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I called my ex 2 weeks ago while quite high (marijuana and mania). We have been trading some 1 or 2 line emails and I have been feeling the overwhleming urge to spill my guts to him. I don't want to get back together, but I'd like to talk to him.

Y'know how you can send an email with some kind of lead into further conversation or an email that just ends the thought? Yeah, he sent one with the end of a thought. It is fairly obvious that he doesn't want to keep talking or anything. So I am confused about whether to respond or how to. If I don't respond, then it is like I am stopping the communication. If I write back asking about more stuff, that will most likely end in me looking like a jackass. I'm going to post our emails back and forth and see what you guys think. Like a game. give me a sec...

(Prelude: I call him & leave a vm wishing him a Happy anniversary - not our actually anniversary but the 2yranniversary of a traumatic event and the 1 yr anniversary of us talking)

Him: Either you changed your number or it isn't what I remember it was. Happy Anniversary. If you want to talk, call, if not I hope you're doing well.

(I give him my #, he calls, I don't pick up and don't call back)

Me:Yeah, I don't think we actually need to talk. I just called in a moment of weakness. Sorry about that.

Him: Nobody needs anything, and there's no reason to be sorry. Someday I may want my table back.

(He gave me this table for my apt that he made in 7th grade - I guess it was a loan)

Me: Any time you want you can pick it up.

Me again (2 days later, becuase it was his b-day) : Happy birthday by the way - did you get that pony you always wanted?

Him: Thanks, no I didn't get the pony, but I went to Iowa.

Me: Y'know, it shouldn't surprise me that you went somewhere like Iowa for your birthday - and yet... How was Iowa? The only thing that pops into my mind is corn. And flatness....

Him: It was flat and cold, and there was no corn anymore and I didn't get a bread bowl. Other than that it was uneventful

SO NOW WHAT? Complete this converstation. Options: "No bread bowl? Sacrilege..." "At least you you won't forget your 32nd birthday for the sheer uneventfulness" "Sorry to hear it - at least it wasn't unpleasant." or....

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Well, I think the bread bowl as an ikon says it all.

ahem. ;)

Sounds like he doesn't feel any need to keep the ball in the air, so to speak. Seems like you actually have a pretty good perception of the situation. He isn't really responding with any enthusiasm, and you knew better than to call him and talk live. The main confusion is your not being able to let him go (no answers here. believe me.)

I think you ought to arrange to get the table back to him soon, no matter what. If you don't, he'll always have hard feelings.

best, a.m.

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What exactly is the purpose of this conversation? I mean what are you getting from it that it needs to continue? I just wondered why it was so important if you don't want to get back with him or anything.

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It is fairly obvious that he doesn't want to keep talking or anything. So I am confused about whether to respond or how to.

Hiya gwen. You answer your question, then ask the question. It sounds like he is being polite, but not really encouraging things, so maybe it's time to let it go...

lily

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Gwen it sounds like the best thing to do is to end the conversing. He sounds either disinterested or maybe bitter about the breakup.

I don't stay in touch with ex bfs. I prefer a clean break. It's far less emotionally fucked up.

XO

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What exactly is the purpose of this conversation? I mean what are you getting from it that it needs to continue? I just wondered why it was so important if you don't want to get back with him or anything.

The only actual reason I have for conversing in any way is because I keep thinking about him. AND IT PISSES ME OFF. There is NO rational reason why I should be thinking about him in any kind of a positive way, there is NO rational reason to even entertain the thought of being in a relationship, friendship or otherwise. My mind is fucking with me. I can't figure it out in therapy, my friends got sick of hearing me talk about it months ago, I am sick of my head processing these thoughts. I had some kind of idea that talking to him would provide closure in some way, but it hasn't so far. GODDAMN MY HEAD.

Yes Lily, I answer my question then ask it. I swear I have some crazy beings in my head that argue over this shit and my mouth tries to form some kind of rational expression of the multiple voices or aliens in my brain.

Did I mention I am mentally ill? It just keeps getting worse....

Thanks all for agreeing with the side that makes any kind of sense.

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i totally understand the need for closure.

the last time i talked to my ex husband was the day my dad died. i called and asked him to come to my dad's funeral, since my dad had done a lot for my ex and they had liked each other. my ex said he couldn't make it because his gf wouldn't like it!!

i wanted closure in that relationship/marriage. i wanted to actually sit down and talk about it (he was still in IL and i was in OH). i STILL want to talk about it. he moved and changed his phone number, and gave me no further contact information. i can't find anything about him on the internet, despite my sleuthing. i've been divorced for 2 1/2 years and haven't talked to him since that day. i wish i could.

but what would we say? how could i make up for my mistakes, and he for his? what would we gain? what would closure mean? i basically just want to apologize for my mistakes and tell him i'm a different person, but not get back together.

this is just for you- what would closure mean for you? are you sure you want it, or do you want to get back together? what is your goal with trying to communicate with him?

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this is just for you- what would closure mean for you? are you sure you want it, or do you want to get back together? what is your goal with trying to communicate with him?

Good question Loon. Very important.

Ideally I would just like him out of my head. There is a quiet voice in the back somewhere that says "Maybe you are still thinking about him because you really do love him" - but then the other voices turn around and throw stuff at him/her.

Part of me wants him to feel bad about how he treated me. He's not going to.

Part of me wants to tell him I went into the hospital after the last time we talked. But he wouldn't care or just think less of me.

Part of me just wants to hurt him as much as he hurt me, but I don't think that's possible with an insensitive, unfeeling, selfish jackass.

I just want to stop thinking and dreaming about him.

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