What is wrong with me?

[heliotropic]

I'm not sure where this goes. I've seen a couple of therapists and they are usually hesitant to put a label on what I have. I hate that having a "personality disorder" is stigmatized, it leads to me feeling isolated in my situation. My diagnosis is variable depending on how I present myself and what kind of therapist I see: major depression, major depression with psychotic features, ocd, generalized anxiety disorder, aspects of a personality dissorder.

It's hard for me to be social. I come across as creepy, I'm afraid. It's hard for me to make eye contact and when I force myself to do so I get "crazy eyes" and it's very embarrassing.

edit: [lots of stuff taken out cause it was embarassing]

What the hell is going on with me? Does anyone have a similar situation? What helped you?

[Natsky]

helio:

I'd like to tell you how sorry I am for you that you have to hear unfriendly voices in your head. I am also sad for you that your identity shifts...I know how hard that is.

I don't have the words right now to really reply to your post, I've come down with a horrible flu and can't think very well...but I wanted you to know you were heard and understood.

Big hugs,

Natalie

[Guest]

H,

I am sorry that you are suffering so much. What you are going through sounds really terrible. I couldn't really relate much to the particulars of your situation, but I do hear voices that aren't mine that I can't control, so I sympathise with what a painful thing that is. What helped me was to realise that the voices have never and can never take me over, they are just a part of my mind that I am not in touch with. The more I listen and confront the voices the more they lessen and the less effect they have on me. So if the voices get nasty I challenge them and say 'why did you call me that name?' or 'what do you hope to gain by abusing me?' like I would confront a bully. Often then they back off. Just my experience.

[heliotropic]

Thanks for the replies.

What do you do for work? For money? I applied at a bookstore today but I don't know if I'd get hired or could handle it. People tell me I have a very strong "leave me alone" angry vibe. Yet I don't feel it.