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I hate BPD


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I hate having psychotherapy, I hate having DBT! I hate having emotions and I hate the way I feel right now! I feel like an angry toddler right now, it's so ridiculous. Everything hurts. I am so screwed up. I'll never get better. I'm such a loser.

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I hate having psychotherapy, I hate having DBT! I hate having emotions and I hate the way I feel right now! I feel like an angry toddler right now, it's so ridiculous. Everything hurts. I am so screwed up. I'll never get better. I'm such a loser.

Don't give up, it takes time to rewire your brain and learn healthy ways of thinking.

I hate the fact I've not been able to get DBT, and I kept being told that there's a long waiting list for psychotherapy and proper HELP. Even after I OD'd last year, after missing one appointment they wrote me off their books despite me pleading to them that I still needed help. I had to get myself re-referred but it took several phone calls to them over the space of several months to find this out. I thought they had wiped their hands off me. By the way here you have no choice, you have to go see the free pdoc, paying yr ass to see a private pdoc is only for the very rich.

I'm now back at this free pdoc and back on medication, and have been told I will get psychotherapy next year. AT LAST. What a battle it was to get this far.

Unlike you, I'm actually looking forward to it, ok I know it's going to hurt and it's going to drag up unpleasant and downright horrible stuff from the past.

Just think, once you've learnt new skills to deal with your emotions things can only get better!

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what you are doing is hard.

being borderline and feeling raw sucks.

DBT is hard.

DBT with psychotherapy (combo, 4 days a week, heh) was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. forever i just kept feeling like it wasn't going to work, that it was just a treadmill of pain. but somewhere, in the pain of all that therapy and skills training, i learned things, so many things, real things, and it changed my life in a very fundamental way. in that year i found out who i was, finally. and now i look back, and i am so proud of myself for doing that. i feel like it is the best thing i have ever done.

i hope you realize you are doing something incredibly hard right now. you are trying to change how your emotions work. you are creating a stable sense of self. that is huge. it is hard. every day you do this you deserve a gold star and you deserve to be showered with praise.

you aren't a looser, you're doing something huge right now.

and i believe you will get better. i got better. DBT works.

and i'm sorry that it will keep hurting like this for a while until things start to click into place. but it's okay to be in pain, you know? there's no shame in hurting. emotions are scary, but they're okay. it's okay to feel like a toddler. things are scary and frustrating and you have every right to be angry and sad and just everything. and you also have the right to learn to deal with these feelings. and i have faith that you will learn. stick with it, it's worth it. i promise.

maybe you can go do a pleasurable activity? you deserve it. have you made your own list yet? for some reason i really liked making my own list. with mini lists inside of escapes for all of my every day stressful situations, gardens near school, italian sodas... little things. i dunno i'm rambling and just ... there are things in DBT that can help you with this pain right now.

take care of yourself and keep us posted.

penny

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I hate having psychotherapy, I hate having DBT! I hate having emotions and I hate the way I feel right now! I feel like an angry toddler right now, it's so ridiculous. Everything hurts. I am so screwed up. I'll never get better. I'm such a loser.

Don't give up Karuna...I know how bad it sucks, god does it really, really suck to be this way. BUT, we're going to get better, it won't always be like this.

I hope that the next time the though "I'm a loser" pops into your head you are able to challenge that thought and replace it with something positive because, darling, you are far from a loser. YOU ARE MARVELOUS!!!

I have read many of your posts and can see what a loving person you are. You have so much to offer the world and soon, with more DBT under your belt...you will be wizzing through life with a smile on your face. I know things will get better for you because I know you'll stick with the DBT even though it's so, so hard.

I know you can do it. Penny did it, I am doing it...I know you can stick through it and do what you need to do for yourself. You should be so proud of yourself for sticking with DBT despite how hard it is, you are taking control of your life and making a real, life changing difference for yourself.

BIG TIGHT HUGS!!! Keep your head up and if you ever need to vent/bitch about DBT, meds, your tdoc/pdoc...shoot me a PM!! I have enough venting built up to sustain us for months of PM's!!

More hugs...and sending healing, warm thoughts to you today.

Love,

Natalie

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Thanks. I did some self soothe stuff today and I feel a little calmer. I think my tdoc was trying to press some buttons to get me to feel something that I was repressing, which is why I felt so chaotic. My Dad has been really sweet to me today, he had lunch with me and talked with me, which helped. I am off to a martial arts class tonight, maybe some time punching the bag will help destress me and centre me a bit. Your replies have been really helpful and have made me feel a lot less like a loser.

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