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WTF? Diagnosis Issues!


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Hello All! This is so weird, I thought I'd share...

I was diagnosed BP1 years ago by one pdoc in the hospital. Now I see a new pdoc and wanted to know if he had any new ideas. I've never jumped out of moving cars or anything, but I did take off and leave my husband to move to a new state, got an apartment with no job because I thought money would magically appear, and had at least 10 lovers in less than a month. I was batshit crazy!!! My mania includes a super grandios delusion that I am so powerful and awesome, along with abrupt actions that go along with my delusions, and reckless actions (short of jumping out of cars). I got fired from 2 professional IT jobs in 5 months because I jsut sat around and played with my computer at work, because I was so awesome, and even forgot how to do my job, so was basically getting paid to screw my coworkers. Hence I got canned! I also got pregnant because I decided I could make up my mind to not get pregnant and so I wouldn't get pregnant, and had to have an abortion then because the hormone flux got me out of mania and I realized- hey! I couldn't support myself and was about to get evicted! How could I support a baby!? And I knew I was bipolar and crazy! It was medical too. I really wrecked my life and still feel it 3 years later!

My current pdoc has heard all of this, however surprised me with a BP2 diagnosis. I thought that was a hypomania, more of a softer mania that gives more of the positive symptoms of BP without threatening your life or ruining your life! He claims that since my depression is my main symptom and the reason for my hospitalizations and are deeper thn my manias are high, that I am BP2. ???

My depressions aren't even "normal" depressions. I have delusions that I am awful and have to hurt myself, yet I enjoy activities and do get out a lot to have fun. I just get into a rut where I am dangerous to mysef and want to/and do try to commit suicide, because I just think I am the worst person alive. Depression for me is more of an anger towards myself than losing hope. I have plenty of hope, just feel like I should die!! I don't know why!! I've also gotten fired from jobs for being depressed/mixed. I get it in my head that no one likes me, and so I stop communicating at work, and only talking about how other people are out to get me. I start getting paranoid and lock up everything and act like I'm being stalked or something.

So what about this BP2 idea? To me, my manias ruin my life and then when I come down, and realize what I've done, I get into these funky depressions, try to kill myself, and land in the psycho ward again. There is NOTHING positive about my manias! I think I'm awesome and don't have to try at all to be great- so I'm not more creative or anything, just a non-stop annoying conceited bitch.

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you are absolutely right. you definitely sound like textbook case bipolar I. perhaps your current doctor has not seen you in a mania, and therefore doesn't realize how wild it can be (despite the fact that you explained it in very clear detail)?

more importantly, whether bipolar I or II what mood stabilizers are you on?

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The descrimator between BPI and BPII is the quality of the mania, not the depressions. Your mania reads like a classic textbook description of BPI.

You should point this out to the Pdoc and ask how he accounts for this discrepancy.

In the end the only important thing is that you are stable. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

A.M.

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I take Lamictal at 200mg and am coming off of Paxil/being put on Gabatril (which I'm kinda afraid of!).

Yeah, my drugs work, and it doesn't matter what my pdoc thinks in terms of 1 or 2. He hasn't seen my mania yet so he probably just doesn't *get* how crazy it is! But just ask my ex husband- he can attest!

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Sure doesn't sound like BP2 to me.  I think it's the new rage in diagnostics these days though.

Anyway, you sound classic BP1 to me too.  And trust me darlin', I know the drill.  My best friend is BP2 and we are waaaaayyyyy different.  She can cycle ten times in the same day.  Or at least she did pre meds.  I go the long term route.  A month or two on total self-destruct followed by months of I-gotta-die blues.  BP2 involves more rapid cycling from what I understand.

BTW, what are you taking?

Oh, and another BP1 signal in your post--massive self-deprication.  That's the disease talking.  You might just be perfectly wonderful!  ;)

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I take Lamictal at 200mg and am coming off of Paxil/being put on Gabatril (which I'm kinda afraid of!).
sounds like the medication is working, which is great.  And don't worry about Gabatril.  at least for me it was relatively mild.

...probably just doesn't *get* how crazy it is! But just ask my ex husband- he can attest!

I'm sure your ex-husband is crazy. if not, why would he leave you?

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No no, I left my ex husband! In the grasp of mania, I packed up and moved (with only a week of preparation) to 3 states away, with no job, because I thought I was too awesome to need work or something. I was the loon! And my ex was the one who was left kind of in the middle of nowhere, his wife suddenly gone one day. He can attest, I am the nut case!

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No no, I left my ex husband! In the grasp of mania, I packed up and moved (with only a week of preparation) to 3 states away, with no job, because I thought I was too awesome to need work or something. I was the loon! And my ex was the one who was left kind of in the middle of nowhere, his wife suddenly gone one day. He can attest, I am the nut case!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I left my ex-boyfriend under similar circumstances.  I was completely out of my mind when I moved from our home in Nevada back to my mom's place in Florida.  I made the drive in three days with my brother-in-law, and the things that poor man put up with -- crying, screaming, intense mania, my hallucinations...

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I agree with all the others.  I can't imagine what mania is like if this is hypomania.  I would just stick with the meds that have helped, and not worry too much about the BP 2 thing.  The fact that your hospitalizations have been related to depression is not that suprising.  Suicide attempts during a depressive episode get you into the hospital.  The ER's main concern is that you are a risk to yourself or others.  That may be part of mania, but your insurance company won't understand that.  When I have been manic and my pdoc has suggested a hospitalization, I have usually ignored my pdoc's suggestion.  I will say something stupid like, I won't be able to jump on the beds there so you are not going to get my mood levels down by having me drugged in a safe environment.

Katie ;)

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