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i just don't know anymore. y'all heard my crap over and over. i just don't seem to come up with an answer. you may know this already, but read end.

since at least college, i have had a poor memory.

i have always had trouble talking to other people.

sometimes i can say something long and perfect. other times, its like my brain stutters.

my short-term memory is even worse than it was. i start doing something and i have to stop and think what it is i am doing. (i attribute that to the meds)

i can look directly at something and say the wrong thing.

hard word recall.

no focus, concentration.

no ability to "get it". detached from reality.

can't make decisions worth a damn.

physical fog in head.

people talk gibberish to me.

just thought of another, but i'll be damned if i can't remember it. it only stays in there a few seconds.

can't say something right the first time. always backtrack and bring up subject again. if not, replays over and over in head.

okay, so what is bipolar, what is not? if some of this happened way before a mania, is it still attributed to bipolar?

add? tried adderall. should i try some other add drug?

aap? no luck on all 5, will not try older ones. unless y'all say its okay. see, can't decide.

thank you for listening to me over and over again. i am at a standstill.

my plan is to write this stuff up and mail to the neurologists in the area. say something like, ok, if you are even the least bit fascinated by this stuff or feel you have an idea of the problem, please let me know.

i will never give up because i know who i am on the inside, but i feel trapped inside my head. i will not live this way. i think this is how people go mad. very aware inside, but can't express on the outside.

your thoughts and ideas are greatly appreciated. i really don't know if its just plain ole bp or something more.

thank you!

kathy

oh, anyone know of a good neurologist in the atlanta, ga area?

i swear i edit this thing 2 or 3 times!

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I'm afraid I haven't had enough meds experience to know if they are causing it or what you should try, but you are describing exactly how I feel for much of the time. I'm Bipolar so all these concentration/memory problems may well be a feature. Have you thought about it possibly being ADD? Apparently many Bipolars also have this. (If you've mentioned this elsewhere and I've missed it, I apologise)

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thought bipolar was often mis-dx'd for add. Whatever. My attention span etc etc has been shot to shit for a while, too. I dunno if it's the meds or just th eprogressive damage from so many years untreated bipolar. Yeah, that's right, this shit can eat your brain.

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a neurologist specializing in psych matters, or a Neuropsychologist ( a PhD psychologist with training in neurology and psychiatry). Neuropsychologists specialize in testing and evaluation of all sorts of brain injuries and functional stuff. I was very impressed with the one I saw.

You pdoc should be guiding you in such matters if appropriate. Otherwise ask your Gp.

I wouldn't bother writting case sumaries and mailing them to docs. The system doesn't work that way, they don't have time to read cases and reply for free. You need to make an appointment for either an evaluation or brief consult to discuss your situation.

good luck.

a.m.

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If it's any consolation, most of what you describe I can relate to. It's cognitive impairment and I have had it since I started on BP meds. Lithium makes you pretty stupid, at least it did for me. I'm still stupid, so something in my current cocktail is still effecting my cognition, with lithium gone. I'm hoping it will improve over time. I feel like my brain is having to relearn basic things.

Do you need a neurologist? I would think a good psychopharmacologist would suffice. A neurologist might be overkill, considering it all might boil down to a simple med adjustment. I'm sure there must be some cocktails you haven't tried yet, certain combinations. There are so many.

It know it feels like it's taking forever to sort this bipolar crap out, but if others can find stability then it has to possible for the rest of us. Do i sound like Tony Robbins? I hope not. Ok, I will stop babbling now.

Dee XO

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I'm going to mirror AM here and suggest you visit said Neuropsychologist. Your GP, Pdoc, and/or Tdoc should be able to refer you to one in your area. All else failing, there is a top-notch clinic on the other side of your state. ;-)

...said clinic determined that because my own brain dysfunction could not be localized to any specific area, that it was psychogenic. And suggested I should get off Lamictal, which apparently is another part of the problem. but anyways.

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I do agree with AM that a neuropsych is a good idea. A neurosych evaluation is often the step to go if med adjustments haven't been working or if it seems like something just isn't right. [i don't know how else to put it.] It can help figure out if there are deficits in cognition and/or memory.

Your psychiatrist should be able to help you with that.

[Neurologists would likely be interested in seeing a neuropsych evaluation if nothing comes from that and it comes time that you need to see one.]

LR

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thank you! i will definitely ask my pdoc on tues. looks like a Neuropsychologist it is!

my pdoc did tell me i could get a second opinion. she told my about dr. jeffrey kelsey. i don't know what kind of doctor he was, but he could have told me what meds to take. he passed away and left 3 referrals. lost those, will call his nurse again. maybe he was what i needed?

well, i will definitely be researching that. thank you for your help. it helps me narrow down what kind of doctor i need to go to.

thanks again! will keep you updated!

oh, if anyone followed, my withdrawal from geodon was pretty ok.

kathy

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