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Is it worth it?


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I just feel like giving up. I don't want to go into a poor me rant, but right now I'm back to being depressed.

I feel like the medicine is not working. I'm cutting again, and its hurting my loved ones so much. Lately I've been out of control. I got into a fight with my fiance this past weekend because he hurt my feelings, so I hit him and pushed him. I'm snapping at everybody. My anxiety is off the wall. Maybe its just the holidays..

November I had so many up's and down's. One day I was great, then the next I was down. I had psychosis, and a few times I felt "out of it", almost like out of my body and not even doing anything consensually(sp).

I am blaming everything on myself and have the constant thoughts that he wants to leave me.

I'm at the point of where I don't care anymore, I don't care if I live or die. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm even having problems taking care of myself.

I seem to think just because I'm on meds, everything will be better. I'm worried to tell my P-Doc this because I don't want another hospital stay.

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If you aren't doing well, then your meds need adjusting. There IS a med combo that will work for you.

If you don't tell your pdoc, HONESTLY, how bad you feel, and what is going on, then you have little hope of getting better. You are deliberately sabotaging yourself.

If you tell your doc what is going on and he says you need to go to the hospital, go to the hospital. The alternative? "Gee, I'd rather be on the misery roller coaster and force my family and friends along for the ride".

Call your pdoc first thing tomorrow. Hope you feel better soon.

a.m.

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You need to tell you pdoc at least some of it. Are you seeing a therapist? You can't expect things to get magically better on their own. You've got to do something. I would say tell all, but you mentioned you were 17 in another post so I can understand your reluctance. For future reference, it's my impression that adult wards suck a lot less.

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You need to tell you pdoc at least some of it. Are you seeing a therapist? You can't expect things to get magically better on their own. You've got to do something. I would say tell all, but you mentioned you were 17 in another post so I can understand your reluctance. For future reference, it's my impression that adult wards suck a lot less.

I stopped seeing my therapist since I came out of the hospital October 2006. I stopped seeing her because she's sick and left. I have gone through so many shitty therapists then I got her, she helped a lot. We were just getting to skills and stuff, and now she's gone. So many times I've hated her then loved her. I feel so abandoned by her for leaving. I know it sounds so horrible for me to say that.

I know I have to do something, but sometimes I feel like I'm not worth it. I'm so scared to tell my Pdoc what is wrong, because of the hospitalization and the fear of another diagnosis. I know its silly being scared of a new diagnosis, but lately they have been popping up on me. I want to me a "normal" person. I tried to talk to my mom about all this, but she won't listen and it makes me feel like the pdoc won't listen. I have a hard time trusting people and now I am starting to open up and telll my pdoc things, but its hard.

I know my pdoc really cares about me, she's always asking my mom how I'm doing, and going out of her way to help me out.

- If I do get hospitalized again, I'm going to talk to my pdoc about letting me go on the adult ward. Its only 3 months until I am 18 years of age. I've lived on my own for 9 months, I'm done with school. And I've been around nothing but adults. My "Friends" are adults.

My hospitalization exerance in Oct. was horrible. I couldn't relate to any of the kids there, they all ran away and do drugs and everything. 3 girls came in 3 days apart and they all were friends and wanted to get out of school so thats why they were there. They kept laughing at my "problems" and called me names. They'd sit nex to me and scream for no reason to get attention, and they also made fun out of me by pretending like they were seeing things, becauase they heard me tell a doctor that I seen things. It was also nothing but a hook up place. Girls were making out with eachother, boys wanted in on the action. And one boy was making sexal gestures to me. They all thought they were there to have fun and find a new boyfriend or girl friend. It was horrible! Thats why I am scared to go back.

I'd complain to the staff but they can only do so much.

I think I'd be much better around adults. And the staff that works with the adults are very nice.

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My hospitalization exerance in Oct. was horrible. I couldn't relate to any of the kids there, they all ran away and do drugs and everything. 3 girls came in 3 days apart and they all were friends and wanted to get out of school so thats why they were there. They kept laughing at my "problems" and called me names. They'd sit nex to me and scream for no reason to get attention, and they also made fun out of me by pretending like they were seeing things, becauase they heard me tell a doctor that I seen things. It was also nothing but a hook up place. Girls were making out with eachother, boys wanted in on the action. And one boy was making sexal gestures to me. They all thought they were there to have fun and find a new boyfriend or girl friend. It was horrible! Thats why I am scared to go back.

Shit, I don't blame you for not wanting to go back there. What sort of asshole doctors send kids there that clearly have no reason to be there? I hope things work out for you.

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Well I am feeling no depression today. I'm extremely happy today. My mom and I had an argument today(its already 10am) because I went to sleep at 5am last night and got up at 8:40am, and I'm not tired and I won't shut up. I'm just so excited because I have so many ideas for my book, so I'm writing my book today.

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that is the beautiful roller coaster ride we all have to live with. with the right medications, we don't feel it nearly as much. it sounds like you made a nice cycle there, from a depression, even psychotic depression, to a hypomania.

your med combo obviously isn't doing what it needs to do. i know it is hard to open up, but the person in the world who has to know is your pdoc. without your pdoc, you can't get the right meds that you need.

you could probably avoid a hospitalilzation, hopefully, unless you're suicidal (in which case go to the nearest ER), if you get a med change now.

don't let your mom being mad at you about your moods get to you. short sleep hours are a part of hypomania, just another symptom. it isn't your fault.

i hope this good feeling can carry you through until your new meds kick in. it is a lot less dangerous to feel good (as you are now, not higher) than it is to be suicidal.

your pdoc just needs to know and help will be on the way.

loon

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