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nalgas

People and Talking and Norway and ARGH

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Have I ever mentioned how much people suck? I mean, they're great, because I'd be really bored without all the neat stuff some of them come up with, and I appreciate not having to grow my own food and make my own clothes from scratch and things like that, and there are a handful I really, really like to spend time with, but really, this whole thing where I have to interact with people on a daily basis is getting old.

Someone I hadn't talked to for over a year but used to talk to pretty regularly just showed up online. I really had no idea what to say, other than to give direct answers to direct questions. I never know what I'm supposed to say or what I'm expected to say or what's ok to say. I had wondered about stuff while he was gone, but I didn't think of any of it at the time while I was too busy not being sure what I was or wasn't supposed to say. I don't say some things because I don't know if I should, and I don't even think of/remember others while I'm worrying about that stuff.

Things like that even happen with people who are my friends, although depending on how well I know them, not as much so. Even with some people I see semi-regularly and have known for a while, I'm not always sure what things are ok or not or how I'm supposed to be, and I end up not telling a lot of people a lot of things or even talking to them in the first place because it's too complicated and there's too much stuff to worry about. It's scary even talking to my friends, sometimes.

He's from Trondheim (if I'm remembering right), if you were wondering about that part.

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I can completely understand where you're coming from. The daily basis of "what to say", "how to say it", "when to say it", "how fast should i talk (that gets me in trouble too)" gets really tiring. it hard knowing when its okay to say something and when its innappropriate. i usually just end up not talking at all. i have no solutions, but my ideas are to practice saying what you want to say in your head an analyze it. i tend to over analyze and miss the moment,but it takes time to get the take of it. as for telling people everything, thats a hard one. you end up looking rediculous sometimes, and it gets you into trouble with some people. just think before you speak. i dont know, im obsessed with analyzing things. especially social situations. it just gets tiring.

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I was gonna respond, cuz I saw it in your profile, and I was in your profile because you're in mine, like you visited or something (like the only one, too) not like I'm paranoid or anything, like, "YOU'RE in MY profile, that's the only reason I ended up in YOUR profile!"

But anyway, then I saw it was in the autistic section after I clicked on it and now I'm experiencing exactly what you're talking about...like, is it ok to say this? Is it ok to go, I know exactly what you're talking about, even though, as you very well know, I'm about as autistic as, well, Tom Cruise, maybe. Although, not quite as outgoing perhaps. A little more introverted but still, you know, not at all autistic.

But, yeah. I say the wrong thing and always go, "Was, that, like, not the right thing to say?" when people look at me funny.

I also say "like" a lot.

I analyze everything, too, but I still speak anyway. My mom used to tell me, "You should think before you speak." Finally, as an adult, I told her, "Mom. I do think before I speak."

I guess that's why what I say can sometimes be scary cuz, you know, I thought about it before I said it and decided it was okay to say.

Hi, nalgas. Have you seen my baby? I posted a link to my lame "babies 'n puppies" yahoo 360 blog. I don't know which is lamer. That it's about babies 'n puppies or that it's a yahoo 360 blog.

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i try really hard to think before i say something and while i'm analyzing it, it comes out my mouth anyway. so i just shrug and pretend i meant to say it.

i wish i could figure out how to cut the wire between my thoughts and my mouth because things just come out. it's easier online because even if i type it out, i can delete it.

social situations are really scary. i'm lucky that i'm not in the least bit shy or anything, but it is still quite terrifying.

i get really nervous talking to anyone at work, even my friends, but once i've known people a few years i relax a little. i'm only really comfy talking with mynate, and two of my sisters.

wifezilla never seems to mind what i say to her, so i'm getting more comfy with her pretty quickly, but i still have a headache when i get home from the stress of trying to figure out what i'm saying lol.

abi

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I thought I'd replied to this previously, but found that I'd not. Sorry.

I have this problem all the time. Especially with trying to remember

all the "rules" for communication. I have a really hard time with starting

a conversation or any other type of communication. I also have a hard

time with interrupting people when I talk to them.

I never know what to "say" without it coming out wrong. Either verbally

or in written word. It's even worse when it comes to that pause in a

conversation because I don't know if that means that it's over and I

should go now or if the other person is just thinking of something or what.

Sorry things have to be so confusing.

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sometimes people actually like when I butt in, in an unconventional way, into the conversation.

Now, if only I wouldn't have the following reaction:

Friend: "The world would be a much more genteel place if we all used proper grammar."

Me: "Well, Hitler tried to make this world a more gentile place and we know how badly that turned out..."

[note that there were several Jews within earshot.]

And no, my recent brain damage hasn't helped, either. When I do figure out socially how to say something properly, it often does not come out as proper, offending anybody within earshot.

Pretty much, I've adopted a new policy to STFU whenever possible.

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herrfous, i might do better to adopt your stfu policy too. lol. especially since i think jews would be pleased that you said that. you were not defending hitler, you were saying he was an ass and see what happened.

oftentimes, i will think through something too long, and when i say it, the conversation has long since moved on but i didn't notice.

sigh.

abi

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sometimes people actually like when I butt in, in an unconventional way, into the conversation.

Now, if only I wouldn't have the following reaction:

Friend: "The world would be a much more genteel place if we all used proper grammar."

Me: "Well, Hitler tried to make this world a more gentile place and we know how badly that turned out..."

[note that there were several Jews within earshot.]

i am laughing my jewish ass off.

the play on words is brilliant. i wish more people had a plastic sense of humour. (no, i'm not talking about barbie)

when people talk, i seem to go into some mode of 'the world is unmanipulable by me' and defer to everything. agree with everything.

what? i have agency? it's worse on the phone somehow.

i don't really have foot-in-mouth syndrome though, i mean, most of the time i'm adhering to the STFU rule. it's the screaming going on in my head that's the problem.

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ah, Fous, that's brilliant.

Maddy? did you know that the length of conversational pauses differ according to regional accent? it really is true that New Yorkers speak faster and have very short pauses, while Southerners have long pauses before they talk again. i hate hate hatecalling NY/east coast people for my job because my pause doesn't match their pause, and they think i'm done talking when i'm not. and they repeat themselves. over and over and over and over and over.....ad nauseum.

so, shoot me now, conversation rules vary from region to region!!! god i prefer typing to aspie/autie people. i wonder how i would do speaking to an autie? would i try to apply the rules that i internalized (for dealing with normal people) and get all confused when the rules i learnt don't work?

otoh, when i met Fous i didn't notice *anything* (other than yes, you do have hair like a girl). we were talking biology stuff like a couple of geeks. all i could think was 'i wish i was a grad student! i gotta catch up on my Sci Americans!'

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i am laughing my jewish ass off.

So if you laughed your Jewish ass off, would that mean that whatever's left of your behind is gentile?

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Nal: perhaps she has 2 asses?

My ass, it has three corners; three corners has my ass...

Maybe it's just me who thought of that because of that.

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Nal: perhaps she has 2 asses?

is that like having two chins?

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Mein Arsch, der hat drei Ecken

drei Ecken hat mein Arsch

Der hat mal nicht drei ecken

denn der ist nicht mein Arsch

[/Germanophone]

In any event, some Jews are extremely sensitive to any mention of Hitler and/or the Holocaust. My joke would have been highly inappropriate given some of the Jews within earshot at the time. Similarly, some Indians are very sensitive to any mention of the "British Raj" period of 1858-1947, where the Brits controlled that country. My grandparents grew up during that era and would rather not hear anything about the British rule.

and reddog--

The girlish hair is gone... now it's down to a moptop that isn't long enough to curl off in various places. Fairly unmistakably masculine. Especially with the stubble that I have a policy of wearing. ;-)

I'm also glad you didn't notice a southern accent. My friends up in Cleveland (a town with a distinctly northeastern accent) would beg to differ, though. Plus it helps that I tend to quickly adopt the accent of whatever town I'm in. The central Indiana/Ohio accent is incredibly neutral, so I can speak without any accent if I spend a day or two in that area.

And as a side note, my pauses tend to be incredibly long during psiMS attacks. Mainly since I can't come up with words if my life depended on it. Either. I talk. Like. William. Shatner. Or I talk semi-fluently and... c... can... it's like the opposite of can, but not, come up with different words.

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huh, I dunno. I tend to just say it and then deal with the consequences, which is a little stupid I know. around people who aren't my friends I think more before I speak, but I still come out with some crazy shit. I'm naturally pretty quiet, though, and prone to just smiling and nodding, and that's completely comfortable with me. really I have a problem when I'm with people who I'm comfortable with that I don't think much before I speak, but they're not completely comfortable with me yet, and so what I say makes perfect sense to me and, really, would make perfect sense to any of my closer friends, but to them it comes off as downright bizarre or even rude.

I'm not aspie, though, I'm GAD and agoraphobic. I think a lot of the reason I blurt these days is because I've been working so hard to train myself not to overanalyze every single thing, which is something I had a big problem with. so I force myself to be a lot more random and impulsive, just because if I didn't it would take five minutes for me to decide whether or not I should turn here or here to get to my house and then it just becomes a big deal because I miss both heres and there goes that opportunity and it leads into annoyance with myself which quickly spirals into self hatred and might become violent and -- yeah, just better to avoid that and be rude occasionally.

sorry. ;; but I also wanted to add that I've always been more comfortable with non-verbal speech, but I'm not entirely sure why. internet is a miracle, text messaging is wonderful. probably because it gives me time to phrase things so that I'm not the only one in the world who understands, and time to think without there being a pause in conversation. I'm also really comfortable with sign language, though, which is interesting because I'm only about half-fluent in that, miss a lot, and have many miscommunications -- but I would still pick sign language over verbalism any time. there's so much less stress for me.

and as for the accents... I had some issues with that when I first moved from central IN to northern KY. not that big a move, but it was moving from the North to the South and that's rather obvious. I still sound a little "funny" to people who have grown up here because I just can't get myself to say things like "ain't" or "y'all" but otherwise it's not a big deal. it's still really interesting that a 2/3 hour move can have that much dialectual difference.

sorry for the ramble. good luck with that communication thing.

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People are overrated. Communication just gets in the way of my rich inner life so I try to avoid it.

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does anyone else read this title to lions and tigers and bears, oh my?

yes. muscially.

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I don't know what to say sometimes, a lot of the time. I start babbling, and inevitably end up pissing people off. If only some doctor had said I had Aspergers Syndrome well who knows what could have been done diffrently.

;)

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