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Hopeless- in BP Hell


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Adding to this post-

I feel even worse now! I just finished a shift on the crappy psychic site I work for and didn't get any private customers. The only way I get paid is if I have private customers, kind of like being a stripper and getting dances. I'm seriously considering turning to more controversial professions, like the oldest profession.

I've lost so many jobs due to being BP that I can't get new ones. My references suck. I need to pay my rent! I just don't know what to do. I don't want to get into that kind of job, but I just want to avoid living in a tent.

I just need to talk to somebody, so I guess it will be you guys.

First, my moods are oddly stable, except I feel such a panic/anxiety. I felt fine until my pdoc said I'd have to pay my past due or I couldn't see him. Then he wanted me to titrate off of Paxil and start Gabatril. I haven't heard of anyone else who has taken Gabatril for anxiety, so that freaks me out!

Also, my job is as an online psychic, and I don't make much money doing that. I am getting a roommate tomorrow because I can't pay my pathetic rent $525 alone. I can't pay for anything! I have no money! And all this because every time I have a more than minor mood issue I get canned from my professional computer jobs.

I feel alone in the world. I feel like no one feels like I do. My dad is in the grave because of BP and sometimes I fear so much that one day I'll do it and join him. I don't want to , but sometimes when I panic I understand what he felt like when he OD'ed on his psycho meds and left me with an estate in insolvency.

Is this the Paxil titration talking? I missed my dose yesterday, took a dose today, and that is all the Paxil I have unless I can come up with the $60 or so to buy my meds (unless I go give blow jobs on the street I'm not going to get this money).

And I've thought about that angle, becoming a "paid date". It is tempting when you feel like you have little to live for and you can't buy food.

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I don't know if it's just the Paxil problem talking, but we're here for you.

Where do you live?  Maybe there's a clinic that gives samples/free meds in your area...  I can try to find out, if you like.

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I'm so sorry that you're not feeling well. It may just be the come down from the paxil thats causing the problems. You're not alone. We're here for you. I hope you can, like Caligatia said, find a clinic that gives out samples. Maybe someone else on the board can give you more suggestions.

Lilie

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I have taken Gabitril for anxiety, it worked for a while but not as well as the klonopin did, I eventually switched back.

Are you BPI or BPII? Taking Paxil, an SSRi, seems risky for any BP. Too much of a chance for inducing mania in BPs. Are you on other meds as well?

Erika

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I'm not sure if this info is on the new site, but there was info on how to get free meds from pharm. co'.s I know where I live ,there is a clinic that will treat people who don't have any money. Also, you might check out disability. It also sounds like you need counseling. Talking and posting here is a good support, but it does not take the place of face-to-face, one-on-one counseling with a trained specialist. I would dig out your phone book and I bet you can find multiple resources to help you. In the meantime, hang in there. It WILL get better, I swear. Lots of hugs, Melissa

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BP1- I'm on Lamictal so the Paxil hasn't made me cycle or anything...

I called my pdoc and asked for samples. He is mailing them to me (don't ask why I can't just pick them up)...

So I'm feeling a bit better now...hopefully I won't go psycho- thanks for your help!

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I have gone on and off Paxil a few times, and I have always experienced withdrawal. Because of its short half-life, you can start to feel bad pretty quickly.

I'm glad you'll be getting some to tide you over. Don't give up. It's hard to think clearly when you are in the middle of a stressful time, and reacting to med changes.

I hope things ease up for you soon.

elaine

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Are you eligible for food stamps? It can't hurt to look into it. Start saving any pay stubs now - I know it's a hassle but you'll need them to apply for any kind of public assistance. I never thought I'd be on food stamps, but here I am.

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