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banned from having an emotional response to...anything. Ever.

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Hi desert; I empathise with you. Most people simply dont understand what it is like. Hang in there. Things might seem shocking today but they will get better.

No-one has a right to comment about your meds or sessions. They will do it anyway, but dont be afraid to politely say "thats personal, you wouldnt like it if I said it about you".

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This is going to be a touchy area for a long time. Until your family sees years of stability, there is always going to be that question in the back of their minds "Is she crazy or is this just her?"

In the case of me and my husband, when he was headed towards mania he LIED about it because he didn't want it to stop. So yeah..he earned years of suspicion. He also lied about his depression. The more he needed help, the less likely he was to seek it and the more defensive he was when I tried to talk to him about it.

I don't know what your particular situation is, and I can only give "the other side" on this. I am guessing that the more confident you feel about yourself and your moods, the less this will bother you. And yeah, some people are just assholes. As long as YOU know you are OK, it doesn't matter what they think.

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Ahhhhh, let's trade places! B/c my rant is the opposite. (The grass is always greener, of course!)

Dh and my family never talk to me about it...they totally avoid it like it doesn't exist. He never asks about my appts or my meds. And if I tell him I have a pdoc/tdoc appt, he acts bummed, like it is taking time away from him.

I feel so neglected!

But he is also at the point, I think, of denial. He makes comments like 'Everyone has ups and downs. Life has ups and downs.' (A 'what makes you so special?' attitude). Even after the doctor talked to him about it.

I've only been taking meds for a few months, so maybe things will change with time. I have just started to really stabilize the past 2 weeks.

So how long have you been treated for this and how did your dh react right away? How long did it take for your meds to work? And BTW, how are your kiddos?

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I saw my pdoc today and the first thing my wife asked was, "Did she say how long it would be before you could stop taking the meds?"

Did you answer "As long as you keep asking me stupid questions and treating me like dirt." ??? ;)

No, because that would only mean fewer meds, not NO meds :)


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i'm not even allowed to be baseline without someone commenting on my moods, and how i must be feeling depressed or manic on any given day. my baseline is somewhere around mild depression, that's just me and is normal for me. i always feel that way unless i'm on wellbutrin and an ssri, and even then, my mood is usually a bit down.

people assume that because of this that i'm depressed. no, this is just the way i am. i'm a more serious person than a lot of people. this is constantly mistaken for depression. when i get excited or happy, perfectly normal emotions, then i must be manic.

even after years of this, i still get the calls from my mom asking me if i'm ok, and she means mood-wise. it is irritating.

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My dh has been pulling this for five years, as it suits him, in other words, if it is convienient for him to attribute a reaction to *its all just in her head* then he does, wether or not that is so.

I hate to break it to you, but ALL husbands (at least all the married guys I know INCLUDING my own husband) treat their wives like they are nuts when they are faced with strong emotion. I think it is some kind of Y Chromosome generated defense mechanism.

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I know this isn't all about OCD and stuff, but...

I think it's a form of rationalization...

During a depressive episode (bear with me here, I'm a scientist by trade):

"Well, I guess your catecholamines decided to go AWOL today, didn't they?"

"Looks like *somebody's* got too much 5HT2 action going on there!"

During depression that's obviously induced by something:

"Looks like <certain individual whom I both love and mock> is having his head up his ass AGAIN."

"Well, society's defective. Your job is to fix that, someday?"

During the grave fatigue and depression that precedes my psiMS attacks:

"Oh, not THIS shit again...."

Swinging up into hypomania:

"Well, there goes my serotonin and norepinephrine... don't talk so much... don't talk so much... hey, talking too fast... too fast... sloooowwww down..."

In the end, "banning" yourself from having the emotional response is essentially a defense mechanism. Whether or not it works depends on the user...

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  • 4 months later...

Does anyone else ever feel like that?

I'm glad I happened to wander by the OCD board cause of this one. And I would tell you that I would try not to ramble and switch from subject to subject but it'd be pointless and a lie. Altho lying is a good thing for the most part. Anyways. Yah, I've been diagnosed with OCD, when I was 16 or so they gave me....150mg zoloft I think. 22 now btw. Yah 150 mg zoloft for ocd. But at that time I was forced to go to a doctor by court order and even court ordered to take the stuff. Altho they never drug tested me to make sure it did. Anyways, I was pretty damned happy and all about everything at that time even if I was abusing whatever at any chance I got, I wasn't into doing stuff daily thanks to lack of funding. Hmmm...anyways my OCD has never bothered me much at all, in fact I can't remember if anything's ever bothered me much even when I would go for months at a time and the first thought when waking up was envisioning myself with a shotgun in my mouth. And that led to me going into long drawn in between crying and crap but I don't think I did a lot of that but hell if I know it's just been 3 or 4 years ago and it seems like an entire lifetime away. Maybe I'm blessed with not being able to remember crap or maybe it's just my self prescribed regimen of whatever.

Anyways before I ramble for 3 pages I would like to say why this post caught my attention. About a year and a half ago I went to live with my aunt and uncle, kinda just a vacation from the shit I'd been around cause I was starting to "go off" on a regular basis and getting myself into more trouble than should be allocated for a single year of hellraising. And she wouldn't let me drink more than 3 or 4 beers a day so I decided to go to a doctor for various anxiety and blah blah maybe depression and not being able to sleep worth a damn since it was the least alcohol I'd been used to in 4 or 5 years and blah blah. Anyways. Yah. Wait...I'm still not getting to the point...anyways...POINT IS, I was going to that doctor for awhile and taking seroquel, lamictal, and lithium. Anyways I was fine taking these until my aunt decided that she should be in control of them and dispense them to me at the appropriate times. And I hadn't abused any of these at all or taken more than prescribed at any given time, altho I admit I liked the pleasant effects of seroquel, and I did chew the seroquel up so technically I guess that's kinda like abusing it or something. Hell it just works faster who cares. Anyways. Yah...acting like I was incapable of taking my own goddamned medication just cause I have a serious past of abusing whatever under the sun as far as catching a buzz goes. Hmm. I was ok with it when she would gimme my pills on time, but it would KILL me if she would have company and give them to me in front of guests. OHHHHHHHHHHH! Like I could've been in the living room jacking off and let them watch and not been as embarrassed as her giving me DOCTOR PRESCRIBED PILLS in front of people. But mostly what set me off was when her son, my first cousin and awesome as hell, we were going to a rooster fight and I was gonna spend the night and she had already given me my nightly dose to take and as we're leaving she says "Bubby don't forget to take your medicine! see ya tomorrow!" And she's totally nice about it and has no idea that it kills me. But I have much respect for my cousin and for some reason taking crazymeds instead of just mindless self medication with alcohol and various opiates and benzos just wrecked me. So that's why I stopped seeing my doctor and taking my meds. Was bad enough with random idiots that I didn't give a shit about, but my cousin knowing I was slightly off in the head, which I'm sure he knew before, but I don't mind being off as long as I'm handling it myself and not relying on a doctor. And yah mostly glad you posted this cause I had been wondering why I had quit seeing that doctor anyways. Just hadn't crossed my mind in awhile. I was almost pissed for a minute but it passed.

Oh, I USED to wash my hands to the point of cracking and bleeding, cause I was paranoid as shit about germs...but then after I became a cigarette junkie and shared smokes with friends I completely abandoned the idea that germs could hurt you. Yah. Used to wash at least 20 times a day. Mom took me to a dermatologist when I was like 11 and they said the only thing wrong with my hands was I washed my hands too much. Lalala.

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