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what is up with these thoughts?

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like, when a heavy-set lady was crossing in front of the car, my mind went to "she doesn't need a jacket, looks like she retains a lot of heat." or "when she grows up she'll realize how ugly her mom is."

its horrible! i don't mean them. is it just that its conditioned in me from all the outside influences? or do i really feel that way? or is it part of bipolar?

i always feel so bad when something like that happens.

i cannot tell someone to practice tolerance, compassion, empathy if i am thinking these thoughts!

i probably just have to re-program my brain!



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you're admitting to something i do too. mainly to stupid people in my case.

i don't think it is a part of our disorder, i think it is human. i think if we're honest with ourselves we'll see that we do that. i also pick on obnoxious drivers.

sometimes, even if i'm my myself (like in the car), i'll say my insults out loud to myself. i think it diffuses road rage.

you are merciful and kind. but you're also a person and sometimes we have sarcastc thoughts that aren't very nice.

that's my opinion anyway.

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gettin' there: I wouldn't worry about these thoughts. It sounds obvious that you'd never say these things to her face. Not every thought that enters ours minds is rational. Not sure if it has anything to do with a certain MI, but I have them too. Mindfullness could help (see below).

For example the other day I was walking in a park, I was feeling particulary depressed that day and negative thoughts (towards myself) were already escalating on a downwards spiral. In the distance I heard and saw a park maintenance truck, the kind that chews up broken sticks and fallen brances. My thoughts escalated like this:

What is this??! Why am I going to have to walk past this noisy truck in the park?? How inconsiderate. Don't they realise that some people want to have a peaceful walk in the park without being forced to walk past this noisy branch chewing monster. Don't they realise some people are depressed! What am I going to do now? This is terrible. They should have park laws against this. I should complain!

Of course I realised this was just out of control irrational thinking. I didn't mean these things of course. My rational mind kicked in and I said to myself: nobody is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to walk past this truck. Why don't I veer off the path before I get any closer and go a different way. So I did that, and felt better for having talked myself into a good alternative to the situation that was before me.

A few days afterwards I replayed the scene in my mind, trying to apply mindfullness. I could have just described the truck without judgement or emotion. Like: I see a truck ahead, making a loud noise, it's on the path just ahead of me, it sounds like it's chewing up broken brances. Lets go a different way to avoid the noise.

Or something similar.

Sometimes we have irrational thoughts when we're stressed, or depressed. We wouldn't necessarily have had these thoughts if we were feeling well. It doesn't say anything about us as a person. It's not like we verbalise or act out these things. (I hope!)

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