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can someone with BPD help? what can i do to help her see that i'm not so

bad?

history: in the beginning, it was perfection. i'd never loved so hard nor been

loved, adored and idolized more. then i made a few stupid mistakes, i learned

from them totally but she won't let me forget that i made them.

i've read out here that it happens a lot with BPD.

my question is, was there anything your SO could say to get the love back? ;)

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how long ago did you make these mistakes?

black/white thinking (the devaluation/idolization thing) varies from person to person. i used to basically rapid cycle through my black and whites. other people it takes longer.

i don't know what mistakes you made, but sometimes it isn't so easy to forget certain things.

also keep in mind that borderlines often push away those they care about out of a fear of rejection. an "i'll reject you before you can reject me" type of thing. depending upon what happened, she may be reacting to those events out of a fear of rejection, of being alone.

while black and white thinking is irrational and it is hard to see though, it is not so all encompassing that it is impossible for borderlines to listen and change their minds.

talk to her. tell her how you feel. assure her that you aren't going anywhere. talk about what happened until she feels like it's been really talked out. maybe she has some things left to say and she is reluctant to really talk about it.

it's hard to really answer your question.

there is no borderline magic button. relationships are always complex. there are always problems in relationships, regardless of mental illness. there is always a honeymoon period in a relationship before reality sets in... it's not just a borderline thing. (though the idolization and extreme adoration, depending on how they are played out, are often characteristics of borderline relationships.) all you can do is be honest, loving and caring. that is all anyone can do. and realize that she may never idolize you as a perfect being, and this is not a bad thing.

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I think when trust has been broken it needs time to be regained. That is not to say that your SO gets to wave your mistakes in your face at every opportunity, but you can't expect her to just forget them if they hurt her either. I echo penny's advice and talk to her to reassure her that you won't make those mistakes again and that you want to earn back her trust.

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I think when trust has been broken it needs time to be regained. That is not to say that your SO gets to wave your mistakes in your face at every opportunity, but you can't expect her to just forget them if they hurt her either. I echo penny's advice and talk to her to reassure her that you won't make those mistakes again and that you want to earn back her trust.

i appreciate you both answering, i'm outta my head sometimes but things are calm now.

the mistakes were made mostly last year. see, she's very strong and stand offish to

most people. i'm at times overly compassionate whereas she's like 'fuck them, look

after yourself'. she's totally right though. i feel like i've learned from those mistakes

and she hasn't called me 'weak' in a long time but she never forgets. if we fight,

she throws it up in my face. i'm bipolar too so i'm sure i spur a lot of shit on since i'm on

a rollercoaster most of the time. i so want to be more understanding.

thanks again and i'll try reassuring her that i've learned.

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