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I went to my thrapist yeserday and I told him about this incredible support system  made bey all of you.  I told him that  I envy how you freely (and painfully), offer up your experiences, clearly, lucidly ,raw. 

  He asked me whar stops me .  I started trmbling , my throat tightened up and my muscles started  getting tighter and tighter.  I felt dizzy.  My eyyes teared up and I started  having non sequeneial memories. 

He very gently and patiently talked to me about what was happening, reassuring me.  He offered up EmDR.  Erika has info about this in coping strategies.  I desparatly want to  get this out. So I start next Tuesday.

    lol=doxie

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I read your thread Mel, thanks for ponting me there.  I knew  that I ran across it somewhere on this site but couldn't remember where or what it said.

I will let you know how it goes..  Even my therspist said he thought it was a bunch of hooey at first but he was trained in it and saw great results with people.  Maybe we will move our eyes in unison!  Sorry, cant help myself sometimes.--good thoughts -doxie

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I had my therapist apt yesterday.  I tried the emdr and it triggered  a major headache and i felt disiociated for the rest of the dayl  Later that evenining a particular incident kept surfacing. It was gut wrenching, like it was happening all over again.  I am still kid of fucked up from it.

I was about four years old and my parents went to the neighbors party.  I was supposed to be sleeping.  My dad came  home to get some thing and found me in the hall

way .  He grabbed me with one hand and staeted beating me with the other.  HIs big ring of keys were wrapped around his fist so every time he hit me the keys hit me too. 

He dragged me to the bedroom  and what I remember is standing on the bed while he was still hitting me.  I lost controll of my bladder and that really fueled his anger. He started wildly hitting me.  Finally he left, went back to the party. 

I don't know if I can handle this tx.  I want to move out of the fog not deeper into it.

doxie

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Ah Doxie, what a horrible thing for a parent to do to a child!  I'm sure a lot of painful stuff will come to the surface while doing EMDR but as much as it hurts I truly believe only getting it out will help you to heal. A gross comparison:  you know those zits that are big and full and hurt like hell, they don't get better until the poison is released and it can heal. I know that was gross but it was the best example I could think of.  Please keep posting and letting us know how you're doing.  Sulu

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Breeze and Sulu,

  I really hope that I will continue.  I just didn't expext such intense "after shocks'.  Yes, I want wholeness,but I feel a bit cowardly.  I will keep reading your posts for courage and tell my therapist about my fear.  I see him Tuesday. 

  It's one thing to know that the process is hard but the experience isalmost to pwerful.  I don't want to scare anyone, this is my junk.  A friend of mine was saying that she wished someone would wave a majic wand over her to solve all her problems.  That statement has carried new weight for me. 

                                                          Thanks for being here,  doxie

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Doxie, I just remembered (it's amazing the stuff you can still find in a screwed up brain) that my therapist told me with EMDR we could go as slowly or quickly as I felt comfortable with.  Please be sure your therapist knows what your comfort level is.  Stay well, Sullu

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  • 2 weeks later...

Doxie:

  Sorry I haven't been back, it has been busy here. Hopefully, you were able to finish the EMDR. It really does work well in the end. But I know it's tough. Sulu had an excellent point - you go at your own pace.

breeze

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Breeze and Sulu,

    The EMDR had been delayed.  I ended up en the ER.  I have severe thyroid problems.  Been sleeping on and off for days. I have been trying to read posts but i am not functioning real well. I see endocrinologist today.  Thanks for your care, doxie

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Just an update.  I went to the endo. and  he put me on CYTOMEL 25MCG and  synthroid,2mcg.  I have been on sythroid before but nver even heard of cytomel. 

Do any of you have experience with this med?  I told him about my anziety, hopefully this won't add to it .  gGoing to to a med search.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank-you Breeze,

                                Sorry it took so long to respond, but the irony is that I was to panicked to touch this topic.  So I avoided PTSD and kept scrolling around it.

I am back working on my issues with my therapist.  I am feeling strong enough now to deal with past traumas.  The wounded little girl wants to grow up and respond in adult mode.  I know that in adult mode there is still pain and greiving, but after all the recent sickness and E.R. visits and a tooth extraction (ouch),  I know I can handle the pain of therapy, the part where I face myself and what happened in a safe environment.  I really trust my therapist. I usually don't trust anyone, but my intuition is strong here and I am going to follow it.

He suggested a book titled "The Betrayal Bond" written by Patrick J. Carnes about a month ago.  I just now had the courage (and physical strength) to buy it.  It is about breaking the trauma cycle and overcommng abusive relationships.  I just started reading it about an hour ago and I feel like it was written for me.

Maybe someone else on this web site could benefit from this book. It is worth checking out.  I haven"t finished it but It has grabbed my attention. 

Getting better by the day(some better than others)  Much warmth,  Doxie

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EMDR is what's helped me most. NOt only does it go on working after the session, it can bear fruit years later. I was very lucky, in that I had one of the best psychiatrists in the world as my emdr therapist. Of course, she then moved 2,000 miles away.

rom

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That's very encouraging.  It scared me but I'm ready to go back to EMDR, especially after hearing how it has helped and keeps on helping. 

Tom,  It is great that you had the experience with a Doc.  you respected and trusted, but it sounds like you have truely benefited and coping even though she moved,  I had a family Doc. that I started to respect, she seemed very knowledgable and intuitive with my kids(who were youngsters at the time), but she fought a tough battle with cancer and passed away. One of my sons was  in the same hospitol during her time there.  I got to see her before she passed.  Didn't mean to get depressing here,so I willl make my exit.  Much grattitude,  Doxie

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Doxie:

  Will be glad to help you through it as support. The cool thing about EMDR, and to keep in mind is: you don't really  have to relive the events, you OBSERVE them as a third party almost. This way, you are able to change the core belief. That is why it is so successful, so fast, and so comfortable.

  I am going to do this too as soon as summer slows down. We live in a tourist town and now is NOT the time to do it. My good friend is my therapist, but has agreed to work with me. She is not my main therapist, ands she was not my friend before, but became so after we had worked together. I don't want to do it with anyone else. I know this one will be a toughy. I am excited, but I know it will be a little rocky. But I also know that when we are done, I will be a lot better and my anxiety will too.

  So, I am willing to do this together.  I am glad to hear you are going to try again. You will not be sorry.

Breeze

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i think my posts on the topic are on the old board but as an update i've been doing EMDR with my therapist at least once a week since february and the progress has been AMAZING. not always comfortable -- it's like peeling an onion and the layers are as different as everything in life, sometimes it feels like one step forward two steps back -- but the overall result of increased self-awareness, realistic vision, and brain integration is helping me get my life back. trust with doc is key; i feel comfort and value with his other other techniques and world views (kenisiology, puppetry, zen...) he recommends http://www.emdr.com/ and says it's preferable to choose someone at a facilitator level. best wishes for healing to all. aloha.

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i've been doing EMDR with my therapist at least once a week since february and the progress has been AMAZING.

I am curious as to why you are doing this so often. I am not trying to pry, but this seems like an awful lot of EMDR. The whole point of EMDR is to get through the issue quickly and move on with your life.

Breeze

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hey Breeze, i don't mind the question at all. i am doing EMDR because it works, and compared to other methods, it does work "quickly". it's only been five months; i've seen therapy that did less in five years. also we've been dealing with multiple traumas from birth onwards. AND we do maybe a few minutes each session and then move onto the table for bodywork, etc., so the total number of EMDR hours are less than another therapist might have used in those months.

but even a few minutes of EMDR is extraordinary. we've moved from freeze to fear to rage to unlimited compassion, and then other stuff comes up, it's all worthwhile, and would have taken a lot longer with methods i've used in the past. triggers that used to scare me into complete panic or helplessness don't even phase me anymore, and i consider that "moving on with my life." for some things there's just no complete overnight cure so we're still working.

i hope that's helpful but if you have more questions please ask away or refer to that website. i think it just comes down to everyone's brain and experience is different, but progress is progress and this brain shift is truly remarkable. aloha.

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