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fear of holiday weight gain...


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Ok, so, yeah... here we go. this is a little hard for me since i usually feel so bad about posting about anything bothering me, but i shall try. oh, and the ambien is starting to hit....

There is no way that I can disclose *everything* right now... it is long and incorporates too many issues, really....

I feel like I am being an idiot! I came home from school for Chanukka / Christmas and the first thing i did was start eating and eating and eating.I'm home until mid-January and will be experiencing a great deal of situations where i will be around lots of food that is not really good for me. I....I don't know...

I have lost what one might call a decent amount of weight, although it is still not enough for me, and I continue to do so.... until *now* maybe. I mean, it probably would not be the greatest idea to go into the whole ordeal as to how I lost the weight at the moment.... I know I am a bad person, I realize that... i suck. If I go into daily binges *here*, though, I'm going to be screwed. I do have an emotional eating issue for example, oh, among other things, so binging is most definately in the cards... I don't know what I am even saying.

I have been home for 3 days and I believe that I have gained 2lbs. It is really hurting me and I don't know what to do with myself or how to deal with myself. I CAN'T gain weight.... fuck.... i suck. I feel like everything will fall apart if I gain back weight.... I can't let that happen, I just don't know what I am going to do in this environment filled with temptation *AND* reasons for emotional binging.... I CAN"T gain back.... omg, I know that I sound bloody fucking ridiculous....

i'm sorry. i probably had a point, but the ambien stole it. i'm sorry for wasting your time... really very sorry...

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I think trying to deny yourself might make things worse in a way. Can you substitute, say, cookies made with wholewheat flour and stevia (or other healthier ingredients) instead of trying to not have ANY cookies? Possibly make yourself a spread of your favorite fresh fruits (don't look at the price tag at the store, just buy what you love) and some lowfat yogurt dip...something along these lines?

If you are emotional eater, and holidays also trigger the eating possibly subbing healthier foods and not trying to starve youself may give you better results.

I know that I know nothing about ED, just throwing this out as an idea. If I am offbase, let me know.

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what you are saying makes sense... it really does. I just don't do it. My mother has high calorie things in the house and I go for them. intellectually, i know what i should be doing, but i just can't. Then i go back to not eating... then binge.... cycle...

I am just dead afraid overall of gaining weight. I want to lose more, not gain. I guess one can say that I have lost a significant amount to what i was, say, 6 months ago... and then even just in the last 2 months... i don't know.... but i feel i need more, i want more. I am really really afraid... desperately so.... i feel like if i gain instead of losing, i will die.

i don't know. i guess that there probably isnt anything anyone can say to me, but.... i don't know. i am really scared....

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Can you get your mothers help with this in any way? Will she cook smaller quantities, fewer items, enough to feed the people coming by and nothing more, lower the calories, keeping you diverted? What about cutting all available food in half and freezing the lot before the urge to eat it takes place? Or how about not being around the food at all by going elsewhere? What about choosing to eat a predetermined quantity and sticking to it? What about eating all the food only while you are walking around the block. What about not being alone at vulnerable moments - Like going to a movie and falling asleep as soon as you get home? Just trying to brainstorm ideas with you? It does not have to be all or nothing. And there is no way to fail. If you do something you don't want to be doing you are allowed to be gentle with yourself afterwards. Can you take something like Metamusil to build up a full sensation before eating. Would that help? Or how about slowing down the eating that takes place by taking breaks inbetween spoonfuls? Does talking about this get triggery? I find if I eat lots of protien I get fuller than if I eat carbohydrates.

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I have definitely gained weight and am sure I have a pot belly where I didn't have much of one before. Damn. I ate what I wanted to when I wanted to, (no hideous binging, but just enjoying myself) and I have two last festive dinner occasions to go this weekend then I am done and back to normal food routines. I know the weight can come off, we can do it healthily, let's not beat ourselves over the head too much.

Amen to that, why not just enjoy yourself over Christmas and return to the straight and narrow come 2nd January. Yes, I will be returning to Atkins ;) I can't wait til the holiday season is over, Christmas is no pleasure these days, it's like an endurance marathon!

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