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Rationality in Love


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I've always held that it's impossible for people to really know each other. We know bits and pieces, glimpses and fragments. We fill in the gaps with what we want them to be or what we we hope they are. Some say we fill in the gaps with what we see they have the capacity to become. I think that's bit too optimistic. It boils down to falling in love figments of our imagination over and over again. Since we're not psychic, we really have no other choice. We form mental images of someone superimpose it on top of the person that is actually there.

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I've always held that it's impossible for people to really know each other. We know bits and pieces, glimpses and fragments. We fill in the gaps with what we want them to be or what we we hope they are. Some say we fill in the gaps with what we see they have the capacity to become. I think that's bit too optimistic. It boils down to falling in love figments of our imagination over and over again. Since we're not psychic, we really have no other choice. We form mental images of someone superimpose it on top of the person that is actually there.

Also, courting behaviour can differ radically from every day, real-life behavior. Most of us try to present the best front with people we like. Only later do we share ourselves more openly, in most cases.

Tommy

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Hi All:

I think "love" is more than just a feeling. its also the actions one takes to declare and appreciate the other.

IDK...I thought I was happily married. and that love also has a boringness to it - but sticking together through all kinds of external crap (miscarriages, car accidents, ect) should resolve it. well, h thought differently.

I still view love the same way.

db

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Yeah, I think I am still in love with my ex although I hated how we were as a couple. He just wasn't around. Maybe if he changes... but that is not so likely.

Anywho - just wondering. I may tend to be overly romantic and idealistic when it comes to relationships. Defense mechanism?

It's not a many splendored thing - it's a confusing as hell thing.

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i'm with VE on this one. i think that we tend to see the other person as we want to see them, and not for who they are. they could even present us with evidense that they are one way, yet we will still make excuses for them and say to ourselves that they are the person we want them to be. we fill in the blanks when we don't really know them- know the complete them- because that is impossible. i think as we mature and unfold in time and know each other longer (as in long-term relationships), some of that idealism fades and that's when the work of relationships begins.

i also believe the premise that we love people sometimes who are unavailable to us, because we don't really want to commit to anyone. this was brought up to me during my own battles with my current relationship.

and i'm with db on this one too- love is more than a feeling and words, it is proof in actions. you can't love someone when you just claim to love them and feel some sort of infatuation for them, but don't act out of love. i'm also dealing with this one in a current relationship.

i think you should try to forget about your ex. there are valid reasons why you broke up! you're better off now than with a loser who doesn't deserve you.

loon

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Is this even possible? It seems like most people I know marry or are with people who it makes no sense for them to be with. What's up with this?

GD my ex.

One of my quandrys in life is "why does God give you love for those you should not love and those that you should love you can't". I can not relate how my wonderful women I have met and dated but there was no love there from me. No feelings at all. But I still love the one who moved. I will go to my grave loving her.

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