reba6465 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I drink so much I admit I'm an alcoholic but can't stop no matter what. I've been drinking for 20 years. It is a major part of my life. I know it's up to me to decide to stop but I don't want to. Can anyone relate to me or am I alone with this hell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sensation Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 What triggers it? Are you doing it to cover up thoughts? Do you actually like the taste? I overeat because of problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 26, 2006 Author Share Posted November 26, 2006 I like the feeling of being f**cked up and being dizzy and drunk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sensation Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Don't you feel sick the next day? Two of my uncles were/are alcoholics. My Dad drinks most nights to cover up his sadness probably. He was never a loud drunk. You could find plenty of people at the AA meetings to relate to you. Wish I could help.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dweii Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I don't have your problems, although I definitely have periods where I drink too much, but I have experience from friends. It's not a matter of just deciding to stop. You need professional help. It doesn't have to be AA, just something. You seem to have realized you have a problem and that's really a big accomplishment, lots of alcoholics will deny and deny and deny their whole lives. I wish I was more helpful, but you're not alone, and I know it's a hard road to go down, but it's possible. Seek professional help. What is available where you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yes I do feel sick the next day. I usually wake up about 3:00 am shaking all over like a mini siezure. I get up and take 2 mg of Klonopin and that helps. I know I need help but I can't do it. Is anyone in the same situation or am I really alone with this crap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirMarshall Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Hi Reba, I hope that you can reach the point of deciding you are willing to change. Your symptoms sound like the DT's (delirium tremens). Very close to the edge medically. You very well may need to go thru a medically supervised detox. Stopping cold turkey at this point could be dangerous, and even beyond your willpower alone. Your pdoc or family physician should be able to help arrange it when you want it. a.m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 I know, I know. I am such a total loser, damn it all! Is anyone else in the same boat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirMarshall Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 You aren't a loser while your heart is still beating. a.m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libby Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 There are millions of people who are alcoholics, and know they are alcoholics, and yet do not want to quit drinking, no matter what harm they may bring to themselves, their spouses, or their children. Or innocent strangers on a highway. Now that you know you're not alone... then what? Does it matter somehow? Are you looking for a kindred spirit to tell you that it's ok to conitnue to live in this hell because you like the buzz? I'm not sure why you're asking the question about whether you are alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yes I am looking for someone who can relate and tell me it's ok. Hard to admit but sadly true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirMarshall Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Reba, much as I want to be sympathetic, I'm not going to condone your drinking, anymore than I would condone someone looking for support for the heroin habit. The forum rules: Discuss addiction problems here. Booze? Weed? Gets you high, or brings you down? Talk to it with those who've been there. No 12 Stepping needed.Talk about how to quit, not continue. But if the feds come knocking on my door I'm going to give them what they are looking for because I can't afford a lawyer. If you want to talk about manufacturing or your plans to blow up the Corn Palace, do so at your own risk. Now, what can we do to help you quit? a.m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sensation Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I know, I know. I am such a total loser, damn it all! Is anyone else in the same boat? Your not a loser, you have admitted you have a problem. There are plenty of people in the same boat but wont admit it. You don't need to know someone else with the problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Thank you all for your nice words of encouragement. I will keep them in mind in case I ever want to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackbird Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Reba I can empathize very strongly with your predicament I am a total and utter alcoholic and can understand what you are going through. I have been mainly sober since January but have had two evenings since then when I drank. One was to the point of inebriation and the other one I was slightly tipsy. Thankfully I don't seem to have the need anymore to drink every night. And I used to drink 3 litres of vodka a week - drunk every night. I thought I couldn't live without it. Still whenever I drink I have a hard time controlling it, I want more more more until I blackout. It has been agreed with my mother (who sets all the rules in the house and is also a recovering alcoholic) that we will only drink on special occasions like Christmas and St Patricks Day and stick to low alcohol content drinks. I really feel like we can manage this. I have learnt how good life is without the booze - it made me psychotic and hallucinate and I got suicidally depressed. Even the two occasions when I have drunk since January - it brought back all the sadness and pain and made me feel psychotic again, I'm still recovering from my blow out the other week. But there is not a day that goes past when I don't feel bitter and angry at myself at not being able to have a normal relationship with alcohol. Already I am planning to smuggle in some vodka over Christmas to sneak into my drinks so I can get extra drunk. (after I just posted there that I felt I could manage sticking to low alcohol content drinks - I can in my hole!) So if you ever want to bitch, share pain, discuss booze I'll be here for you on this forum or through PM wishing you all the best blackbird x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libby Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I think the fact that you want someone to condone your addiction means that you cannot condone it by yourself. Your authentic self knows that something is not right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themind Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I know some people are really turned off by the idea of AA..... So here is a link to another organization that might be of some help... http://www.moderation.org/ Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panz Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yes, I can relate. Booze makes me feel free and happy. I like being tipsy. I love rum. I've just been on a fourteen day bender and don't remember most of the time. My SO is upset with me and my drinking has caused a lot of pain between us, but I still crave it. I would like to learn moderation, because I know that I will likely never be able to give it up. I'm trying to get off the binge for my sweeties's sake, but in a lot of ways I don't want to quit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reba6465 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I waited several hours later then usual to have my first drink. I will run out of booze tonight and will try to do without for a couple of days and then just have a few. MODERATION. I'm not sure i can do it but I'm going to try. Usually with me it's all or nothing and my experience with booze is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mono1115 Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 I've got to get to work so I'll make this fast and post more later. I'm not "alcoholic" but I am a problem drinker. I would like to second the link posted above...to Moderation Management. I belong to that group, and it's VERY helpful. Explore the options and see which one fits best for you. However, I agree with the others that is sounds like you're experiencing withdrawal, and withdrawing without medical attention from alcohol is dangerous....people DIE from the seizures and DTs. So if you are ready to quit, get yourself to your doctor. I personally drink to quiet my mind...I have OCD and the alcohol I found worked nicely to numb my thoughts and my anxiety. I'll find the link later, but there is a website that discusses how alcohol use actually WORSENS anxiety and depression, because of the changes it causes in brain chemistry. Ok, must go, feel free to contact me about moderation. I'm still learning myself and have along way to go. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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