blackbird Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for the amount of rambling and dumping I have done on you guys the past few days but I am a desperate woman. The Zyprexa works really well for my psychosis but it has given me the most enormous fucking appetite known to man. I want to eat eat eat all around me from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed. When I fall asleep, my only dreams are of food. My appetite cannot be satisfied - it's like a switch has gone off in my brain, my bulimia is completely out of control and all I can think about is food - how to smuggle it into the house, how to conceal how much I am eating, purging in secret. It is absolute agony, I spend all day in thrall to food when I should be studying or planning my career. I went to the GP and she said "exercise some self-control", my p-doc said "stick a picture of yourself when you were thin on the side of the refrigerator" but I am genuinely 100% fucking famished all the time - it's all I can think about! I've had enough of Zyprexa - I can't live this way anymore, I am going to taper myself off the damn stuff, fuck it, psychosis would be easier to live with than this shit, I'll maybe go back on abilify and try to cope being semi-psychotic. I'm only adding to my mother's problems with this bulimia crap, she is going to kick me out of the house and none of my sisters will take me in. I pulled myself together with alcoholism but I can't seem to pull myself together as far as food is concerned. Besides thinking about food 24/7 I also yearn to overdose - not particularly kill myself but lose a couple of days away from this misery. I don't know what the purpose of this rant is, all I know is I am at my wit's end and barely holding it together. blackbird x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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