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I am 16 and I live in California.

Once or twice a month, I get this feeling of being detached from the reality around me. It usually happens when i'm in a social situation with more than 5 people my age around me. It's a disturbing feeling. One minute I am trying to listen to the conversations going on around me, the next I am standing rigidly, breathing deeply and trying to calm myself down. In this state, I can carry out normal tasks and activities and hold a conversation but it's weird. A general feeling of uneasiness and anxiety surround me, and my legs shake a little. I do things before I know i'm doing them. For example, my friend put his cigarettes on a table in front of me and left the room. I grabbed the carton and took out two cigarettes without thinking. Then I realized that they weren't my cigs so I put them back and waited for him to come back so I could ask him if I could bum a few.  Another time i've gotten these "reality attacks" was at a party. The feelings of anxiety and unwellness shrouded me so much I ended up sitting on the host's couch for the entire time, staring into space waiting for the bad feelings to pass.

This disease is costing me alot. My peers notice my odd behavior during these attacks and I have started to gain a bad reputation for it. If I don't do something soon then I will lose all my friends and possibly my sanity.

How do I make it stop?

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I have a little more to add.

When I was younger, I had issues with isolation and rage. After an argument with a close friend in 4th-5th grade, I stopped hanging out with kids my age and stayed home all the time, except for going to school. Whenever someone tried to intervene and bring me out of that life, I resisted, sometimes violently. (sometimes even towards my own family.)  Luckily, I came out of my shell towards the end of 8th grade and for the most part, became normal and began acting like a normal kid, and finally I was taken off all my meds (except Adderall) due to not showing any symptoms of serious mental illness anymore.

This past school year, (10th grade), I became a target for bullying at school and I fell into depression. One day, after putting up with months of teasing and torment, I finally snapped and beat the crap out of one of my bullies. This is something I had not done since my dark days of middle school, and as a result my family now thinks that I've reverted back to old behaviors.

My family doesn't know about the anxiety/disconnection issue i've been having but I'd like to raise the issue with my psychiatrist,  but I don't want him to bring it up with my parents. (My parents are both over 50 and very conservative.) If my parents knew that I had that issue, they would never treat me the same again and they'd probably discuss sending me to some sort of boarding school.

So, should I open up with this new issue, how would I keep it separete from my parents and my psychiatrist?

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I feel strongly that the school officials need to protect you from bullies.  If bullies were picking on my kid, I would be chewing the ass out of teachers, principal and parents of the bullies!  They would not have a moment of peace until the problem was resolved.  Bullying is a serious offense at my son

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I agree with Forrest, the school officials should protect you once they know of the abuse, and it is abuse.  I do not see that what you did was unreasonable in defending your self, as long as you tried to prevent it from happening and did not carry it to far.

I think if the abuse occurs again that you should tell your Principal ASAP and try and work within the system.

As far as your anxiety issues you really need to open up to your pdoc.

Mark

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sovietrussian,

First things first...welcome to CrazyBoards. There is a lot of knowledge and experience here and I think you will find answers and understanding.

My family doesn't know about the anxiety/disconnection issue i've been having but I'd like to raise the issue with my psychiatrist,  but I don't want him to bring it up with my parents. (My parents are both over 50 and very conservative.) If my parents knew that I had that issue, they would never treat me the same again and they'd probably discuss sending me to some sort of boarding school.

DO bring up the anxiety/disconnection issue with your psychiatrist, AND express your fears that this might push your parents over the edge and land you in boarding school. Discuss with your psychiatrist just how much to explain to your parents. Even though you are a minor, you still have a right to confidentiality unless you're unsafe. Chances are that your doc will be able to explain it in such a way that it makes sense and isn't too much for them to handle. Anxiety, while differing in form and intensity, is familiar to each and every human on this planet. Anxiety is by far the most commonly treated mental condition around.

Regarding the bullying, I truly feel for you. I know first hand how hard it is to contend with. Almost every adult you meet will say that you should tell a responsible adult and that they should protect you. In a perfect world that would be true. Hah! In a perfect world there would be no bullying in the first place. But it's a sad fact that school officials tend not to believe students and generally don't know the first thing about how to "protect" a student from abuse from other students. Many times, their well-meaning but inept handling of the situation just serves to make everything worse.

You didn't say whether you see a therapist as well as a pdoc. If you do, it would be a good place to bring up the bullying issue. There are ways to diffuse them before it gets to the point of violent self-defense. Since the bullying is definitely a source of anxiety, you should tell your pdoc about it.

Welcome, and please post anytime.

Greeny

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Guest Guest_sovietrussian_*

    I do see a therapist once a week through my school, but she is just there to give me advice on school issues and stuff. She's not that involved with my home life or anything outside school.  I have been in ED (emotionally disturbed) classes since sixth grade, so I do get little perks through the school district, such as on-site counseling (like i said before), but i'm not like the other kids in these classes. For example, i'm only in there two periods a day. The rest of my classes are regular ed. I lead an active social life outside of school and I have alot of friends.

My point is that I want to do what i've been doing and continue going through life like everyone does, without medication and having to deal with all the BS that comes along with it. (snooty doctors, counselors, social workers and tests). And from what i've done in the recent past without meds, I think i've come a long way and I deserve a chance to better myself without this "support system" that i've been given.

I'm not going to make a blanket statement and say that all psychiatrists, social workers and therapists are bad and only out to make a buck, but some of these people who were  assigned to work with me have been absolute pigs and were only out to label me and send me on my way with a bottle of prescription drugs. On the other hand, some of them geniunely wanted to help me and went out of their way to get me what I wanted. So, I've developed a love-hate relationship with psychiatrists and head doctors and it's hard for me to take what they're saying seriously based on their past actions.

So, my question is- How do I get around these emotional associations (does that make sense? lol) that I have to doctors and psychiatrists and get the help that I need, at the least amount of damage to me? Are there any alternatives I can use to combat my issues besides psychiatric drugs?

Thank you for replying.

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(Sorry, i wasn't logged in my last post.)

I do see a therapist once a week through my school, but she is just there to give me advice on school issues and stuff. She's not that involved with my home life or anything outside school.  I have been in ED (emotionally disturbed) classes since sixth grade, so I do get little perks through the school district, such as on-site counseling (like i said before), but i'm not like the other kids in these classes. For example, i'm only in there two periods a day. The rest of my classes are regular ed. I lead an active social life outside of school and I have alot of friends.

My point is that I want to do what i've been doing and continue going through life like everyone does, without medication and having to deal with all the BS that comes along with it. (snooty doctors, counselors, social workers and tests). And from what i've done in the recent past without meds, I think i've come a long way and I deserve a chance to better myself without this "support system" that i've been given.

I'm not going to make a blanket statement and say that all psychiatrists, social workers and therapists are bad and only out to make a buck, but some of these people who were  assigned to work with me have been absolute pigs and were only out to label me and send me on my way with a bottle of prescription drugs. On the other hand, some of them geniunely wanted to help me and went out of their way to get me what I wanted. So, I've developed a love-hate relationship with psychiatrists and head doctors and it's hard for me to take what they're saying seriously based on their past actions.

So, my question is- How do I get around these emotional associations (does that make sense? lol) that I have to doctors and psychiatrists and get the help that I need, at the least amount of damage to me? Are there any alternatives I can use to combat my issues besides psychiatric drugs?

Thank you for replying.

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Welcome S.R. ;)

Your posts struck a cord with me. I had lots of emotional issues through and including school and one of the best things was the school phsychologist. She gave me passes to get away from things (like out of classes when crying non-stop) and I have to say that now I'm older  I really think she saved my butt. At the time it didn't seem like such a big deal, but when I look back on it I'm really glad that such a person was in place for kids (and me specifically). Life was grim and not worth living till I was sent to her, just having someone not laugh at me and listen toall my B.S. was worth it.

I don't have any idea what's going on for you, but please try to make use of all the services made available. I think later on you might see some value in it (even if they ARE as*&&^holes. At least you would have tried to make it work.)

please post back and let us know how you are doing?

C@

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