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gatherings convincing me of social anxiety

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blah blah practice whatever.

shove it in yer ear.

i can't stop rehashing shit that happened the evening of the 23rd. the moments i found myself staring out at all the pretty talking going on. the times i ended up awkwardly trying to say something to someone. the moments even, that i seemed like i was doing just fine except inside i wasn't.

i have to choose my attendance carefully, because i think

for every one gathering i go to,

i skip three.

and the one i do go to, makes me sleep for a week.

yes indeed, i'm a one-in-four kind of gal.

so, if you invite me and i don't come, don't take it too personally.

merry fucking shit on a stick.


(thank goodness i didn't have to do reams of family)

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I used to drink a six pack before going out to be social anywhere and then drinking another twelve while there. I must say I had a pretty good time sometimes. The current gf really doesn't like when I do that and she doesn't like going out and being social a whole lot either. We stay home and sober.

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was that reams

or reems

of family

just being a smart ar$e here

sorry you had a sucky time

but you DID go

and that says alot!

I do think of all the comedians I've read about

that make money doing this "on" thing

that are terrified inside

sometimes that helps me get thru any forced socializing

but for the most part I don't even try

don't even care to try

so I salute your bravery

and wish you peace with your anxious musings

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coming on new years, i'm trying to decide whether to go to the party :cussing:

or do what i've wanted to do for years.. which is go someplace really really dark and really really quiet and look at the stars as the year changes over.

i just don't have anyone to do that with (that i would want to do that with),

and going alone feels sort of dangerous.

then again, so is ;) blowing my brains out with drugs and alcohol :) which is what i feel like doing at the party..

so maybe going alone into the countryside and sitting in some farm field or at some beach in the middle of nowhere isn't all that risky.. given the alternative (and the basically guaranteed results of such escapades)..


(please forgive the emoticons, i am feeling anxious and punchy and well, that's what happens)

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just gave me a great idea

how about an observatory

does anyone know if there's any open for the new year?

wouldn't that be a sweet place to be

leaning your neck back on a rocking seat and watching the stars move thru 2007?

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I like the stars idea, I would do that one, with a mobile phone and maybe a personal alarm and a torch for safety purposes.

good thought..

i might have ella do it with me, if the weather holds up. if it's cloudy or especially if it's raining, it won't really work.

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since some of us are in different time zones, that would likely work well, and yeah.

um, i'm not going to be able to take pictures of any stars. it's cloudy and rainy and ick.


IRC, cellphone with the lover, and a little parental yay.

i just woke up from a nap, so i should manage to stay awake.

thanks for the support, guys.

i'll log into IRC after dinner..

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