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Musician Breaks Into House


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My little county has two newspapers. The respectable one publishes twice a week and scratches for news. The second paper is a rarity in this modern age that publishes once a week. It is an old fashioned muckraking scandal sheet. Not an arrest occurs that doesn't get recorded with snarky comments, and it has a column dedicated to how the Yankees have ruined the county. Did you know that damn Yankees are responsible for the uncivil manners at the courthouse whereby visitors are searched and forced to walk through a magnetometer? Why polite Southerners know that you only shoot people on the front lawn at 10 paces. ;)

This weeks best story is pure comedy with a tragic ending. Summarized:

A gentleman arrived home to find a broken window, a strange man passed out on his couch and his year and half old yellow lab shaking uncontrollably. The police were called and upon arrival roused the man who told them to F* off, and then proceeded to fight until he was subdued. The man turned out to be a local musician who broke into the house, ate $40 worth of dog biscuits with peanut butter, put a burrito into a vertical toaster, tore a telephone book in two, and sprayed ketchup into all of the kitchen cabinets. Oh, did I mention that the burglar was wearing no pants or underwear and was smeared with feces?

An unidentified aquaintance called the musician "A lost cause", who earlier in the evening showed up at a nearby friends house with the intention of destroying the contents. He was so obnoxious that the friends beat him and physically threw him out of the house.

The sad part is that it appears the burglar severely beat the dog, who showed bruises that night and was found dead the next morning. Police intend to press animal cruelty charges in addition to burglary and theft.

a.m.

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Hi AM:

You wrote:

Did you know that damn Yankees are responsible for the uncivil manners at the courthouse whereby visitors are searched and forced to walk through a magnetometer? Why polite Southerners know that you only shoot people on the front lawn at 10 paces.

Damn Straight!!! ;)

Here in liberal CA, my mom works for an "independent" newspaper. independent in the sense of the word that the owner-editor-writer digs far and wide for a story. my mom does office type stuff. but she enjoys it - always an interesting story...

and yes, i hope "the law" in your area charges that guy with everything possible.

democratically yours,

december

(fyi - i am one of those liberal democrats....I just like to pretend being a gun-owning southerner).

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that is really such a weird, sad story. i hope that stuff doesn't go on often! especially it is really sad that the dog died. that guy must have been a real jerk.

here we have a couple of local newspapers, one of them being one that scrapes for news on a weekly basis. on the cover last year was a bald eagle, with a whole front page article describing that these people saw the eagle in a park here. ??? later in the paper, near the end, was some real news about our tax relationship with the other cities in the county when it comes to paying for infrastructure.

but that guy...must have had a few screws loose. was he on drugs?

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