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aack! don't know what to do

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okay, 2 options. stay home, go out with friends on new years.

i am so damn comfortable at home, but know if i went i would have fun.

its been a long time since i was out in such a crowd. i will be worried about feeling too claustrophobic.

i love to go out on new years and its been years.

want to start new year with comfort, no hangover (won't be, hardly drink). but, at the same time i think it will be good for me and i will have fun. i need to get out!

okay, stupid reason, but if i went out my straight hair would quickly turn into a frizzy mess because of drizzle. but, could just add water for more curls. don't want to start with curls.

aagh! willl have fun, will be claustrophobic. will be uncomfortable. my cup of tea.



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i'm envious that you have the choice! i'm fated to be here by myself when the ball drops.

if you really don't want to go out, then don't. if you feel that something insignificant like your hair would be an issue, then i think it is a sign that you don't really want to go out.

but it would be good for you!

how would it be good for you? you know there are a lot of drunks on the road, and it is a high time for accidents, not to mention cops randomly pulling people over for annoying tests. that's just one fun aspect of going out. (i've had to tell myself this several times so i don't feel like such a loser).

also, since you don't drink, a lot of the revels will start to seem stupid to you as everyone else gets drunker and drunker. usually being sober in a crowd of drunks is no fun, at least to me. i just get annoyed.

staying home you know you won't feel claustraphobic.

going out may be fun, and it may not be. staying home, you know what will happen. going out, you don't know. i think it comes down to if you want to go for the security or uncertainty.

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hmmm...i think security. i used to be able to go with uncertainty. i guess i was thinking i should at least try. but, i would rather go out on a night less crowded. but, i used to be able to handle it and have lots of fun.

see, pitiful! can't make a damn decision. leaning towards staying home. have until 9p to decide. oh, i have to meet them there, that sucks, but i can park at work and walk. ok, stay home, with option to decide later. it shouldn't be this hard!

thank you loon!


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I too am jealous that you have people to go out with. I seem fated to stay here playing uno wth my family until midnight.

But my advice-- do what you feel comfortable with. Set healthy boundaries. If you dont' feel comfortable drinking then dont' drink.

I think your hair is not what you are really worried about though. So maybe start by identifying what the real issues are here. Are you worried about what people think of you? Are you afraid of having fun? What are you worried about? Then deal with those real issues... but stop worrying about your hair. It will look fine straight or curly.

Either way have a great New Year!

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Here's my vote: Go Out.

Sometimes you have to make yourself go out when you 100% think you don't want to. You are already halfway there since 50% of you wants to. We are very adaptable creatures. The more you do something, the more you get used to it. Discomfort, let alone hypothesized discomfort, is a poor excuse. Having an episode is a good reason. Don't make excuses.

Even if you don't have a stellar time, you can congratulate yourself on making a baby step, an effort. Just don't go with explosive expectations. I usually find that I feel a little better after getting settled into having fun. You can always leave early. And who cares about frizzy hair? Your friends, if they are your friends, won't care. They want to share this with you, no matter what you look like.

This is not an ordeal. Don't turn it into one. Just be sure to take some emergency meds with you, benzos, aps, etc. I'm going out tonight and I plan to take my inderal and seroquel with me. Hopefully, I won't need them. And I don't plan to drink. I have a talent for getting high all by myself, lol.

Have fun, take it easy, there are no high stakes. New years comes but once a year. There's nothing to lose. Dip a toe.

Good luck,


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here's what went down...

i talked to my friend julia, who is actually a friend from work and this is the first we would have been doing something, and it sounded like she didn't even know if she was staying until midnight.

also, since it is an hour away, i really did not find someone to crash with afterwards.

it is also rainy and foggy here. but: you can wear short sleeves!!!!

i think i successfully talked myself out of it even though i still want to go.

i really think, in my heart, that if i lived downtown, i probably would have jumped at the chance. the distance is a real downer.

thank you for listening and helping me! i probably blew any kind of friendship i could have had with this girl. oh well.

i will be playing dominoes with my folks tonight. at least i enjoy it.

happy new years!


ps i really hate that the claustrophobia was an issue. i have always been able to go out on a busy night.

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