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having trouble eating


abifae

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okay, this is totally stupid.

i know i have eating disorder issues. i'm finally eating well and happy with my body.

i quit eating refined sugar and lost ten pounds. i got most of it back and then got pneumonia and lost the rest of that ten again, and a bit besides.

i look gross. absolutely disgusting. i was stupid enough to try on a bra today (i desperately need one) and was so disgusted that i can't eat. i feel that nauseated from seeing myself in a full length mirror. my boobs look deflated. (i did get two sports bras - doesn't matter what size i am in those)

so if the whole problem is the lost weight, and i know i need to gain it back, and i'm going to the gym again (slowly slowly!) to get back the muscle mass and get my lungs in shape again.... why is my first reaction to be too upset to eat?

isn't that the OPPOSITE reaction i should be having?

i keep having this urge to see how small i can get, which happens anytime i drop below 150... i don't know why that's the magic number, but since it is also the number at which my blood sugar becomes difficult to control through diet, i think my body and emotions are affecting each other at that weight.

i KNOW i need to eat. in fact, i WANT to eat. i like how i look at 160-165. so why can't i?

abi

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey girl,

I think your hormones are messing with you. It makes your brain cooties even more weirded out. So brain cooties plus unstable blood sugar plus eating disorder history plus....well...you get the idea.

From what you told me that "Let's see how small we can get" voice is partially coming from your mother. You need to have the crowd tell that voice exactly where to go.

If you only seem to be able to eat a small amount, make sure whatever you eat is packed with nutrition. I know you like sweet potatoes....nuke one. Treat yourself to some fun stuff too. Let the littles lose in the kitchen if you need to.

If even starting to eat something is difficult, time to generate some good food smells. Cook stuff for Nate or your sisters and see if you get hungry.

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I Have a problem eating from the opposite end. I was 115 and was happy in my size 4 clothing (still have a closet full of them) I started on the pill run around and mood stabalizers just slaughtered me...then my thyroid failed and I blimped up to 190...I'm not sure what I weigh right now. Weighing myself is a sure way to put me in a suicidal/SI fit. I am obsessed with eating as little as possible and some days don't eat anything. I hate what I look like and cannot even look in the mirror some days. I'm loosing weight and taking Hoodia but I look awful. i've never had a pot belly before. ICK ! I understand. I dream of being as thin as I can get and love the gaunt look on myself. Yaacova, I don't want to eat either. And I want a boob lift too. I look like a hag with my droopy boobs and belly.

Abi , sweet, you need to eat to recover your BS balance...having your blood suger all out of wack is not healthy and I'm worried for you. Eat healthy ok?

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all i can think to say is basically to echo wz- try to tempt yourself, especially with your baked treats, and make sure that what you do eat makes an impact on your nutrition and blood sugar. smell is really important in triggering hunger- she's right that the good smells in the kitchen should make you hungry. if nothing else, you have to taste the food you're making, and that's some calories!

if you have to, just set aside something small, yet nutritious, and make yourself eat it. maybe if you start to eat, you'll want to eat more.

i go through my periods of feast and famine too. sometimes i'm ok with my body and sometimes not. now i am, but i'm eating what i want and maintaining an ok weight (i'm 118lbs and 5'4). sometimes i want to weigh about 100, but for my body type that wouldn't look good or be a good idea. and my bras wouldn't fit, and then i'd have to buy new ones, and that would piss me off! ;)

good luck! tell us how you're doing with getting back into the eating groove!

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i'm not sure if we got far enough over being sick, or far enough from the antibiotics, or if it was going to the gym again.... but the metabolism is going nuts now.

i feel nauseatingly hungry about every three hours. i don't have to eat a LOT (a cup of milk and an apple with peanut butter, or half a sandwich or something) but i have to eat THEN. sigh. here's hoping i even back out soon. i like eating every four hours, something small, and i wasn't starving when the four hours hit, just a bit hungry.

i woke up three times last night for food.

;)

abi

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  • 1 month later...

Just chirping in. Anti-biotics tend to kill off all bugs and such and you have a certain amount of good bugs and bacteria that you need in you guts. If you can find some all natural yogurt, it does help establish a healthy working tummy again. You can flavour yogurt a lot of healthy ways so let your pallet be your guide ;)

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