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So Frustrated! My Whining


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hiya-

i'm on SSDI now, and i'm very frustrated that i'm not normal, and can't do normal people things like go to work, hold down a real job, and all that goes with it. i just yearn for the days when i'd get up when the alarm went off in the morning, get ready and out the door, and come home at 5. nevermind that i was unemployed half the time due to my disorders.

i really need to be on SSDI. there are very real and pressing reasons for me to be on it, and i understand that. but it doesn't stop me from wishing, from wanting to do my 9-5 routine.

do any of you feel that way too? are you depressed, frustrated, or angry that your role as a worker isn't there anymore, and can't be?

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Actually yes.

I'm totally pissed off. I feel useless. I really have nothing to show for breathing and being awake every day.

Someone asked me how I spend my days.

I don't really know.

Not being a productive member of society, that's for damn sure.

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I'm sure there are a lot of us here that are very sensitive about work or lack thereof. It is probably my #1 provoker of neuroses.

Anyway, most people here have disorders that are at times disabling. It sucks because we're smart and capable people and so we think we should be able to handle anything that normies can in spite of our emotions and/or perceptions of reality running wild. Part of it, for me, is the fear that I will be negatively judged by future employers and be shut out of most careers because my record is not nearly as impressive as I think it would be if I didn't have these problems. But, I mean, what can you do about that? All you can do is go for what you want, and even if you don't reach your goals, you'll feel better for having tried than not having tried at all. I think I read somewhere that there are studies that show that people actually enjoy the process of going for a goal more than the actual attainment of it.

But yeah I'll stop blathering on now. That probably wasn't even related to what you are talking about. My main point was to say I'm underemployed too and I feel you.

I want to be a normal little worker bee but it's really hard because I'm a little nuts. Try not to be too hard on yourself about it.

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Hi!

I think the stars aligned so that we all thought about this on wed.

i discussed this very subject with my tdoc on wed. will write more about it on my springer thread.

loon - at least you are able to get out of the house and go to work at the gas station. that says A LOT. and it is an improvement. at least you are trying and hopefully this will be a success and one day you can get another, higher paying, corporate-like job (if thats what you want). or you will be able to do anything.

my tdoc was all about "hope for the future" stuff today....so i guess im repeating him.

be well,

december

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thanks all-

i'm not alone in feeling useless and terrible for being on disability. it is necessary, but painful to admit and to actually do. i want to put on my work clothes and go to work and just be normal, but i'm crazy and can't do that.

db- thanks! yeah, working at the gas station is hard for me. even the hours- i work 20 hrs/week. i'm sure a lot of it is the stress of learning a new job and the pressure of a fast-paced work environment

let's all hope that we can get our stuff settled soon and achieve our goals!

i know there are vocational programs available to help us get our skills up to par so when we do reenter the workforce, that we have updated skills to show for our time out of the workforce. we never have to tell anyone we were on disability, just that for whatever reason we took a break, got some education, and went back to work. if we're ever well enough to work. if not, that's ok too, and accepting that is a part of my problem. what if i can never work again? i'm just hoping that medicine will improve enough and i'll be stable long enough to hope for such a thing.

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Don't beat yourself up about disability and only working part time. Holding down any job is an achievement and a step to a future in which you can work full time. In the future your tax dollars will go into providing another sick person with disability benefits, so don't feel guilty about taking benefits. Take all the help you are offered and concentrate on getting well. You'll soon be able to do what it is that you want to do.

blackbird x

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Historical Perspective....

With your illness, what would be happening to you 200 years ago? 100 Years ago? 50 years ago?

There is no shame in having an illness and taking care of it and just doing the best you can. I am just so glad things have progressed from the dark ages. Sure we have a long way to go, but look at where things were.

On behalf of all overtaxed self employed people, I am happy that some of my tax dollars are actually helping people who really need it.

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