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39 days


Ophelia

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everything I do is wrong. I am a failure. I really want to cut. I am a fucking stupid, ugly, fat ass who has allowed myself to gain weight after being home for a week and a half... more than five pounds at least. God damn it. From about the end of May, I have lost around... it has to be about 30 lbs. And now it is going to be all for nothing. Everyone is telling me how great I look and I am just gonna gain again. I'm weak, I'm weak. I just got off the scale and all I want to do is eat and cut. Damn it to hell. I hate this. I just want to die. I wish I had the strength...

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everything I do is wrong. I am a failure. I really want to cut. I am a fucking stupid, ugly, fat ass who has allowed myself to gain weight after being home for a week and a half... more than five pounds at least. God damn it. From about the end of May, I have lost around... it has to be about 30 lbs. And now it is going to be all for nothing. Everyone is telling me how great I look and I am just gonna gain again. I'm weak, I'm weak. I just got off the scale and all I want to do is eat and cut. Damn it to hell. I hate this. I just want to die. I wish I had the strength...

i suck at advice i just wanted to tell you its 5 dont give up and throw in the towel on the other 25 already that would just suck even worse

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This is going to be a more eating related message, but I just wanted to say.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FIVE POUNDS.

As someone who's disordered behaviors surrounding weight included a compulsive need to weigh myself (I've gone months and months weighing myself 5-10 times a day, every time I go in the bathroom, etc) they're probably meaningless.

What were the conditions under the weighing? If you've been eating more or heavier food than normal, some of that weight is just the weight of food actually being in your stomach. Seriously. Your weight fluctuates up to 5 pounds in a day (and believe me I know this to be true and have witnessed it many a time) and if you get so caught up in those little numbers, you'll just drive yourself nuts. I remember times where I would pig out and actually continue to lose weight for a few days until it caught up with me and then all of a sudden I'd be gaining even though I wouldn't be eating anything. And then sometimes I'd have one small binge and gain 3 pounds that would fall back off after a couple of days. Your body does a lot of weird things and will use its resources in weird ways and like I said... when you get down to measuring only a few pounds (5 or so) the number starts to get really meaningless.

Try to take care of yourself. You are valuable, even if you can't see it right now.

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