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I'm in love with L, a spectacularly wonderful woman who's recently discovered she's multiple. We're planning to get married.

It got a little complicated when I discovered that three insiders decided they should handle certain plans for the wedding-- Layla says she'll get the cake and the photographer, Leilani wants to do flowers, and so on. L had already been working on these things herself, and had no idea she was getting "help." But I suggested to the insiders that they write notes in L's notebook, and indeed they have been, which is in some ways a bit of a breakthrough in L's internal communications. (At present, I actually have more overt knowledge of L's internal system than she does.)

So far, so good.

But last night, I got a call from a new insider, Monica. (I live in a different city than L and her internal posse, so it's a long-distant relationship.) Monica had heard on the inside they were planning on getting married, and found my name on the cell phone... and called to find out what was going on.

It turns out Monica is from a group of insiders who don't much interact with the insiders I already know. Monica didn't know me. Monica doesn't even know who L is, though she does know some of L's family members. She mentioned names of several other insiders I've never met. So, it seems word of me is spreading to a group of insiders who-- I don't know how to express this-- stay out on the edges? are a level deeper?

Not a problem. I'm pleased to meet new insiders. I think I've gained the trust and affection of the one's I've already met, and I'm ready to gain the trust of more.

But it's trickier now. For one thing, Monica says she likes girls, and bluntly asked me how that could work with me in the picture. She flatly said she's not ready to get married, and that it's not fair that she'd have to go along with this.

Plus, as I said, Monica isn't quite like the others I've met. She perceives herself as being "inside", but she doesn't know who L is... and isn't clear on what her relationship is with the "outside" world. She even told me what she looks like, and it isn't very much like the way L looks.

I of course was nice to her, and pleased to meet her. Our conversation was challenging, but pleasant. And I took her seriously. I told her I could see how she'd be concerned... but that the other insiders I've met all seem to like me-- including a couple that she actually does know. I said not to get too worried. I said I wasn't quite sure how we'd handle her being with girls romanticly... but that I'm sure we could figure out something. I asked her in any event to give me a chance.

That was about the best I could do. She pointedly asked me just how we could possibly accomodate our contrary romantic interests in a marriage, and I didn't have a good answer. I was basically just buying time.

Loving L is teaching me many things... including how not to freak out, how to keep my spirits up even when things get complicated and confusing. And I'm hopeful this new event won't turn into a crisis.

L has expressed unfocused fears that some insider might take over at the wedding and cause trouble. So far, that hadn't seemed likely. Now, though, I'm a wee bit concerned.

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i feel for you! i don't really have any advice for you. but it can still work out.

mynate and i have an open relationship, even though we've been monogomous for over a year. so i can't honestly even relate to the problem. but i do know that a lot of multiples meet one person and stay with that one person, even though there are people in the system who'd like to be dating a different gender, or is still a teenager and wants to date a lot.... it can work out :) i don't know how they all compromise on it, but it can't be any harder than the other things a system has to agree on ;)

good luck and try not to stress too much over it :cussing: just keep on being friends with everyone and let things fall into place.


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In my last dispatch, I was concerned that a newly surfaced insider, Monica, might disrupt wedding plans between L and myself.

Monica tells me she's into girls, and doesn't want to get married.

Well, this morning L woke up and found a detailed letter from Monica. This is the first time an insider has communicated with her this overtly.

Monica says she'll go along with the marriage... but only under protest. She says she's a "team player." She even said she'll help with the wedding plans.

Monica, however, is very mistrustful of tdocs, and apparently wouldn't let L attend a session today. BUT... Monica has decided L needs to lose weight, and so signed L up for dance lessons.

L wants me to give her a wake up call tomorrow, so she can get to the dance lessons on time.

Man, life was sooooo boring before I fell in love with a multiple.

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Man, life was sooooo boring before I fell in love with a multiple.

*giggles* most of my friends can likely commiserate.

what kind of dance lessons?

my littles wanted to teach you two important words for living with a multi...

confundled: when someone is confused because they came out in the middle of a fight and don't know why you're mad (or any applicable situation).

confoozled: when the multiple switches so quickly you can't even keep up with the conversation.


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Hip-hop lessons, abifae.

Monica is 19 and very athletic... and as I'm learning, rather assertive. I'm guessing ballroom dancing wouldn't be her thing. (L's 24, and active, but I wouldn't say she's athletic.)

So far, there hasn't been a whole lot of fast switiching, at least not in front of me. When I'm around, it can happen suddenly... but then whoever's out stays out for a while. We're both new to multiplicity, though, so maybe that'll change as more insiders get bold enough to reveal themselves.

And L and I live in different cities and time zones, so much of our interaction is on the phone.

I've learned that if I get a call from L's phone late at night, it's not going to be L on the line. That seems to be when insiders like to talk to me. But I have to explain to L the next day why she's so sleepy!

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