometimes it's difficult to find other arenas -- except maybe the MCC church).. it's a few or all the gay bars who sponsor teams, hosting some of the games, they open up the pay tables or whatever, generally one night a week for the league, and then there's also the time a team might take to practice depending on how serious they are..

but sports activities are a good way to socialize with other queer people without the purpose of picking up -- but of course, anywhere can be a cruise, if you play it right, so i doubt that aspect will ever go away.

one option/possibility is to yourself -- or if you find one like-minded man or woman who wants to have friendships not just sex or romance -- to try to start a social group that interests you. could be a hiking group or reading group or sports recreational group, or something like that. i know that's socially not an easy thing to do, but that is why i would suggest seeing if someone was also interested in working with you to start one.

are there any community centres that serve the gay population in your area? or less formal type groups? even an AIDS group or PFLAG chapter, or the like? there may be ways to volunteer that get you connected with community members who have an interest in serving the population, and knowing people on a more casual basis, or in ways that work outside the 'predatory scene'..

being bi isn't easy either; when my last relationship ended, i wondered whether my gay friends would even want to associate with me.. but i have been pleased to find that they still care about me and want to be my friend whether i'm with a man or woman.

just a few thoughts.

pj

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