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Isolating myself, a little bit down


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Hello folks. Well, my depression has been getting bad again, and I've been isolating myself. It's strange because I feel so lonely, but even so I don't make much of an effort to make friends, or when I do, I avoid seeing them (I'm usually not in the mood) or let it fizzle out over time. Sigh.

I've been feeling down on myself even though things have been going quite good. School has been going really well, and I'm doing an internship and my supervisor really likes me. I've also started seeing a wonderful guy. So why do I feel so rotten?

First off, rather than enjoying my relationship I let it cause me all sorts of anxiety. I'm worried to let him see all of my "stuff" because it could scare him off. However, he has had a history of depression (worse than mine; he's had a lot of loss in his life) so I hope he will not be too scared. Anyway, this relationship arouses a lot of fears because I am seeing myself becoming very dependent on him for my social life (I always do this because it's so much easier than pushing myself to meet new people) and because I have low self esteem and can't possibly believe that I am good enough for him.

Well, maybe I need a new year's resolution. I know that if I would do aerobic exercise every day I would feel light years better...but I just can't seem to force myself to do it. Exercise has always been a chore to me and I never seem to manage to fit it into my life. I'll try...but then something always comes up or I'm "too busy." But I think I need to start because the depression is really dragging me down, and I'm afraid to become a shut-in with no friends. But it is SO HARD to exercise!

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I feel you on this!

It's so amazing to me how when facets of my life can be going very well and depression is STILL able to creep in.

BUT, look at it this way, yes these are all good things you got going on...but even with good change, that is stress.

And stress requires adaptation, and our brains have trouble with that.

I'd say as far as feeling the need to hide your symptoms from your man....well if you do that, the two of you will never have a chance at real intimacy. If he is the person you spend the most time with, then you should be able to be the real you around him. And if he cannot accept the real you, well then you shouldn't be wasting your time with him.

But I understand the fear behind all that, cause I used to be the same way.

Hang in there. Do nice things for yourself...baths, lighting candles, find ways to relax and keep coming to CB for support.

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Hi

I get depressed when good things are happening sometimes, too. In fact, I get depressed when sort of good things are happening, or when nothing much is happening, or when too much is happening...it just kind of, well, happens. If you're anything like me, it could be related to the weather or the holidays or just anxieties about stuff in general or maybe even chemical changes...who knows.

One thing that I noticed in your post, though, was your idea for a resolution. I wonder if that is a good idea. When I get depressed and then come up with big ideas of how I'm going to pull myself out, some "plan" or whatever, sometimes that can just set me up for failure and then my depression slides that much farther down.

I think themind had some good ideas...doing nice things...relaxing...whatever you like...instead of a big plan to pull you out. Because the holidays and new relationships are stressors and that's enough, I think maybe. Maybe?

I'm just saying these things because I feel down now myself, too, and I'm trying to reach out...I know it totally sucks to feel this way.

Sallie

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